Co-sleeping

I couldn't wait to have a baby and when I was pregnant I couldn't wait to have a crib. Getting the crib set up and putting on the sheets was such a huge milestone. We were ready! The baby would have a place to sleep! Standing in her room I'd look around and think, "This is our baby's room, this is the door we'll open when we hear her cry and wake up. This is the changing table where we'll put on her clean diapers and clothes. This is the crib we'll reach into and lift her out."

When Makena was born I knew she wouldn't be sleeping in that crib for a while. We'd sleep with her tiny body between us in bed. A couple weeks, or maybe a couple months, we weren't sure exactly when we'd put her in her crib, but we definitely planned to at some point. But the months went on, and then she started to roll over and crawl. And we've had to re-think our thoughts on cribs. What is the point of a crib exactly?

crib (kr b) n. 1. A bed with high sides for a young child or baby

So it's a place for babies to sleep. But why do we put babies in a crib... because it's safer? Baby can't be smothered by a parent or blankets? Baby can't roll out and fall onto the floor?

Or is it because it's convenient? An older child can't simply walk away and play with toys instead of napping. It's a place to attach the mobile. It's a beautiful piece of furniture. It completes baby's room- you can't have a bedroom without a bed!

But why? Why a crib? Why not bed with Mom? I've been really consumed with these questions for a while now. I'm not sure if I believe that cribs are the safest place for a baby to sleep. Everything you read says that babies need to sleep in a crib, on their backs, without anything near them so they don't die. Pretty serious stuff! But when you dig deeper, and read actual studies about baby sleep deaths, the numbers don't quite match up. Kinda like the whole vaccine issue. On the surface it looks like one thing, but as you research more your mind can be changed. Then again, like most things you'll find completely conflicting evidence. I think the bottom line is that you will probably dismiss anything that doesn't please your point of view. But I digress.

So we've been co-sleeping since day one. And it feels like home now.

Makena eats dinner at 6pm. When she's done, one of us starts the bath and gets in, then the other one brings in Makena. She takes a bath, splashes in her seat, and is washed. Then whoever isn't in the tub with her gets her out and brings her into the bedroom to dry off on a towel on the bed. The other mom gets out of the tub and gets on her pj's. Then we get Makena in her pj's and
read stories while she chews on her toothbrush.

Lights out, Pam leaves the room. I lay down with Makena and nurse her. When she's done, I motion for Pam (who is in the living room watching the monitor) to come get her. I give Makena a goodnight kiss then pass her over. Pam takes her into our bedroom and holds her and walks around in the dark until she falls asleep. Then she places her on our bed, which is still on the floor of her room. (There is her perfectly beautiful empty crib! And the monitor is pointing down at the bed. Also, in this photo I don't know why it looks like her armoire is tilted...)

We both glance at the monitor every so often to make sure she hasn't woken up, because she usually doesn't make a sound but she'll sit up in bed and try to crawl and fall off the mattress.

Around 30 minutes after she's fallen asleep she typically stirs, but she falls back to sleep on her own. We try to always give her the chance to get herself back to sleep before we rush in. But sometimes she cries out or flails around, so we go put the pacifier in her mouth and she grabs onto our arm or hand and falls asleep within seconds. Some nights this repeats a few times, but most nights one of us goes to bed with her and she sleeps better that way.

I get under the blanket and she instinctively moves towards me. I curl myself around her soft warm little body. The white noise machine is on, I hear the "waterfall" sounds and it drowns the TV from the other room. I can feel the rise and fall of her chest next to my body. I hear her breathing. I smell her sweet breath. I feel her light as a feather hair brushing against my cheek.

The draft from the window, the pitch black room, the cold of the sheets, the roar of a car speeding by outside... I'm so thankful she isn't alone in this room, alone in her crib.

Her body fits perfectly snug against my chest and stomach, her first home. She turns and reaches out for me, her fingers brushing across my shirt. She stops when they feel my skin, be it my arm or face, she knows she is home. After a few minutes of soaking up how wonderful it is, I scoot her over to the center of the bed and turn over, making sure a part of my body still touches her. I fall asleep knowing that the most important thing is just inches away.

This is where I belong. This is where she belongs. Mothers all over the world sleep with their babies. It's the natural thing to do. Why did we start putting them in cribs to sleep? When were they pushed from our bed? And when and why were they banished to a whole separate room?!

Granted, if Makena was a deep heavy good sleeper, I'm sure she'd be in her crib by now. Or would she? I didn't expect to fall in love with bed sharing. But there are a lot of things I've changed my mind about since she's entered my life. My only advice to any new mom would be to do whatever is right and works well for your family!

People often ask me "Don't you worry that you'll roll onto her?" And no, I really don't. I do, however, worry about her getting smothered in the blankets. And her and Pam snuggle very close together while sleeping, and that worries me at times. I'm just not a sleeping cuddler...I need my space. But if, heaven forbid, anything were to ever happen, I'd feel better knowing she was close to her mom (be it Pam or I) and wasn't all alone by herself in a cold bare crib. When people are dying don't they always want to be in their own home, in bed, surrounded by those they love? So as horrifying as that thought is, I feel more comfortable with the fact that at least she'd be next to us.

I kinda feel the same way about riding in the car. One of us always sits in the back seat with her. People think that's totally crazy, but for one, Makena isn't usually a good passenger and when one of us is bath there, she cries less. Also, if we were to get into a crash, how terrifying it would be to know she's in the back seat all alone. You can't even see her face from the front seat, since she's facing backwards. Sure we have a mirror, but in a crash I'm assuming that would be useless, as it's designed to fall back and not smash into the face of the baby. So one of us sits with her, and would be there holding her hand in a worst case scenario.

Are we ridiculous? Perhaps. But this is what works for us.

Now back to sleeping...
She almost always wakes up at least once during the night, sometimes twice. There are some mornings that I wake up and have no memory of if/when she woke. Did she sleep through the night? Or did I just never fully wake and nursed her in my sleep? This is so easy. There have been some rough nights, sure. But over 98% of the time our nights are bliss! We are not sleep deprived in the slightest. In her 9 months I think we've had maybe 2-3 nights that we wanted to pull our hair out. And they were EASY nights compared to the annoyance of having to get up and rock baby to sleep and falling asleep in rocking chairs and all those stories you hear about. Since she was a tiny newborn, Makena has slept very well during the night. We can't complain at all!

I know that babies who co-sleep wake up more frequently so they can nurse during the night. And I like that! The more breast milk she consumes, the healthier she is. And since her night feedings don't affect me at all, I can't complain. If I had to get up out of bed, walk down the hall, pick her up, feed her, stay awake long enough to put her back in the crib, and get back into bed...holy crap. No wonder nighttime sleep is an issue for so many parents!

But not for us. It's naps we could use help with. ;)