I remember sitting on the couch for hours, holding Makena as she nursed then drifted to sleep. I would get hungry, or have to pee, and for a moment feel annoyed that I was stuck like that, afraid to move because her sleep was more important. And then I'd hear that voice in my head agreeing with me, calming me as I realized that yes, her well-being IS more important than my needs. Next time use the bathroom before I sit down. Grab some snacks to keep near the couch. I am the adult, I understand this world much more than her little months old self.
It was moments like these that formed the foundation of my parenthood journey. It was those times when I listened to my inner voice, the same voice that moms thousands of years ago spoke. I chose to ignore the well meaning modern mom advice- Don't let baby nurse to sleep! Put the baby in their crib to sleep alone! Stop holding that baby so much!
Sure, it was sometimes tempting. I'd get frustrated. Burnt out. Itching for my personal space. How harmful could CIO really be if so many people claim it's such a miracle?
And then I'd hear it again. That voice of my people. My people as in all the mothers before me who followed their instincts before there was any advice available. They did what came naturally. What they needed to do didn't take opinions or research or gadgets meant to make their days easier. They just kept their babies on them and got on with life.
So I followed my instincts, and it was so simple to do things naturally. It was beautiful really. And nobody really talks about that. We hear a lot about how to get our children to do what WE want. (Want is the key word here.) I've found that turning it around to do things that Makena's needs, as opposed to what I want, makes for a richer experience for both of us. This part of the journey is perhaps the most important. What an epiphany!
I knew some day I'd miss the weight of her body snuggled up against my chest, or the way her head fit into the crook of my arm. I know now that some day I won't remember what it feels like to crawl into bed next to her when she wakes up 3 hours after going to sleep. Her warm hands wind themselves along my arm and her head wiggles towards me until her mouth finds my breast. Within a minute her nursing slows until she's asleep again and still. Sometimes she rolls over on her own. Sometimes I have to manually unlatch her. And sometimes I practically have to pry her jaw open.
I always wait a few moments more though. Partly to ensure she's fully asleep before I leave, but mostly because those moments when your child has fallen asleep at your breast are some of the most precious memories a woman can have.
I am eternally grateful that I didn't give up on the mental strength it took to get to this point. This level of consciously parenting takes a huge commitment. Learning to put another's needs ahead of my want's should come easily, but in the world where we live today there are many obstacles. I'm happy to do this for not only my own personal growth, but for investing in Makena's future.
Someday she'll be an adult, and a mother if she chooses. But whatever she ends up being, the gift of listening to one's conscience is immeasurable, and I hope I can instill that in her above all else.
It was moments like these that formed the foundation of my parenthood journey. It was those times when I listened to my inner voice, the same voice that moms thousands of years ago spoke. I chose to ignore the well meaning modern mom advice- Don't let baby nurse to sleep! Put the baby in their crib to sleep alone! Stop holding that baby so much!
Sure, it was sometimes tempting. I'd get frustrated. Burnt out. Itching for my personal space. How harmful could CIO really be if so many people claim it's such a miracle?
And then I'd hear it again. That voice of my people. My people as in all the mothers before me who followed their instincts before there was any advice available. They did what came naturally. What they needed to do didn't take opinions or research or gadgets meant to make their days easier. They just kept their babies on them and got on with life.
So I followed my instincts, and it was so simple to do things naturally. It was beautiful really. And nobody really talks about that. We hear a lot about how to get our children to do what WE want. (Want is the key word here.) I've found that turning it around to do things that Makena's needs, as opposed to what I want, makes for a richer experience for both of us. This part of the journey is perhaps the most important. What an epiphany!
I knew some day I'd miss the weight of her body snuggled up against my chest, or the way her head fit into the crook of my arm. I know now that some day I won't remember what it feels like to crawl into bed next to her when she wakes up 3 hours after going to sleep. Her warm hands wind themselves along my arm and her head wiggles towards me until her mouth finds my breast. Within a minute her nursing slows until she's asleep again and still. Sometimes she rolls over on her own. Sometimes I have to manually unlatch her. And sometimes I practically have to pry her jaw open.
I always wait a few moments more though. Partly to ensure she's fully asleep before I leave, but mostly because those moments when your child has fallen asleep at your breast are some of the most precious memories a woman can have.
I am eternally grateful that I didn't give up on the mental strength it took to get to this point. This level of consciously parenting takes a huge commitment. Learning to put another's needs ahead of my want's should come easily, but in the world where we live today there are many obstacles. I'm happy to do this for not only my own personal growth, but for investing in Makena's future.
Someday she'll be an adult, and a mother if she chooses. But whatever she ends up being, the gift of listening to one's conscience is immeasurable, and I hope I can instill that in her above all else.
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