Saturday, April 14, 2012

Easter, dancing, and being a professional full time mom.

Every time I want to write about something I get distracted by photos. I check the last blog update then open the folder of pictures and try to pick a couple to jog my memory so I can write a post. Then I scroll through a hundred photos of the cutest kid I've ever known and struggle to narrow it down. And then I completely forget what I wanted to post about, other than the fact that Makena is amazing.


She absolutely adores visiting Pam at work. She plays in the preschool room and cries when we have to leave. She also adores that purple sparkle skirt and often picks it out to wear. I love watching her choose her clothes, she looks at everything and really decides, she doesn't just grab whatever. Clearly she didn't get that sense of style from me.

At Panera for lunch one day we got to pick a free cookie, and she wanted the Easter egg one. Then she picked off each M&M and ate them. She didn't even want the cookie. I ate it and it was delicious. That was probably the most candy I had ever let her eat in one sitting. She usually has a little bit of sweets, definitely more than I ever imagined/wanted my 2 year old to have, but she really prefers healthy whole raw foods. (foreshadowing...) I feel like she eats pretty darn healthy the majority of the time, and I don't mind sharing a small indulgent treat with her occasionally.


Lately any stickers she comes across go immediately on her body. Temporary tattoos used to be her thing, but I think stickers are cooler now. Or maybe she just got bored of only getting the tattoos on her hands. Today she wanted Mickey Mouse tattoos then immediately wanted to wash them off.


A couple weekends ago we went to Baby Loves Disco at the mall, and I was so excited for the toddler dance party. But it was at a mall, not a night club. And it was a tiny space and Makena hadn't napped, so we left early. She had been so psyched about it though, and loved dancing up until she got whiny and wanted to be held the whole time. Freeze dance was a big hit! We've signed her up for a dance class that starts on Monday, and Andrea is the teacher which will be so fun!


We painted toilet paper rolls one day. She's obsessed with painting. It drives me a little crazy that she always goes for the black first then dips it into each color. And she has a tendency to knock over the water cup a lot which makes for lots of clean up. I'm looking forward to getting her an easel for outside when we move to our new apartment. (More on THAT later.)


Makena picked up a cold and had a slight fever and wasn't sleeping well and was throwing up and a huge mess. She was miserable. She fell asleep while nursing on my lap as we sat on the couch. I was on the phone and shocked that she fell asleep while I was talking. I was even more shocked when I got up and she stayed asleep. Poor baby. I continually thank my lucky stars for our health. A few days of snot and puke and poop and crying is hard to handle. I can't imagine how hard it is for families with chronically ill children.  :(


She picked out this outfit when we finally left the house after staying in for 4 days while she got over her bug.


While Makena was dealing with her sickness, we were dealing with a bug problem in our kitchen. It was awful, we had to throw away pretty much every single thing in our cabinets that was in a cardboard package. Everything had these microscopic tiny bugs in the boxes, and I totally freaked out. It was a tough week. So much wasted food. We spent a pretty penny on new storage containers for our grains. Then since we didn't have food at home and we were right near The Counter we went to dinner. Man I love that place. It cheered me up after the week of puke and bugs. Makena loves that there is a tiny playground next to it, and this fun stage to run around on.


We dyed eggs for Easter, and planned to turn them into deviled eggs... but I way over cooked them and we had to throw them out. April has not been a good month for our budget. We wanted to go to a local Easter egg hunt and festival, but decided to lay low and ensure Makena felt better for Easter.


Easter eve we talked about the bunny and left out a bowl of carrots. Makena wanted to put the bowl outside, so I explained again that he was coming to hide her basket, and then she put the bowl next to the front door. Lol. She woke up and we went to check the carrots. They were gone! Amazing. Then she found the eggs we hid around the living room, and then we had her look for her basket. It was inside her kitchen play set fridge, and she was thrilled when she wound it. She kept laughing, it was so adorable.


We played with her new things, ate bagels for breakfast, then got dressed and went to Ian and Colin's for an Easter egg hunt! Makena was so cute and found so many eggs! There were lots of kids but she made her way to an area where she was alone.


She did a lot of running around from all the excitement and I couldn't get a good photo so I'm thankful this one was emailed to me! I get overwhelmed by her cuteness more often than is probably normal.


We opened her eggs and she found a chocolate piece.


Thus began the day of sweets... we left and met my mom at the cottage, (she and my dad are moving in to it soon) where she had an egg hunt waiting for us. Pam and I each got candy and a movie ticket. :) Makena got more sweets, and sunflower seeds. Then we went to my parents apartment and had dinner. We had tossed around the idea of moving in to their apartment when they moved out, but didn't seriously consider it really. Well, we talked about it, weighed pros and cons, and decided to go for it. The best part will be the outdoor access for Makena. I already have plans to turn it into a fun little yard for her. And it's closer to both our jobs, and within walking distance to lots of stuff including the library. It's also marginally cheaper. It's smaller though, only 1 bedroom. The kitchen is tiny and old and there isn't a dishwasher. I absolutely love our current kitchen, with it's marble counters and brand new remodel that we were the first tenants to enjoy. But I'm trying to focus on the positives. I think we'll be plenty happy after the move and adjustment period! I loathe packing and moving, so I'm dreading it completely.

Anyways, back to the candy. Makena enjoyed candy, a cupcake, some ice cream, cookies... and then more candy. The next day I found her sneaking candies (I didn't realize the bag had a hole that she got in to!) and she flipped her lid when I cut her off. For a couple days she's been doing this at the drop of a hat-


I don't know if it's candy related or lack of sleep or both. She hasn't been sleeping well at all, I feel like a zombie. She wakes and wants to nurse all. night. long. Last night between 2-4 am she was awake and nursing. Every time she'd fall asleep I tried to roll over and sleep but she'd wake up again. So exhausting. There comes a point where I just feel so touched out and annoyed. I think she may be having nightmares, she's been talking a bit in her sleep and saying "no" and whimpering. She's been clingy and wanting the door open at night which came out of nowhere.

*Car seat safety alert! Over 2 years old and still happily rear facing!*


She's been really silly and into dancing lately, she'll move her body and shake her booty and giggle. I hope she participates in dance class and doesn't get shy on me.


I got this awesome AquaDuck thing that extends your sink faucet. She loves it, it's so much easier to reach the water and she can even take a sip, lol. We have a stool in the bathroom for her and she goes in there to wash her hands or brush her teeth all on her own. She's gotten really into flossing lately, and reminds me when I forget, which is awesome.


Chillin at Toys R Us while we killed time before picking up Pam at work.


I bought her two preschool work books. I didn't know if she'd be able to follow the directions, but I was totally blown away. All I do is read the top and she can match and draw lines and circle things. Very impressive! I knew kindergarteners who struggled with this stuff!! I also used some of her gift money and got her a little matching game. It has a fun popper with a die in it, and you pop it then match the item to your card, almost like bingo. The first player with all 5 pieces wins. It's been a huge hit! We played about 4 times today.


I know two mommy friends who went back to work this week. Then I read something online that said it was a luxury to be a stay at home mom. It rubbed me the wrong way, and I couldn't quite figure out why. I don't feel like I lead a luxurious life at all. True, being a SAHM I feel grateful, but for me there wasn't another option. I have always been clear on this issue. I didn't want to have a baby if I couldn't raise it. I'd rather live a tough financial mess of a life than be away from Makena every day. And this life isn't even close to what I thought it would be. It's so much harder than I imagined, in so many ways I never considered. Getting a full time job would absolve a lot of those hardships, and surely enrich our lives in other ways, but I'm simply not willing to sacrifice my belief that a child is best raised by their parent. And I'm really unsure why other people find offense to that. People have opposing beliefs all the time, and I can only assume it boils down to guilt.

I asked my fb friends about the luxury thing, and realized privileged is the word I was thinking of-

priv·i·lege n. 1. A special advantage, immunity, permission, right, or benefit granted to or enjoyed by an individual, class, or caste.

Yes, I feel privileged. I feel like I have the right as Makena's mom to be the one to parent her as my full time job. I've worked in 10 years worth of different nanny situations. I couldn't wait to have a child of my own and do what I'd been doing all those years. But I don't necessarily think I'm at a special advantage. I feel like I'm doing the normal thing, the tried and true method of parenting. I feel like EVERYONE should have the same right. It really saddens me that so many women go back to work with heavy hearts, mourning the loss of that time with their children. I think it monumentally sucks that our society doesn't value families enough to allow for better maternity leave. I'm not talking about moms who choose to return to work. While I don't fully understand that choice, it's the moms who feel pressured to return to work or don't have another option that I'm talking about.

This is reminding me of something. We've all heard "Breast is best" in regards to breastfeeding. There is an interesting point made that saying "breast is best" implies that formula is good, but breast is better. And really the truth is that breast is normal. Formula is artificial and NOT normal, and should be reserved as a last ditch effort. Not marketed as if it's totally fine and a good substitute for breast milk. In the feeding scale there are four options-

1. Breastfeeding from mom
2. Drinking mom's pumped milk
3. Drinking donor milk
4. Formula.

I'd even say that breastfeeding from a wet nurse should be #2, or at least #3. It's the breast milk AND act of nursing that gives all the advantages. But in our society, formula has been touted as a miracle in a can. The motive is monetary, like most things. That's good ol' America for you, thinking of money first, and then health.

Back to what I was saying... Is being a stay at home mom a privilege? Am I lucky? Does that mean it's the best option for raising a child, and working moms are just as good? Is that what that implies?

To me, being a stay at home mom doesn't even need a title. It's just the normal, natural thing to do when one has a baby. Not a special advantage. Just normal.