Loving Two (a poem I found online)

This poem I found captures so many of my feelings. I know that a sibling is a precious gift, and I so look forward to having a pair of little girls grow up together and marveling over their sisterly bond. But that doesn't change the dread I feel already over losing so much time with Makena. It's been just her for almost 4 years, and I've soaked up every moment we share for the blessing it is. She gets my undivided attention, all my hugs, my full lap... and all that is about to change. It's going to be a tough transition for all of us!

I really wanted to do something special with just the two of us before the baby is born. We were given a pair of tickets to take a brunch cruise around the San Francisco bay, and Makena's been fascinated with the idea of eating on a boat so I know she'll love it. Plus kids under 4 are free, so Pam gets to come too! I thought about how Makena and I spend almost all of our time together just the two of us, and that it's important for us to do a special family thing before our 3 become 4. We're going next Sunday on November 10th. Then that evening the fun continues and we're all going to see Peter Pan, Makena's first official musical theater performance! It's a youth production (held at our city's center of performing arts, where I did performances when I was a kid) and we're really excited to take her. I've been playing the soundtrack and she can't wait!

Tomorrow is our baby shower! We're looking forward to seeing everyone and celebrating. Makena seems to have mixed feelings about it, we've been moving so much stuff out of our apartment and into storage (and selling a lot too) and it's been upsetting for her to see her stuff get taken away. Especially because it's to make room for the new baby. So I think knowing that we're having a party for the baby is exciting yet a little confusing for her. She asked me if the baby will be there, lol. It was fun to show her photos of her baby shower, and some of the gifts we received for her before she was born.

But anyway, on with the poem!

Loving Two 

As I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship, suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited.

And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you.

I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" And I hear myself telling you in mine,"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you.

I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her -- as though I am betraying you. But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times -- only now, we are three.

I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.

And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.

And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you -- only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply. I love you -- both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.