Sad smiles

Last night Makena woke around 3am crying from a bad dream. She was saying "No! Don't go babysitting, stay!" and it absolutely broke my heart. Interesting how this is a kid who we rarely leave and she was plagued by that sadness in her dream. I know people say she needs to experience us being gone more so she can learn to be comfortable with it, and I could benefit from the same practice because it's uncomfortable for me to be away from her, too. But I just don't like that idea. I don't like to leave her. And if I don't have to, I'd rather not do something we both dislike.

Today Pam got off work early and I needed to run a few errands. (Side note- last time I told Makena we were going to run errands she started to cry when we were going home and asked when we were going to Erin's house. Oops!) I had to go to the bank, post office and to the next city over to check out a couch that was being offered for free. I figured Makena would stay home with Pam. She was still in her pj's and she's been really missing Mama a lot lately (she got home after 1am last night and Makena hates not seeing her after work. Then when we woke this morning Pam was already gone and Makena was crying about that. Very sad.)

So I thought they'd hang out while I was away. And I wanted to quickly get this stuff done. But Makena started to cry and say that she wanted to come with me. And why not? I always take her with me when we're out and about. I was having a hard time convincing her to stay behind because I might as well take her with me. I didn't really have a good reason for why she couldn't come. It wasn't even that I wanted time away. But Pam wanted her to stay, and it would be faster and easier for me to do it alone.

She kept hugging and holding on to me. I didn't want to leave. Then she seemed to be okay and I put my shoes on but she fell apart again and I fell apart and went into the bedroom to cry. I heard Pam comforting Makena and saying they could go to the park and have fun, and then she told her to go see Mommy in the bedroom and smile and say she's ready to say goodbye.

Makena came in, and gave me a smile. A little smile. A sad smile. A sad little forced smile because she was trying so hard to not cry. She was trying to be strong and brave and she climbed into my lap on the bed and said in a tiny wavering voice, "I'm happy now Mommy, see?"

And then she started to cry. And so I cried some more. And we snuggled and I told her that I don't like to leave her, and that I feel sad when we're apart. And I told her that she and Mama could have some fun together and I wouldn't be gone long anyways, maybe an hour. We both composed ourselves and then I grabbed my purse and she gave me a huge tight hug and we blew each other kisses and I left.

As I drove away I hoped that her last memory of me, if tragedy were to strike, would be the knowledge that I'm just as sad as she is when we're apart. I can be happy while away from her, and I know she can be too! But that doesn't mean we aren't thinking of each other and looking forward to being together again as soon as possible.

When I was coming home I passed her and Pam walking to the park. Makena was excited that she was riding her bike to the park, and happy that I pulled over and could give them the sand toys that were in the car. And instead of joining them at the park like I wanted to, I went home to the empty house and drank some lemonade and took a few deep breaths.

They came home an hour later and I got a big hug and stories of all the fun they had.

Baby steps.

Makena's first lemonade stand!

Last summer Makena wanted to have a lemonade stand. I'm not sure what sparked the idea, maybe it was a book or tv show or maybe we saw one or just mentioned it. She asked about it a few times and we just never did it. Then the weather got colder and I told her we'd be sure to have a lemonade stand at summertime. When we made our Summer 2013 To Do list last month, it was on the top.

I put an ad on freecycle asking for lemons for my 3.5 year old to have her first lemonade stand, and got a few replies. We picked up a big bag of freshly picked Meyer lemons and had fun juicing them. I think we had about 7-8 gallons worth of lemonade made, and then I spilled a huge amount. I figured we had too much anyway, and was more annoyed about having to clean up a huge sticky mess.

We made signs (okay, I made signs) and Makena decided a cup of lemonade should be a quarter. So I bought little cups, and the big cups we sold for $1. I put an ad on craigslist in the garage sale section, and told everyone on facebook to come on by! 

My mom came over to help. The day before Makena had asked me "Does Grandmo have work tomorrow? Does she have the car? Is she coming to buy lemonade or to sit behind the table with me to sell it?" then she asked me to call her and ask. We made pink lemonade cookies and lemon cupcakes (with coconut oil so they tasted lemon coconutty) and key lime frosting. Makena wore a special yellow shirt/dress and was so excited. She woke up this morning asking me when it would be 1 o'clock. To kill some time we walked to the party store and bought 3 yellow balloons. My mom arrived and we got the table cloths ready and then Pam came home and we started setting up at 12:30. As we were grabbing more stuff in the house my mom sent a text telling me we had customers! We brought the lemonade and ice out and Makena was thrilled to have her first sale of the day! 

I wanted to get a photo of our whole set up, we picked a great shaded spot next to the ball field where they were having a game. As I snapped this photo a customer was walking up and I love Makena's excited face! She got shy often and even though we practiced the last few days she seemed to get a bit of stage fright and forgot her customer service skills. We did most of the transactions for her while she put the money into her register. Our method of filling each cup with ice/lemonade wasn't very efficient, next time we'll have a better system!

Overall it was a big success, we had a pretty steady stream of customers and even a line at a couple points! We ran out of lemonade about an hour in, so Pam rushed to Safeway for some back up. We poured the store-bought kind in with the rest of the freshly squeezed kind, so it wasn't exactly false advertising... lol.

She kept drinking more and more lemonade. The cupcakes were a hit. Some people came back for seconds of lemonade, or decided to buy a large cup after drinking their small cup. We even had a couple people drive up to the curb and we brought them a cup right to their car!

She made $41 and that's pretty good considering I spent about $30 on supplies. My mom put in $10 to help us have change, and Pam spent $10 when she went to get more lemonade.

Gosh she's adorable. She had quite a few friends show up and loved seeing them.

Makena said her best part of the day was "When Emily came to the lemonade stand and gave me the placemat I've always been wanting!" (When we went to Disneyland in January she had a choice to buy two different placemats, and she picked the Ariel one. Then once we were home she said she wanted the other one. When Erin was at Disneyland a couple months ago I asked her to grab it and when she opened the bag Makena exclaimed "It's the one I've been wanting!" I love that she doesn't forget stuff!)

Her other favorite part of the day was "Eating lunch at the kid table that Grandmo left here!" Lol. Normally she'll eat at either the kitchen table or on her snack mat in the living room, but we don't have a little table/chair for her. We just don't have the room. My mom let us borrow the little table she got from freecycle for the lemonade stand, and when we were done Makena was excited that it was left behind.

She said the worst part of the day was "When my balloons flew away at the end, and it was so bad I even cried." And she sure did cry. Pam was taking the balloons down and they escaped, and Makena stood there in tears saying she wanted them back right now Mama!

And what will she do with her hard earned money? She said "Buy stuff, like another Minnie doll for the baby, or ice cream, or play mini golf because I never did that!" At bedtime she asked if Mama had work tomorrow, and I said no. She asked if we could do something fun all together, and I asked like what? She said maybe we could go out for ice cream. Sounds good to me! :)