Co-sleeping

I couldn't wait to have a baby and when I was pregnant I couldn't wait to have a crib. Getting the crib set up and putting on the sheets was such a huge milestone. We were ready! The baby would have a place to sleep! Standing in her room I'd look around and think, "This is our baby's room, this is the door we'll open when we hear her cry and wake up. This is the changing table where we'll put on her clean diapers and clothes. This is the crib we'll reach into and lift her out."

When Makena was born I knew she wouldn't be sleeping in that crib for a while. We'd sleep with her tiny body between us in bed. A couple weeks, or maybe a couple months, we weren't sure exactly when we'd put her in her crib, but we definitely planned to at some point. But the months went on, and then she started to roll over and crawl. And we've had to re-think our thoughts on cribs. What is the point of a crib exactly?

crib (kr b) n. 1. A bed with high sides for a young child or baby

So it's a place for babies to sleep. But why do we put babies in a crib... because it's safer? Baby can't be smothered by a parent or blankets? Baby can't roll out and fall onto the floor?

Or is it because it's convenient? An older child can't simply walk away and play with toys instead of napping. It's a place to attach the mobile. It's a beautiful piece of furniture. It completes baby's room- you can't have a bedroom without a bed!

But why? Why a crib? Why not bed with Mom? I've been really consumed with these questions for a while now. I'm not sure if I believe that cribs are the safest place for a baby to sleep. Everything you read says that babies need to sleep in a crib, on their backs, without anything near them so they don't die. Pretty serious stuff! But when you dig deeper, and read actual studies about baby sleep deaths, the numbers don't quite match up. Kinda like the whole vaccine issue. On the surface it looks like one thing, but as you research more your mind can be changed. Then again, like most things you'll find completely conflicting evidence. I think the bottom line is that you will probably dismiss anything that doesn't please your point of view. But I digress.

So we've been co-sleeping since day one. And it feels like home now.

Makena eats dinner at 6pm. When she's done, one of us starts the bath and gets in, then the other one brings in Makena. She takes a bath, splashes in her seat, and is washed. Then whoever isn't in the tub with her gets her out and brings her into the bedroom to dry off on a towel on the bed. The other mom gets out of the tub and gets on her pj's. Then we get Makena in her pj's and
read stories while she chews on her toothbrush.

Lights out, Pam leaves the room. I lay down with Makena and nurse her. When she's done, I motion for Pam (who is in the living room watching the monitor) to come get her. I give Makena a goodnight kiss then pass her over. Pam takes her into our bedroom and holds her and walks around in the dark until she falls asleep. Then she places her on our bed, which is still on the floor of her room. (There is her perfectly beautiful empty crib! And the monitor is pointing down at the bed. Also, in this photo I don't know why it looks like her armoire is tilted...)

We both glance at the monitor every so often to make sure she hasn't woken up, because she usually doesn't make a sound but she'll sit up in bed and try to crawl and fall off the mattress.

Around 30 minutes after she's fallen asleep she typically stirs, but she falls back to sleep on her own. We try to always give her the chance to get herself back to sleep before we rush in. But sometimes she cries out or flails around, so we go put the pacifier in her mouth and she grabs onto our arm or hand and falls asleep within seconds. Some nights this repeats a few times, but most nights one of us goes to bed with her and she sleeps better that way.

I get under the blanket and she instinctively moves towards me. I curl myself around her soft warm little body. The white noise machine is on, I hear the "waterfall" sounds and it drowns the TV from the other room. I can feel the rise and fall of her chest next to my body. I hear her breathing. I smell her sweet breath. I feel her light as a feather hair brushing against my cheek.

The draft from the window, the pitch black room, the cold of the sheets, the roar of a car speeding by outside... I'm so thankful she isn't alone in this room, alone in her crib.

Her body fits perfectly snug against my chest and stomach, her first home. She turns and reaches out for me, her fingers brushing across my shirt. She stops when they feel my skin, be it my arm or face, she knows she is home. After a few minutes of soaking up how wonderful it is, I scoot her over to the center of the bed and turn over, making sure a part of my body still touches her. I fall asleep knowing that the most important thing is just inches away.

This is where I belong. This is where she belongs. Mothers all over the world sleep with their babies. It's the natural thing to do. Why did we start putting them in cribs to sleep? When were they pushed from our bed? And when and why were they banished to a whole separate room?!

Granted, if Makena was a deep heavy good sleeper, I'm sure she'd be in her crib by now. Or would she? I didn't expect to fall in love with bed sharing. But there are a lot of things I've changed my mind about since she's entered my life. My only advice to any new mom would be to do whatever is right and works well for your family!

People often ask me "Don't you worry that you'll roll onto her?" And no, I really don't. I do, however, worry about her getting smothered in the blankets. And her and Pam snuggle very close together while sleeping, and that worries me at times. I'm just not a sleeping cuddler...I need my space. But if, heaven forbid, anything were to ever happen, I'd feel better knowing she was close to her mom (be it Pam or I) and wasn't all alone by herself in a cold bare crib. When people are dying don't they always want to be in their own home, in bed, surrounded by those they love? So as horrifying as that thought is, I feel more comfortable with the fact that at least she'd be next to us.

I kinda feel the same way about riding in the car. One of us always sits in the back seat with her. People think that's totally crazy, but for one, Makena isn't usually a good passenger and when one of us is bath there, she cries less. Also, if we were to get into a crash, how terrifying it would be to know she's in the back seat all alone. You can't even see her face from the front seat, since she's facing backwards. Sure we have a mirror, but in a crash I'm assuming that would be useless, as it's designed to fall back and not smash into the face of the baby. So one of us sits with her, and would be there holding her hand in a worst case scenario.

Are we ridiculous? Perhaps. But this is what works for us.

Now back to sleeping...
She almost always wakes up at least once during the night, sometimes twice. There are some mornings that I wake up and have no memory of if/when she woke. Did she sleep through the night? Or did I just never fully wake and nursed her in my sleep? This is so easy. There have been some rough nights, sure. But over 98% of the time our nights are bliss! We are not sleep deprived in the slightest. In her 9 months I think we've had maybe 2-3 nights that we wanted to pull our hair out. And they were EASY nights compared to the annoyance of having to get up and rock baby to sleep and falling asleep in rocking chairs and all those stories you hear about. Since she was a tiny newborn, Makena has slept very well during the night. We can't complain at all!

I know that babies who co-sleep wake up more frequently so they can nurse during the night. And I like that! The more breast milk she consumes, the healthier she is. And since her night feedings don't affect me at all, I can't complain. If I had to get up out of bed, walk down the hall, pick her up, feed her, stay awake long enough to put her back in the crib, and get back into bed...holy crap. No wonder nighttime sleep is an issue for so many parents!

But not for us. It's naps we could use help with. ;)

Sleeping habits these days.

Sometime in August we moved our mattress to the floor of Makena's room. Our hope was to get her to sleep at night in her crib, but we'd still be super close by. She spent a couple nights in her crib, but I found it too much of a hassle to get up and get her to nurse in the middle of the night, and stay awake to put her back in. If she slept soundly through the night I'd consider having her sleep in her crib for sure. But I really truly love sleeping next to her warm soft little body. It just feels right. (I would like to have our bed be in our room, and free up the space for Makena to have room to play on her floor, but it's safest to have our mattress on the floor. Maybe we need to consider putting our bed and frame in storage and putting the mattress on our bedroom floor...hmm...)

Naps were still happening only in my arms after I nursed her, like it had been since the nay she was born. But then in September we tried seeing what would happen if I nursed her in the bed and then got up after she was asleep. That's what we do for bed time, so I'm not sure why we never considered it for naps. And, not too shockingly, it worked!!

Makena now takes 2 or 3 naps a day, for about an hour each. I lay down with her, nurse, and she either rolls over and falls asleep or I pop her off after she's fallen asleep, or I give her the pacifier and she falls asleep. Only she's been teething for about a week now, and very fussy so I've had to hold her and walk around/rock her to sleep. But the second her eyes close I can lay her on the bed and walk away. I suppose I could lay her in the crib, but she's used to the bed and sleeps better on it. Plus, if she stirs or cries out I can go lay down next to her and soothe her until she falls back to sleep. Hey, whatever it takes!!

Sometimes I take a morning nap with her. But usually I get up and eat, play on the computer, load the dishwasher, get dinner prepped, or whatever. I keep my eye on the monitor, because Makena rarely makes a peep when she wakes up. She'll just start to move, and then sit up, and then crawl towards the door. And since she's just on the mattress (even though it's only a foot off the floor) I don't want her tumbling off so I rush in and get her.


Right now she isn't sleeping well at all, she keeps crying and tossing and turning. :( She's been teething and the last few weeks have been tough. We get a few BAD days, then a little break, then more bad days. Ugh! Those top middle teeth are coming, and I hope they get here soon so she feels better! We even gave her some Motrin the other day because she was so miserable. She has her hands grabbing in her mouth all the time, and is clingy and weepy. Poor baby! A couple weeks ago she was so upset and had missed a nap and she was also on a terrible nursing strike (that was AWFUL. On 9/27 she was teething badly and bit down on my nipple as I tried to get her to latch on, and I yelled out in pain and pushed her away. She giggled. But then refused to nurse again...and it lasted 4 days. Every time I tried she'd just bite me and pull away. I was a mess. I had to pump and she didn't take a bottle so we gave her my milk in her sippy cup and with a medicine dropper. Then on the 30th I spoke to a lactation consultant and she gave me some tips and it worked! She nursed that night and has since) and I was at work and when the boys took a nap Makena finally was able to relax and she fell asleep in my arms as I walked around the house.

It's so nice to hold your baby as they sleep. It's just so nice. As much as I love that she naps by herself now, and it gives me a MUCH needed break, I love the chance to hold her while she sleeps. So many moms don't get the chance to hold their babies all day long, whenever they want to. But I do. And I like taking advantage of that!!

I think it's time for me to get to bed. It's after 11pm. Pretty late!! I keep checking the monitor and my empty spot of the family bed is calling to me. Besides, Makena will probably be waking up for her midnight snack soon. Not every night, but most nights she's up at midnight and 3 ish. Then awake for the day at 6am. But, since I'm literally 6 inches away from her, I don't even fully wake up. I roll over, feed her, and don't even remember falling asleep again. And the other night she slept from 8pm-5am. Maybe she'll do the same tonight?!

Eh, maybe not. She's moving around. I'm going to bed. :)

Makena loves...

I wrote an update when Makena was 4.5 months old about the things she loves, and I want to keep a record of her favorite things as the months go by! So here it is, a list of things that our 8.5 month old baby girl loves! (Note that some are the same favorites from when she was a "baby!")

Her sippy cup. Or really any cup!
But actually more than the cup, she loves the water inside it! Makena will drink water all day long. She loves using her own cup, but also loves taking sips from real cups. If I get myself a drink of water she automatically assumes it's for her and pants and squeals happily in anticipation. And it works, because I usually will give her a sip or two! (Babies are SO good at training adults!!) If I have a cup of juice or iced tea or something, and won't give her a drink, she gets quite annoyed with me and will whine and try to grab for my cup until I get it out of her sight or distract her.

Donte. And pictures of cats!
She lights up when Donte walks by and meows. She loves to stand in front of him (he's usually sitting up on the chair) and try to grab him. And he is SO GOOD with her. He just turns his head and inches away, but tolerates her pulling his hair and hitting him until a few minutes go by and he finally decides he's had enough. The whole time we're praising him for being such a good boy and trying to get Makena to "be gentle!" But nevertheless she ends up with a fistful of cat hair. Poor guy!

Laughing.
Makena loves to laugh. She cracks herself up! She'll be crawling around and just going "Ha...ha...ha!" It's really adorable. :) I'm so happy that she's such a happy smiley laughing baby!!

Her Fisher Price Laugh and Learn Farm.
I had wanted to buy it for her since I was pregnant! I talked about it all the time, and kept waiting for the price to drop. Then for my birthday I received it as a gift. :) Yay! And it's one of her favorite toys, she literally plays with it every single day. She can turn the light switch on and off, swing the door open and closed, pick the veggies, push the light on, flip the pages in the photo album, turn the pig's belly, and stand up and touch the chicken! I can't wait to see her learn how to feed the cow, turn the radio dial, slide the window back and forth, and drop the eggs down the chute. There is so much fun in this one toy!!!!

Pulling all the movies and books down. Or taking anything OUT from anywhere.
We've finally barricaded off her access to the bookshelf, but I'm sure eventually she'll make it over there again! She can't handle seeing something full when she wants it to be empty. A bin full of toys? Every toy must be out. A container of blocks? Each block needs to be out. A shelf of linens? A laundry basket? The diaper bag? A container of wipes? All are emptied in seconds if she gets her hands on them!

Standing.
She started by pulling up and then tentatively letting go with one hand... and soon the second hand followed and she's quickly grab on again......but now she will stand up all alone for a really long time, and even bend her legs and bounce up and down excitedly. When she gets worried about falling she just plops down. I keep trying to encourage her to take a step towards me, but she reaches her hands without moving her feet, and then sits down and decides that crawling is so easy. She's been creeping along the furniture more often, and gaining her confidence in her footwork. I can't believe she'll be walking soon!!

Her toothbrush. It's a simple little silicone toothbrush from Whole Foods. My mom bought her one, and then we lost it (we think it fell into the bathroom trash can by accident) and I just finally got her another one. We love the "bristles" and the guard piece so she can't gag herself (which, unfortunately Makena has just discovered how to do with her fingers and keeps making herself gag!!) and she loves to brush her teeth. Well, she loves to chomp on it like a teething toy, and I let her do just that after I give her 2 bottom teeth a good scrub.
My cell phone and the leather case. Need I say more? I suppose all babies love that which Mommy is always playing with!
Banging/pinching/pulling/grabbing. Ah, the not so fun stuff. Ever since she was inside my belly, Makena has been a mover! She likes to bang her hands on things, pull hair, and pinch our skin. Especially when trying to fall asleep. She will pinch and squeeze and rub her hand up and down my arm while I nurse her. She loves to pinch the skin of my elbow. And when Pam or I rock her to sleep she wiggles and grabs and pulls and pinches until she finally settles down and falls asleep. It's exhausting!! And it HURTS! She's pinched us both so hard that she's given us bruises, and she's even cut us when her nails have gotten too long. Sheesh!

Feeding herself. And eating in general! Here she's enjoying quinoa, beans, and sauce.

Spinach potato onion patties, black beans and cheddar cheese, and peaches coated in crushed cheerios.Scrambled eggs, potatoes, and toast.
Spoon feeding her purees can be challenging, unless she has something else she can feed herself. But she's even gotten better with eating purees, I think because her appetite is really growing these days. She loves eating, and it's a fun challenge for me to find new foods for her. I enjoy knowing she's eating good healthy food, prepared with love. :)

Baths. She still really loves taking baths, and will crawl into the bathroom and go straight to the tub if given the chance! We got her a little bath seat, and it's great that she can sit by herself now while we sit in front of her and splash and play. She also loves her new squirt and snap toys, and the aquarium storage bag that is suction cupped to the wall.
Driving the car.
She doesn't get too many opportunities to play in the drivers seat, but if I nurse her in the car she knows afterward she'll get a chance to "drive."

Her I'll See You In The Morning book. We read this every night before bed. Usually we read 2-3 books, but this one is always last and it's always her favorite. She loves it!

And, of course, Elmo. Specifically, Elmo's World. Just the title song alone is enough to get her to whip her head towards the TV! If she's fussy or it's a challenging diaper change or we need to quickly distract her, simply singing "La la la la, la la la la, Elmo's World!" is enough to buy us a few precious seconds. I've even noticed that asking "Where's Elmo?!" will sometimes work. lol.
Blowing raspberries on any exposed skin. If you hold Makena and she notices your shoulder skin, she'll put her mouth on it and give a huge raspberry. Kinda. Hers are more of the "wide open mouth hilarious fart sound" variety. Today she even pulled up Pam's shirt and did it on her stomach. She also likes knees and arms. lol.

Sharing her food with me. Recently she's started to hold out her food towards me, and I take a pretend bite (or a real one) and she gets a huge kick out of that. She will even do it with toys, put them up to my mouth, but as soon as I bite them she grabs it back and quickly puts it in her own mouth. It's the thought that counts!

Naked Time! I think most babies like being naked. When Makena fights a diaper change and we're just sitting around at home, I'll let her go sans diaper whenever possible for a little while. I was about to write that a little pee on the carpet wouldn't be a big deal, and then I remembered the time when she started to poop. lol. But honestly, Donte makes a much bigger mess when pukes up a hairball. (One time, Donte pooped in my lap. But this isn't really the place to write about that.) Anyway, nakedness. It's nice to get back to your humble beginnings every now and then! And isn't a naked baby one of the cutest things?! They are so...perfect. Rolls and all!
Up next, an update about sleep!