Donor Sperm

When Pam and I first started thinking about starting a family, we were living in New York City. We wanted to move away, and considered California, or Colorado, or maybe even Washington. I did a quick search for sperm banks, and obviously California had way more options. I was particular drawn to http://www.gayspermbank.com/ a bank that used mostly gay donors, and they were all ID release when the baby was 3 months old. The site explained that these were mostly men who didn’t want children to raise, but did want to be somewhat a part of the child’s life. Also, they say that they do not offer their services to parents who are going to circumcise their babies, which was a huge selling point for me. I know that can’t be regulated, but I love the fact that they put it out there and I hope it helps start that important conversation/research. Unfortunately, we didn’t see any donors on their list that stood out as The One. It didn’t matter though, because we weren’t ready yet.

We ended up moving to California, largely because I have family here and was raised here. I loved my childhood. Growing up in these same neighborhoods is exactly what I wanted for our children. When we got serious about having a baby, we revisited the options and discussed all the different possibilities. If we had a close male friend we would have absolutely considered asking him to donate. We thought about the fact that we each have brothers, and maybe for the genetic link we could… no, wait. Not going to happen. We were too squeamish about that thought, though I do love the idea of it. So we decided to go with PRS, in San Francisco. They were local, well, a 30 minute drive away, but we wouldn’t have to ship anything. Plus, they do the insemination there on site, so I wouldn’t need to use a RE or anything. I didn’t have any health insurance, so we were hoping for the cheapest fastest option to get me knocked up. Well, aside for sleeping with some random dude, which I did (very) briefly think about.


Picking a donor was so much fun for us. We knew that most importantly we wanted a donor that had Pam’s physical characteristics. And when we finally picked this is what I wrote:

So what finally pushed us towards him?
We’re not sure. He was one that we kept going back to, and had a limited supply so when we found out that there was still some left we decided to go for it! He is an anonymous donor, which as you know from my last post we didn’t know if we considered that a pro or a con. They way I think of it, if this works, then great! It was meant to be him. If not, maybe we’ll pick a new donor and have better luck. You never know.


And there you have it. Once I was pregnant we ordered a copy of his baby photos and his audio interview. I listened to that 45 minute CD grinning from ear to ear. I loved his answers, his laugh. And he said that he’s totally open to being contacted in the future but his current girlfriend was uncomfortable with that, so he chose to be anonymous. The way he talked about it though gave me the feeling that there’s a way around the anonymous part. And with all we know about him, I know there’s a very good chance we could locate him if that’s what Makena wants some day.

I would love contact with him. I would love contact with half-siblings. I check the registry all the time but there isn’t a listing for him. I keep thinking I should add the listing and then maybe we’d be contacted, but we’ll see. If it was free I totally would. When Makena was only a couple months old we got a letter saying that our donors supply was about to run out, and if we wanted more vials to purchase them now. We decided not to, nor do we have any stored. The reason for that is we are really hoping that Pam can get pregnant for baby #2, and we will want to pick a donor who has my characteristics. Now, is it realistic that Pam will get pregnant? Who knows. If she can’t after a couple tries, we’ll be extremely sad. But, silver lining, I’ll get to try again. And at that point, I’m sure we’ll be wishing we had some of the same donor vials in storage. We don’t though, and we really hope that Pam can get pregnant anyway!

So, that’s that. If I think about it too much I feel annoyed that we had to rely on a 3rd party to make our family, and it bothers me that there isn’t a biological link between Makena and Pam. But there is no denying that Pam is 110% Makena’s mama. Every single person comments on how Makena looks just like her. Which is sweet, and what we wanted. But of course I do wish Makena at least looked slightly like me. When she was a tiny baby my dad even asked if I was sure we used my eggs. I think he was kinda kidding. At least I hope so. (Lol?!)

Communication Failure(s)

This morning I was getting ready to take a shower and Pam was doing the dishes. Makena was playing in the living room, and she came into the bathroom with her Curious George coloring book. She said, “ah dah” and moved her body in a funny little way. I told her, “Yes, that’s your coloring book, do you want to draw?” She said no and then repeated “ah dah”-ing.

“Yes,” I said, “that’s George, the monkey…” But nope, she was trying to tell me something else. She put the book on the floor and pointed at what George was holding. “Ah dah!” I then realized it was a hot dog… “OH!! HOT DOG!” She clapped and started doing the hot dog dance, which is at the end of every Mickey Mouse Clubhouse episode. I can’t believe she put those two together. She doesn’t even eat hot dogs! And the hot dog dance has nothing to do with hot dogs. They just sing, “Hot dog, hot dog, hot diggity dog!” Lol. She loves that dance. And I love that she made that connection to a picture of a monkey holding a hot dog!

Pam left for work and Makena helped me crack the eggs and scramble them for breakfast. She spent the whole morning diaper free, and when she peed on the floor she came and told me about the “Meh! Oh no meh!” (Mess, lol.)






Later we went downstairs to play in the little inflated pool. I brought a bag with bath toys, and stuck a roll of Oreos in there for me. After I gave Makena the toys to put in the pool she wanted the bag. I was on to her. She must’ve seen the cookies. I kept distracting her, and she kept asking for the bag. “Ah, ah, ah!” She wasn’t letting it go, and I knew I’d never be able to eat the Oreos now, so I gave in and let her look in the bag.

Imagine my surprise when she reached in and pulled out her hat exclaiming, “AH!” My heart swelled. I had forgotten to put her hat on her and she was trying SO hard to remind me! Of course once her hat was on her head she asked for a cookie.

And of course I let her have one.

Makena's first camping trip!

On Sunday August 28th we went camping at Del Valle in Livermore. We've camped there a few times before, and as a kid I camped there with my family many times. It's not a woodsy/forest type of place, it's a pretty open easy campground. And that's great, because while I enjoy camping, we seem to get there and as soon as it's nighttime wonder why on Earth we decided to go camping. It was pretty empty too, since most people had left that morning. So that was awesome. Also I was able to book our favorite campsite, #53.

When I was pregnant we saw this "Time For S'more Fun" shirt at the Gap and had to buy it. We didn't know yet if it was a boy or a girl, and it's 6-12 month size. We didn't go camping last summer, so even though I keep clearing out the too small clothes from her drawers, I've left this shirt folded in the corner, knowing there'd be no way it would fit her as the months went by. Much to our surprise, it fit! Well, kinda. Her little belly was poking out but it was super cute!

We set up our tent and unpacked everything then had some chickpea ball pita pockets and pasta salad and fruit for lunch. It was HOT, upper 90's the whole time we were there. Well, at night it was much cooler, like what always happens here in CA, but the afternoons were hot and dry!

Makena loved following my mom around and helping her with everything.

They cooled off in the creek and went exploring. (See the belly poking out of her shirt??)

Makena had a blast with all the climbing and walking. She had so much space to run around and was free to get dirty and do whatever she wanted most of the time!

Our tent (before the rain cover was put on) We love this tent, bought it with money we received from our wedding! It has 2 rooms (or one huge room) and a screened in porch.

The picnic table and dish cleaning station my mom set up. (My mom is great to go camping with because she comes so well prepared! She and my dad rented a u-haul and packed it full of every single thing possible to make this an awesome camping trip!)

Their tent and the play area for Makena! The fire pit is to the left of the picnic table and to the right of their tent.

Makena loved her little pool, and I threw a huge ice cube in there for her to play with. (She kept saying "bath" and wanted to take off all her clothes. lol. She's a silly kid.

My mom and I went looking for a geocache and realized all of a sudden that Makena had fallen asleep on the walk.

She woke up grumpy and hot and clingy and wanting to be held by her mommy. <3

It's getting later, outfit change! Makena's favorite part I think was climbing on all the big rocks.

And climbing on logs. We saw lizards, rabbits, deer, wild turkeys, chipmunks, and lots of different birds. Woodpeckers and blue jays mostly.

Enjoying a snack with her grandmo!

Nighttime! Putting stickers on her little play tent.

Good morning!! Getting some morning snuggles with Mama! I didn't sleep very well the first night. I tried to have Makena sleep on her crib mattress which was next to me on the air mattress, but of course to nurse her she had to be on my mattress and ended up staying there all night... and the air mattress is so bouncy that I couldn't move without waking her up. Plus she is like a little furnace and I was sweating and so uncomfortable. The next night I switched with Pam and slept on the foam futon pad and had Makena on the floor next to me on some folded up blankets. lol. It worked out much better that way!

Warming her hands by the fire.

Looking super cute!

Blowing bubbles all by herself!

Aww, I love my sweet smiley girl!

Crawling around in the dirt.

Being silly in the tent.
She kept wanting to climb up onto this rock, but then she'd just whine for me to help her get down. I think we did it about 10 times before I finally distracted her by talking about going swimming.
In the lake!
She loved the water... and kept drinking sips. SO gross.

Flying a kite! A Toy Story kite!

More climbing!

Yay, we made it!
Family photo!
With my dad, trying out the new walking sticks.

More rock climbing! I let her get on this one without helping her, and then she stood up and said, "Yay!" and I quickly grabbed her before she fell.

In the morning we packed up to leave and Makena and grandmo read some stories by the fire.

She found this big stick/branch and carried it all over, and then tried to ride it like a broomstick. lol.
All in all it was a very successful trip! We hope to camp more in the future. Makena had such a great time, she was sad to leave. I was happy to get home to our bed and take a nice long bath!