So many new changes! A pet, homeschooling, and jobs!

Oh my, I have a LOT to update! This is going to be a long one.

I'm not sure where to begin, there's a lot to cover and this might jump around out of order.

I'll start by saying that we have a new (furry) family member!! We got him on 8/15, the day before my birthday! It was Clear The Shelters Day, which I saw advertised as a free pet adoption day, so we went to two different locations to check out the kitties. Makena was really smitten with him, and her opinion really mattered since she's skittish with pets. She really wanted to take him home, so we jumped in! We decided his birthday is 6/6/15. He became terrified the moment we brought him home, and it was a rough few days giving him personal space when we just wanted to cuddle him. Eventually he came around though, and now he's silly, rambunctious, cautious with new people, and EXTREMELY tolerant of Hadley's enthusiastic hugs. He has a cat tree that he can escape to for some time alone, he likes to keep an eye on the action and will sometimes come over to Hadley to play! Makena likes to play with the laser pointer with him, and even though she still frequently yelps in fear when he runs across her path or jumps up next to her unexpectedly, occasionally I'll spot her gently petting him while he sleeps.

In other big news, we have a KINDERGARTNER! School was a pretty stressful topic for a while. I'm not completely comfortable with public school as a whole, and have always loved the idea of homeschooling. (Actually I love the idea of unschooling even more, but that's a different ballgame.) Luckily we have a really fantastic parent participation school in our district, there is so much interest in it that they have a lottery to see who gets to attend. We went to all the information meetings and events, and were crossing our fingers that Makena would get in.

For me it felt like a good compromise. She'd still be in a public school, but I'd get the chance to be heavily involved and am a fan of their project based curriculum and unique programs. On the other hand, she'd be left in a classroom with many other students for a lot of hours every day. For some kids this might not be a problem, I admit that I'd prefer half-day kindergarten (and less school time for all grades!), but for Makena? I was VERY concerned about how she would navigate her emotions around this huge change. I know her well enough to make a well educated guess that she would hold herself together just fine in class, quietly following all directions and not causing any trouble at all. But at the end of the day when I picked her up to go home I think she would completely fall apart into a puddle of emotion. Only to repeat this pattern over and over. I feared her health would suffer, that the stress of spending all that energy being "perfect" at school and the challenge of peer interaction would send her over the edge. It just felt so very wrong to force her into a situation where I didn't think she would thrive.

Pam didn't agree. She thought Makena would be fine anywhere. She's an easy going, good-natured kid, and we also attended our local neighborhood school info night and Pam thought it would be great for Makena. (Side note: that is the elementary school I attended, and it's a wonderful school. I just don't think it would be a good match for Makena.) We had many discussions about what to do, while we anxiously awaited the letter that would announce our fate. I wanted to homeschool Makena for kindergarten if she didn't get into the school we put down as our first choice, and Pam wasn't completely comfortable with that idea. The letter came and I was devastated that she was #18 on the waitlist. It seemed like with those odds she wouldn't get to attend. I cried. I cried and panicked and if I was the praying type I would've prayed hardcore. I relented that fine, we could send her to the neighborhood school, even though in my heart it felt like a terrible mistake. Pam said if anything bad happened we could just take her out of school, but I wasn't worried so much about some*thing* happening, as I was about the experience as a whole being too much for her.

I took time to explore my feelings more in depth. I made my case, and once I was able to more eloquently state the reasons why I felt homeschooling would benefit Makena more, Pam agreed. Besides, there is a wonderful homeschool program offered though our school district, so we met with the support teacher and learned more. Makena would attend a science/community class (in a classroom at a local elementary school) once a week with the other 11 kids in the program. Another day of the week would be spent at the off-site art class. And we would take at least 2 field trips each month, with plenty of other opportunities for community building events. Plus there are twice monthly individual meetings with the teacher to go over anything we want to discuss and submit paperwork. I liked the teacher right away and felt it was a blessing in disguise that Makena didn't get into the first choice school. All along we had kept Makena in the loop and she was a bit disappointed to know she didn't get in, but more excited about homeschooling. So we enrolled her in the program and I breathed a sigh of relief that we wouldn't have such a stressful year ahead.

Of course that meant I needed to figure what to do for homeschooling, but I felt very much at ease because for 1, Makena is smart and enjoys learning. 2, kindergarten isn't even mandatory here so it was pretty much just for fun. 3, it's kindergarten, nothing intense, and besides the amount of actual work that gets done in a classroom is so minuscule compared the the amount of hours kids spend at school. 4, I had the support of an already formed homeschooling community through the program we enrolled in, which includes a resource teacher (who does all the legal paperwork on my behalf), all the curriculum we need, plus all paid field trips and activities.

So we were all set! I even volunteered at a huge homeschool convention to get a little crash course. It was so great to meet people and chat about homeschooling and I witnessed the kindest most thoughtful children. I've been around a LOT of kids, of all ages. But these kids were different. They interacted with everyone the same way, from babies, to their peers, to adults. They didn't stick to playing with their own sex or gender, and it was so refreshing to see. I even got to attend a lecture about kids who struggle with perfectionism, which I learned a lot from. I picked up a few strategies for helping support Makena, so when she tries to write a D and accidentally writes a B, instead of trying to convince her that "it's fine, no big deal, just calm down and do it over and it'll be fine" a better response would be "you are very upset and worried that you ruined the whole paper. It is disappointing that after all of the hard work you did now there's a mistake."

Here's a great reminder for me-

"Acceptance is the missing element in shifting perfectionism from an anxiety-ridden malady to a gift of excellence. Once she knows it’s OK to be the way she is (no matter what that is), she can naturally start to relax about it.

Validation can make a big difference fast! Validation is not agreement or encouragement. It is understanding that sounds like this:
“You really wanted that to be perfect! You tried so hard and still messed up. You are afraid that everything is ruined. No wonder you are upset! That’s not how you wanted it!”

The rules for validation are: no fixing, no judging (good or bad), no teaching, no questions. This is the step of connection. You can’t change her mind, but with validation, she can.

Total validation allows people to drop their defenses and start to look inward for the thoughts and beliefs that are creating the feelings of pressure. When those thoughts and beliefs are finally found and validated, your daughter will be on the path to some much needed relief and self-acceptance, and be more open to seeing perfectionism as a strength."

Okay, so we were all set to homeschool! First Makena had to "graduate" from preschool! They practiced the little promotion ceremony and after all the parents gathered they walked into the room and one by one were called up to sit with the teachers. They said some really sweet things about each kid and handed them some goodies.

This is the scrapbook I made for her-

 This is the plate she made-

And then it was SUMMER BREAK!!!!

Makena made a bucket list of all the things she wanted to do over summer. 

We did a lot of it, but not everything. And of course we did lots of other fun stuff that wasn't on the list. One super awesome experience was getting to attend a day camp. Makena was lucky enough to be gifted several days of camp from a friend/old coworker of mine who works there. After I contacted her to say how much Makena enjoyed the animation activity at a local camp fair we attended she offered us the free days. I was thrilled but hesitant. We didn't have a NEED for Makena to attend camp, and she certainly didn't want to attend without me there. But I had a long phone conversation and we discussed her questions and concerns, and we even got to meet with the camp director for ice cream beforehand. Makena was excited and I was excited she'd get this opportunity!

This camp was great, we got to take it nice and slow. First of all we were allowed to arrive and leave whenever we wanted, which worked so well with our varying car availability. We didn't have to rush out the door or stress about it. And they provided snacks and lunch! One less thing to worry about. We met with Makena's camp leader and she was very sweet. I'm sure I came across as being overbearing at times, since I was there so often, but everyone seemed comfortable with my presence! I love that at this camp parents are allowed (and welcomed) to walk their kids in and help get them settled. I even stayed with Makena twice over lunch time, and they offered me food! (Anyone who offers me food is seriously my BFF.)

Makena quickly figured out the ideal times to be at camp. She absolutely hated the all camp activities, saying they were boring and that she felt confused about what to do and where to go. She also didn't like the games because she didn't want to participate and it was too loud and chaotic. Her favorite part was being free to choose the activities she wanted to do, and coming and going between them on her own. I was surprised at first by that, I thought she would feel lost and just stand in one place afraid to move. But now it makes sense, she didn't have to talk to anyone, she could just pick a different room/activity whenever she wanted.

She liked the style studio, and the animation studio. Bread making was also a hit. Here she is in a dress she made, with bags and bread she made!

There were times when it was frustrating that she needed me to walk her into camp. But I could tell it was making her nervous to walk by herself into a crowd and get her bearings. The difficult part was mostly Hadley, who was eager to run around and play. I often was trying to get her to nap but the timing was off, and I admit to getting annoyed with Makena on a couple occasions because it would have been so convenient to just drop her off! The camp has a check in/check out policy where we could leave midday and then return, but it bothered me to spend 20 minutes getting Makena settled in, then come back to check on her 1.5 hours later (which was when a transition period happened that she wasn't comfortable with) then sometimes she wanted me to stay for lunch, or to leave then, and I would bargain with her that she could hang out with me and Hadley for the hour and then return to the camp. But oh man that was a lot of driving around. So yeah, some parts of our experience were a huge pain, but I learned a lot about Makena those days.

I would sometimes spy on her while she was there, and I watched her quietly doing her own thing, rarely interacting with any children but sometimes talking to the leaders. The director and I communicated often, checking in about how she was doing and giving me heads up about any changes. The last week of camp had a huge bump in enrollment, so there were many new kids and also more staff. I happened to be there one day and was watching Makena through a doorway. She was laying on a bean bag chair, the same spot she had been in 30 minutes prior, while kids around her played. My heart was aching for her. She looked lonely and out of place and uncomfortable. But I didn't go to her. I just watched to see what else she would do. Suddenly an announcement was made for everyone to go to the field for an all camp game. Makena stood up and panicked. I saw her whole body tense and crumble, and she burst into tears. Kids were running excitedly out of the door and she spotted me. I tried to give her an encouraging look but she continued to freak out and came darting into my arms, sobbing uncontrollably. We found a quiet spot and I asked what was wrong. She didn't want to talk, but eventually she told me that she panicked because she didn't know where I was and she didn't want to have someone tell her it was time to go outside, since she didn't want to participate in the game. I told her that she didn't HAVE to, that she was allowed to tell them that she didn't feel like it, but she said, exasperated, "I know, but I didn't want to have to talk to anyone about it!"

It was becoming painfully clear to me that we had made the right choice to homeschool her.

Which is ironic, because just a week before the start of school we got a phone call that her spot on the wait list was open, and if we wanted her to attend the amazing parent participation elementary school, she could.

AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was shocked. We didn't anticipate that at all. After everything up to that point, I couldn't imagine sending her there. Especially not on such short notice!! Makena would need time to process it. Pam and I discussed it briefly and agreed we would stay with the homeschool plan, but we told Makena that she could decide. She didn't want to discuss it at all. She froze a bit and said "But we already talked about it and I'm only going to do homeschool!" So that settled it! Of course we don't want her feeling like she's missing out on something, so it was crucial that she was part of the decision making process. It's hard because she's young and can't fully see all the pros and cons of each option, and being home with mom obviously sounds better! I couldn't believe we were going to give up our coveted spot. But I really feel like keeping her home for at least this year was important for her emotional development. Dropping her off with a group of kids and a teacher she doesn't know for long days full of transitions and chaos just seems like too much for her right now. It just doesn't feel right to put her in a situation that isn't the right fit, when the option to homeschool is available and something I'm excited about! And she's my wonderful silly thoughtful little girl, who I love spending time with. Win-win!

Right around when all this was going on I saw a post on Facebook about a job opportunity that looked intriguing. I applied, and through the long application process became more and more excited about it. And then I was officially hired! I'm thrilled to say I'm now a Tinkergarten leader! I get to lead outdoor classes for kids and their grown ups, and I'm having so much fun with it. It's very part-time, and my kids are welcome to join me in the class. Makena likes to come be my helper, and my mom was watching Hadley for me since she's not as inclined to stay in one place. I just finished my first session, and I love that I get to decide how much I want to work. I'm on a break now with the busy holidays coming up, and I'm excited to start again in January. I really enjoy being in a teaching role again. And it's such a great supportive team to be a part of, plus I get to make a little money while feeling like I'm contributing in a meaningful way in my community!

And speaking of new jobs, Pam found an amazing new position! After a long time of looking and hoping for something great she deserved, she is now a school manager at a very nearby private school. It's so nice having her home every day before 5pm! She doesn't have to rush around to several different jobs, and she is really enjoying it which is so awesome. We are really happy, it feels like she finally got a break!! I love that she is happy there, and she also gets school vacation time so that's an added bonus! It's only a couple miles away, so she rides her bike sometimes. Unfortunately there isn't a bus that goes directly there without a transfer, plus it takes a ridiculous amount of time to go a pretty short distance, so that doesn't seem like a viable option. We mostly drive her on the days that we need the car, but then it's hard to kill time and keep Hadley occupied until we are ready for our plans. Anyways, 2 moms working jobs they enjoy... things are looking up for our household!!

So, our school year started, and it's going great! I was planning on being organized with themes every week and a daily schedule and all that. Buuuuuuuut that just hasn't happened. And what we are doing seems to be working! We feel very busy, and I quickly found out that homeschooling is a bit of a misnomer since we rarely seem to be home!! Tuesdays we have science class with the rest of our group. They are a very sweet bunch of kids ranging from K-8th grade. I love seeing how well they play together. The first few days were rough and Makena was VERY weepy and timid and I'm pretty darn sure she's got some anxiety issues. I was a bit of a wreck when I made that realization. I imagined a life of struggles ahead for her, and all I want is for her to be happy and healthy and confident. But now I have better insight on how to help her cope, and I feel like just having a few tools up my sleeves has already made a difference.

As far as schoolwork goes, Makena can be such a perfectionist that she has a hard time when things go wrong. Writing a letter backwards is enough to make her want to crumple the whole paper and cry. That can be frustrating for both of us. The actual requirements of paperwork that we have to submit is pretty low, so I've been trying to keep things simple for her sake. Makena likes to play pretend school, where I act like a teacher and she sits at a little step stool pretending it's a desk. It can be tricky with Hadley, she hasn't been napping these days which is very difficult! She used to take these great long naps and Makena and I would have time to play games and play and do schoolwork.

Speaking of my darling Hadley! This little one brings us all so much joy! She is fierce and funny and always on the go! She says so many more words than Makena did at this age. I can't believe she's almost 2 years old. 

She's not even close to being potty trained. She pays no mind to requests to look at something, to stop doing something, to come here, etc. Unless she wants to! You just never know, she does her own thing! She loves trains and planes and doggies and kitty cats and bugs. She has started playing pretend a little, today she was walking around with her hand by her ear saying hello and bye bye. She likes when you pretend to sleep and then she says "night night!" and you surprise her and "wake up" and she laughs. She shrieks with laughter often. She also shrieks with anger. She recently learned how to jump and knows almost all her body parts. (I like that she knows elbow!) She asks for "nil" which is her word for milk, aka nursing. Sometimes she will pull Pam's hand to make her get up from the rocking chair and then pull me over to sit, climb onto my lap, and start nursing. Books don't keep her attention for too long, unless she's on her potty when she requests books. Her favorites are the "That's Not My___" ones, or any books with textures inside them to feel.

Lately she's really been attached to this yellow stuffed duck that a family friend gave to Makena for Easter one year when she was little. And Makena is fine with letting Hadley take it around with her when we go in the car, because Makena hardly ever makes fusses about stuff like that. She is so patient with her little sister. Sometimes she goes into the other room to play, and sometimes she gets frustrated by Hadley messing stuff up, but mostly she's so loving and gentle with her! She can tell I get frustrated by Hadley being a handful and offers to help distract her while I make dinner or whatever. 

For the longest time Hadley was calling me "Mmm-hmm" as in, the noise you might make for saying "yes". It was humorous but also annoying. She would point to each of us, "Mama, Nya-nya (Makena), Mmm-hmm!" But now she's calling me Mommy ("Mah-mee!") and it's just the cutest thing when your baby calls you Mommy!!

I'm going to finish up this post now because it's been several days in the making. I want to do a post about all the fun we had over summer. Look for that in about 6 months. Lol. ;)

Donor sibling!

Last year I attended a Birth Without Fear meet up. BWF is a blog/facebook page that I've been following since 2010 when Makena was first born. It was largely because of BWF that I realized how lucky I had been with Makena's birth experience. I read so many stories from women who were unsatisfied and even traumatized from their births. The page exists to offer inspiration and support for women throughout their journeys of conception, pregnancy, birth, and beyond. And it's become this sort of movement as it gained popularity, a push to find support and become informed of your choices in birth. There was an event held in Oakland last year, when Hadley was just 6 weeks old. I wanted so badly to attend but couldn't justify the cost of the ticket. I applied for a scholarship ticket but didn't get one, so I sent an email to the founder explaining my desire to attend and talking about my fearless births and asked if there were any volunteer opportunities in exchange of admission. She wrote back and gave me a ticket! I was thrilled! But I needed a ride, since Pam would need the car for soccer all day.

On my local attachment parenting moms facebook group someone posted that they were attending the meet up and asked if anyone wanted to carpool. It worked out perfectly! While there someone asked the group for encouragement on getting pregnant, she said she and her wife had been trying to conceive for a while. I waited until there was a break and introduced myself and said something cheesy about how I can totally relate to their struggles and that my babies were donor conceived and that I hoped they'd succeed soon.

Fast forward a bit to a few months later when I attended MommyCon in SF, and met up with several of the same BWF gals. We had become friends on social media and now were going to meet for lunch in the city while we were at the conference. Much to our delight M & H announced that they were pregnant! Yay! Pregnancy announcements are always so fun. I was thrilled when I got an invite to their baby shower, and brought a few of our favorite children's books.

Their baby was born around Hadley's 1st birthday, and it was such a joy to see their beautiful professional birth photos! Waking up to brand new baby photos is one of my favorite ways to start a day! Knowing that friends are finally experiencing those precious first hours and days with their newborn after waiting so long to hold their baby in their arms just gives me so many warm fuzzies!

Fast forward again, a few months later, to when we had plans to meet up at Boobiepalooza. A few nights earlier M had posted on facebook a baby photo of H and a baby photo of their donor, comparing who baby S looked like. I literally gasped out loud, my jaw dropping. Pam asked what was up, and I showed her the photo of their donor. She didn't have the same reaction I did. I pulled out our file of donor info and the photo wasn't there. I went through old emails and found a copy. And there it was, the exact same baby photo. I immediately messaged M & H and told them the news that we had used the same donor for our babies!! Lots of "OMG!!!!" and "THIS IS SO CRAZY!" ensued!

After the excitement passed Pam and I realized we needed to figure out how to address this with Makena. We discussed again how babies are made and explained that the donor who gave the sperm that made Hadley also gave his sperm to M & H, and so that means baby S and Hadley are considered donor siblings, since they are half-related. We made sure to stress that Makena and Hadley are sisters, and belong to the same family, but that Hadley and S share some DNA and that's kinda cool. She seemed to take it well, I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I was hoping she wouldn't feel left out. It's pretty special and awesome that we have this link to another family, made even more awesome that we are friends! And it's a little bit of a bummer that we don't have that same sort of link for Makena, though I'm positive she has donor siblings out there. I don't know know exactly much she really grasps about the whole thing. It's an ongoing conversation, the story of how she and Hadley came into our lives.

So a couple days later we took a photo of the girls together and made the announcement that they are donor siblings. I wish we could see each other more often, but thanks to FB it'll be fun watching them get older and seeing if they look similar! We don't live far from each other at all, just a matter of scheduling a time that works!

Anyway, so that's a totally unexpected interesting little twist. :)

Screen Free Day!

Makena's summer bucket list included a day at home with no screen time. We don't really limit screens because they aren't usually a problem for us. Makena watches WAY more TV and has more time on the iPad than other kids we know, but she also doesn't crave or demand them as much. She will turn them off and go play when she feels like it, and she's learned so much that I see them as a valuable tool. She's not a child who doesn't get enough interaction from me, that's for sure! So, I thought her request to go screen free was interesting. I kept a (pen and paper!) log of how our day went-


7:30am I woke up, Makena was already awake and in the living room with Pam who was getting ready to leave for work.

7:45 Played with My Little Pony toys

8:00 Made signs and taped them to our phones, the laptop, the ipad, and covered the tv. (I cheated for 3 seconds just to snap this photo!)

8:15 Hadley woke up

8:20 Makena helped me make french toast for breakfast

8:30 Ate

8:55 Read to Hadley while Makena played with toys.

9:15 I brought out the wooden train track. Hadley just wanted to collect all the pieces and put them in a pile in her lap.

9:30 Washed the dishes while the kids continued playing.

9:45 Nursed Hadley, felt bored and wanted to check my phone. Hadley pointed at the TV and says "off!!" (meaning she wanted me to take that sign off and turn on the TV.)

9:55 We go out to the patio, I sweep and clean up while the kids play.

10:15 Gathered all the dirty clothes together to do laundry, told Makena to watch Hadley for a minute while I ran to the laundry room, but then realized we didn't have enough quarters.

10:20 Draw with chalk outside

10:30 Inside, Makena asked to play in the bedroom alone.

10:40 I start cooking lunch and see a text, fb message, and reminder alarm on my phone screen.

10:45 We have a pluot for a snack.

10:55 Time for an art project! We gather crayons and set them up with the canvas to melt in the sun.

11:15 Kids play with play-doh while I organize the craft closet a bit.

11:30 Nurse Hadley and trim her nails

11:45 Eat rice and lentils with green beans for lunch

12:00 Eat chocolate pudding with strawberries and whipped cream

12:10 Read books

12:15 I washed the dishes while the kids played in a fort

12:30 Go through the toy box and decide which toys to sell, organize the play kitchen food.

1:30 Nurse and rock Hadley while Makena plays in the bedroom.

1:50 Hadley's asleep!!

12:10 I lay her in the bed.

12:20 Makena and I do a ribbon wind sock craft.

12:30 Hadley is awake already!!

2:40 We all share an apple with peanut butter

2:50 It's too hot. We have some ice cream.

3:00 Play pretend restaurant

3:30 Rough housing a little on the floor.

3:45 Makena gives me a new hair style with lots of bows and clips while Hadley nurses.

4:00 Turn on the radio and have a dance off

4:50 Reading

5:00 Puzzles

5:20 Board Games

5:40 Get macaroni and cheese started for dinner

6:00 Eat

6:10 I hopped in the shower, but Hadley cried and tried to get in the bath the whole time. At 6:15 I got out and put her in the bath just as Pam got home.

6:30 Makena and I head out to The Cheesecake Factory to have some time together and for 1/2 price cheesecake day!

8:30 We get in the car to drive home. I can't believe the time, it feels so late!!

8:50 Get Makena in pjs and teeth brushed and in bed.

9:00 Hadley is asleep on Pam's lap, I lay her in bed and nurse her.

10:30 I get on the computer! Made it 24 full hours!!!!

Hadley's (late) 18 month old survey!

I did this with Makena at this age and wanted to get down Hadley's answers-
By 18 months of age does your child:

Motor Skills

• like to pull, push, and dump things Oh yes, Hadley has been pushing, pulling, and dumping for months!!
• pull off hat, socks, and mittens Yes!
• turn pages in a book Yes!
• stack 2 blocks She can stack more than 2 blocks.
• carry a stuffed animal or doll Recently yes. She likes to pretend to nurse them.
• scribble with crayons Yes! She takes them to the sliding door to scribble there.
• walk without help She's been walking since she was 9 months old, lol.
• run stiffly, with eyes on the ground No. She runs quickly and very steadily!

Sensory and Thinking Skills

• identify an object in a picture book Yes!
• laugh at silly actions (as in wearing a bowl as a hat) Yes! She's a very silly giggly girl!
• look for objects that are out of sight Yes!
• put a round lid on a round pot Yes!
• follow simple 1-step directions Yes! 
• solve problems by trial and error Yes! Though sometimes she gets frustrated and asks for help.

Language and Social Skills

• say 8-10 words you can understand Yes!
• look at a person who is talking to him Yes!
• ask specifically for her mother or father  She says Mama, for Pam, alllll the time! She doesn't say Mommy.
• use "hi," "bye," and "please," with reminders Yes! "hi" and "bye" on her own!
• protest when frustrated Sometimes. 
• ask for something by pointing or by using one word Yes!
• direct anothers attention to an object or action Yes!
• become anxious when separated from parent(s) No. If she gets upset when one of us leaves, it's usually just because she wants to go out too.
• seek attention Sometimes. She usually already has our attention though. ;)
• bring toys to share with parent Yes!
• act out a familiar activity in play (as in pretending to take a bath) Sometimes.
• play alone on the floor with toys Oh yes!
• compete with other children for toys Not really. If someone has something she wants she will usually whine for it, but it's generally easy to distract her or have her wait for a turn. She's VERY good at sharing!
• recognize herself in the mirror or in pictures Yes!
• seem selfish at times Selfish? I don't know? She's a toddler. Aren't they all selfish at times?

By 2 years of age does your child:

Motor Skills

• drink from a straw Yes!
• feed herself with a spoon Yes!
• help in washing hands Yes!
• put arms in sleeves with help Yes! She even does it all by herself sometimes!
• build a tower of 3-4 blocks Yes.
• toss or roll a large ball Yes!
• open cabinets, drawers, boxes Oh yes!
• operate a mechanical toy Yes!
• bend over to pick up a toy and not fall Yes!
• walk up steps with help Yes! She can walk up steps without help as long as she can hold on to the side.
• take steps backward Yes!

Sensory and Thinking Skills

• like to take things apart Yes!
• explore surroundings Yes!
• point to 5-6 parts of a doll when asked Yes!

Language and Social Skills

• have a vocabulary of several hundred words I don't know, I need to make a list of the words she says.
• use 2-3 word sentences Sometimes, she will say "shoes. go outside." "more berries" "oh no pee pee" stuff like that
• say names of toys Some of them. ball, kitty, book, baby, blankie...
• ask for information about an object (asks, "Shoe?" while pointing to shoe box) I think so
• hum or try to sing YES!! She's been singing "Let it go!" for a while now! Plus "itsy bitsy spider" and "twinkle"
• listen to short rhymes Yes.
• like to imitate parents Yes, but mostly she imitates Makena!
• sometimes get angry and have temper tantrums A little. Mostly because she wants to go outside.
• act shy around strangers Sometimes.
• comfort a distressed friend or parent Sometimes. She's always concerned when Makena cries.
• take turns in play with other children She mostly watches them or plays on her own.
• treat a doll or stuffed animal as though it were alive Sometimes.
• apply pretend action to others (as in pretending to feed a doll)Yes.
• show awareness of parental approval or disapproval for her actions Yes.
• refer to self by name and use "me" and "mine" No.
• verbalize his desires and feelings ("I want cookie") She can tell us "go out!"
• laugh at silly labeling of objects and events (as in calling a nose an ear) Not really.
• enjoy looking at one book over and over Yes!
• point to eyes, ears, or nose when you ask Yes!

Does it bring you joy?

There's this idea I recently heard of, a way to better organize your life and make space for what matters most. I think it started with a book, but I only read an article about it. The biggest piece I came away with is the simple idea to hold objects in your hand and ask if it brings you joy. If it doesn't, then get rid of it. Could it really be that easy?! I admit that I have hoarder tendencies. I worry about getting rid of things that I might need later. It feels wasteful, the thought that I'll just buy it again the next time I want something. And for me lots of things have sentimental value so I try to justify that reason for holding on to things. I hate throwing away sentimental stuff memories are hugely important to me. I've gotten much better about it though, when we moved into this little 1 bedroom apartment we did a LOT of downsizing. But we kept a lot of stuff in storage, and they kept raising the cost, and we eventually closed it out and moved stuff into my parents basement after doing another big purge. And then my parents moved and we just can't afford another storage unit so we transferred all that stuff to our patio. There it all sits, stacked in a pile, taking up precious room.

We told ourselves that we HAVE to go through every single box and tote and seriously consolidate everything into as little as possible. I think about moving all the time. A garage, a storage closet, or even 2nd bedroom... Oh how different our home life would be if we weren't surrounded all the time. It's starting to feel suffocating. We really have too much stuff to live comfortably in this place, and since we can't move we need to make it work here!

When I start thinking about how long it's been since I've posted in this blog I feel overwhelmed. Nothing since Makena's birthday in January?! It's JUNE! There is so much to catch up on! So many things have happened since then and I don't want to forget any of it! But the reality is that those memories have already mostly faded. I usually look back on photos or read my facebook posts to fill in the months.

But back to purging. I'm purging on a more personal level too. Today I deactivated my facebook account. Basically that means I have disappeared, and can't access anything, but it's only temporary. I thought about what else I could do with my time, instead of mindlessly scrolling through my feed and refreshing the page. It's only been a few hours but already I have caught myself wanting to click on facebook. (I've deleted the app and bookmark, otherwise I'm sure I would have clicked without even thinking about it. It's like being on auto-pilot, I check facebook whenever I'm on my phone or the computer.)

The first thing I thought about doing after I hit that deactivate button (well, the first thing I thought about when I had a moment of silence to think about anything after I set up the tent for the kids to play with and made lunch and played with blocks and cleaned up and gave the kids a bath and got a snack for them, etc...) was updating this blog. Keeping my memories here really matters to me. It brings me joy. It feels important, like a little security net, knowing my kids will have access to this some day.

So in addition to getting stuff out of my life that I don't need, I'm going to try to set aside time in my day for things that bring me joy, like being better about posting here!

February & March Photo Catch Up Post!

And here we go again with another catch up post!! 

Our friends adopted 2 kitties, and they are Hadley's favorite things ever! One day I was nursing her and a kitty jumped onto my lap to snuggle and started licking Hadley's face, she was laughing and trying to continue nursing at the same time. 

Hadley's so silly. Sometimes she'll do weird things and we just watch her and wonder what's going through her mind! Here she kept leaning back on this booster seat over and over. You can see her stomach muscle thing well, it shows up whenever she engages her core like that.

We got to keep the kitties at our home for 10 days while our friends went on vacation! It was so fun, and really got us wanting a cat. We still miss Donte and I'm so sad that Hadley never got to know him.

I won tickets to Disney on Ice and Makena invited her friend P. It was a late night (on a school night too!) but they had such a blast! Makena has had some weird issues with this friend, who is the sweetest thing and adores Makena, but for some reason Makena kept getting get annoyed with her. She would get grumpy that she wanted to sit next to her all the time, but then she would cry when it was time to leave her house. Thankfully she got over it because it was bumming me out!

One day at preschool it was pajama day, and each kid was told they could bring a stuffed animal with them. Makena picked her giraffe, "Giraffie". Pam bought it for her while I was pregnant. We thought it might be her lovey some day but she never took to anything in that way. But she does seem to like it more these days so I wasn't surprised when she picked to take him. She missed pj day last year due to illness, and was very excited to experience it this year. It was a busy morning, and as we got out of the car at school I realized we had forgotten Giraffie at home. I was frustrated. I had told Makena to make sure she remembered, and I had seen her holding him at the table for breakfast. We checked the car to be sure but she was in tears saying she left him. She was a complete wreck. My heart was breaking, I felt bad that I didn't remember to check that she had him when we left. I got her to calm down a bit and we walked into school and I offered her to pick one of the stuffed animals at school to adopt for the day. She was trying not to cry but I could tell how sad she was. I normally don't go home while she's at preschool, it feels like a waste of time because it's really only about 2 hours once I factor in that I usually don't leave the school until 9:30, then like to arrive at 11:45. Plus the drive time of about 15 minutes each way. So I really didn't want to go back home to get it, especially not to grab it and rush right back to school. A small part of me thought that it was a natural consequence type of life lesson, that oh well, you forgot it so now you have to deal with not having it.

But mistakes happen, and that kind of attitude is not exactly how I parent. Because here's the thing, if I had forgotten something and was upset about it, I would love it if someone went to grab it for me. It's just the kind thing to do. I was able to run home and get it. It was a little inconvenient, sure, and not fun for Hadley to go back into the car for the 30 minute round trip, but it's not like I had somewhere else I had to be. I COULD go get it, so why would I CHOOSE not to? That's not the type of lesson I want to teach her. So I explained that to her, and got the giraffe, and brought it to school, and she was so thankful and happy. And it was totally worth it.

Here is Makena with the avocado tree my mom planted when she was born. Look at that 5 year old tree!

She's been doing so well at going to bed by herself. We say goodnight, give cuddles, put on a CD of instrumental lullaby music, turn off the lights and walk out of the room. And she tends to just fall asleep! Sometimes she asks us to stay in the bedroom for a bit, and sometimes she says she's worried that she just can't do it by herself, but we remind her that she has before and will be asleep soon. But there are times when Pam is out late and bedtime duty falls on me alone, and that's trickier because Makena is needier and I can't help her as much because Hadley just wants to climb the ladder up to her bed and play. So sometimes I will let Makena watch a movie on the couch with me while I try to rock and nurse Hadley to sleep. On this particular day that's what happened, and when I went to transfer Hadley into bed Makena came in with me and wanted to lay with us, since I usually have to nurse the baby a little more when she wakes as I lay her down. And then I realized both kids were asleep curled up next to me, and as I slowly got up they cuddled up closer to each other.

Fun at the Children's Discovery Museum!

Getting ready for St. Patrick's Day with Grandmo!

I love that when Makena is in bed if her hand flops over the edge I can almost reach her from my spot in bed. Some day I'm sure we will live in a bigger place and eventually the kids will have their own room. But I do still miss sleeping next to her every night and all the snuggling, so for now sharing a bedroom is fine!

Notes from Makena always make me smile.

Last year we noticed a flyer that the school across the street from our apartment was having a fun run, to raise money for orphans in Zimbabwe. We signed up Makena and she participated in the little 220 yard race. This year we signed her up again, and she talked about wanting to run fast and win. Pam stood with her at the start line, and sent me a text saying Makena changed her mind and didn't want to run. We told her she doesn't have to, but she might regret not doing it, and it's just for fun anyway. So she ran, and I stood by the finish line taking a video of her. As she came into view I cheered for her, and I saw her about to cry. I directed her to where Pam was standing and they finished the race together. Makena ended up being in 2nd place for girls! She cried at the end, saying it was too far and she didn't know where we were and it was crowded. But she was thrilled to receive a trophy! They called her up and she was nervous standing there with the other winners. We were right in the front row through, and soon she was all smiles showing off how proud she was!

I really appreciate little opportunities for her to learn how to overcome her feelings of being uncomfortable. Chances to speak up and raise her hand and such do wonders for her self confidence. It's such a hard thing for me to relate to. I know I had plenty of shy moments of a child but now that just isn't my personality at all. At her preschool towards the end of the year her teacher introduced Teacher Of The Day, where each kid got the chance to be the helper and ring the bell, bring in something to share for show and tell, and a book. I Makena debated for weeks what book to bring, and what toy to show. She decided on Katy No Pocket, and a Lego Friends Jungle Rescue set. She had such a blast, and it was so cute to watch her take that leadership role. When it was time for the teacher to read out the names of the kids who were going to music class Makena asked to read them. She read every name! She also read the names that she picked out of the cup for kids that circled the letter of the day in the morning message. When it was time to select the final name I saw her looking at the orange popsicle sticks and trying to find her own name. I was pleasantly surprised to see that she pulled her name! Normally such a rule follower I was glad to see she did that tiny little sneaky thing. And I love how discreetly she did it too. Gosh I love that girl.

During the preschool carnival auction we bid on (and won!) a 4 pack of tickets to a little local children's theater. We decided to split them up so Pam took Makena to see Madeline, and I took her to see Charlotte's Web. Time together is so important, we have so much fun and it's so relaxed without me needing to run after the baby. I love when I get the chance to sit and chat and reconnect with my darling firstborn!

Makena's Frozen 5th Birthday Party!

Makena wanted a Frozen party the shortly after she saw the movie. I rolled my eyes at the idea, tried to suggest other things, but she was insistent. Her 3rd birthday party was a snow theme, and we had some leftover stuff, and other friends gave us their leftover Frozen stuff, so we went for it! She says she wants her 6th birthday at Chuck-E-Cheese's so she can go inside the ticket blaster thing. We'll see. After this party I felt really done with party planning. And that bums me out because I used to really LOVE party planning! I mean, I still do, but I just wish we had more money I guess, so that I could do more and not feel guilty about every little dollar.

We had her party at preschool. She made the guest list, inviting a few new friends from preschool. She asked for a pinata. I don't like pinatas, but we found a hilariously huge one for cheap. We filled it with blue and white and silver beads, blue bead necklaces, bracelets, York peppermint patties, mini packages of Frozen jellybeans, and blue candy canes.

We had bags and foam snowflakes for the kids to decorate with stickers, pin the carrot nose on Olaf, and that's about it for activities. So much for freeze dance and musical chairs, both of which Makena asked to do but we forgot. Thankfully she didn't bring it up! The kids also got a blue pipe cleaner to take home and string their beads on to. After the pinata broke open (this thing was too-well constructed, I ended up having to rip it apart and shake it out!) the kids sat under it quietly for a while, collecting beads in the tanbark. The next day at school some kids were still delighted to find more beads! I bet there are more still there.

Makena asked for an ice cream cake. I looked up some recipes but decided it would be better to make a regular cake and decorate it awesomely. Then we decided to make the cake special by putting surprise blue polka dots inside it, like snowballs! It came out really well and was a huge hit! Pam made a sheet of blue glass candy, and shattered it into pieces to make an ice castle. 

While singing happy birthday Makena gave Pam a little hug, then she turned and gave me one. She is really the sweetest thing!

Hadley had a blast with the balloons!

Makena got some really fantastic gifts- a trio of different ice cream store gift cards for her own frozen enjoyment, Legos, games, clothes, and a bunch of fun crafts including Shrinky-Dinks! I know a lot of people don't do gifts for their kids birthdays, and I totally understand that. Some kids have entire bedrooms and playrooms full of toys. And while my kids do have more toys than they need, they don't really get new toys or clothes or other things throughout the year. Christmas and their birthday are when we pull every resource together to shower them with their needs and wants and fun stuff to mix it all up and tide us over until next year.

Earlier in the morning of her party day (which was 2 days before her real birthday) I gave her the American Girl doll that I'd been so excited to give to her! She's been asking for one ever since the store opened near us. That year we got her the Target knock-off version, but the quality is clearly lacking. She has two of those dolls and their hair is a horrendous mess and they don't stand up. Makena really wanted to have a real AG doll and go to the salon and cafe at the store. A friend of mine contacted me and said she had a doll that she wanted to give to me for Makena. I was thrilled!! The doll is in beautiful condition, and she gave me some clothes too. I was worried that Makena wouldn't completely love the doll, since it's not one that looks like her. She has the catalog and has circled the dolls that have light skin and curly hair. This doll has medium skin and straight hair. But thankfully she loves her! My mom is going to bring Makena to store for a day of fun, they have reservations at the bistro and I can't wait to see photos!! My mom also got her an Elsa dress for her doll, which was perfect for the party!

On the day of her birthday we dropped her off at preschool and went on a tour at a local school we are hoping to send her to. After that we joined her in class and she did her sun walk, carrying the earth around 5 times. We asked where she wanted to go for her birthday meal (lunch, since I had a meeting later and would miss dinner time) and she picked PF Chang's, "the place with the noodles and Baby Buddha Feast!" (Which is steamed broccoli, carrots, and snap peas... things she eats at home practically every day, lol.)

After lunch we went to the American Girl doll store, with her doll, who she named Rebecca Alexis. The name is awesomely ironic, because those are practically the same names of the girls whose mom gave me the doll. Kismet! She got to pick out a hair brush and pair of pajamas for her doll. Pam also bought Makena a Razor scooter, pink with light-up wheels of course! It was a fun day. And now we have a 5 year old. And a 1 year old. And basically my life is this crazy dream.