Baby #2

I wanted another baby within months after Makena was born. I missed being pregnant almost immediately and quickly saw her changing from that precious newborn stage to her own little person. As she grew and learned to sit and eat real food and walk away from me, my desire for another baby grew stronger. Who doesn't love babies?! Then Makena got even older, and I realized (what I thought was) my ideal 3 years apart spacing wouldn't be happening. I was bummed out that she didn't have a sibling. I never wanted to have just an only child, I knew I wanted more than one, but not 3. I didn't want to have a middle child because I'm a middle child and I didn't love it. So either 2 or 4 kids has always been my goal.

And of course the timing (aka, our financial situation) was never right for adding to our family, and I took comfort in reminding myself of how lucky we were to be able to focus 110% on solely Makena. Still, she showed a lot of those issues that crop up in only children. I knew a sibling would be the most important gift for her and I couldn't wait to see the joy through her eyes. I knew she'd be a fantastic big sister.

We discussed Pam taking a turn to carry the next baby. When it was decided that I'd attempt to get pregnant first we assumed Pam would go next. And for a while we kept assuming that, but then she decided that logically it made more sense for me to be the pregnant one again. I had an easy enjoyable pregnancy, I'm the stay at home mom and that would make breastfeeding easier, we knew I was in better health, etc.

I really wanted 2013 to be the year we expanded our family. So after confirming that Pam was okay with passing the torch back to me, we jumped right in and I got pregnant. With a due date of 2 months before Makena's 4th birthday, I'm now thrilled with how the timing worked out.

Makena has been so beyond excited. We told her the baby won't be born until November, and that's after Halloween. She likes to come up with name suggestions (Jake, Bat, or Penis for a boy... and all the various Disney princess names and Rose Rose for a girl) and often talks about the things she can teach the baby to do. For the past year she's mentioned having a baby sister, she'd play pretend and tell me about her little sister, every doll was always a sister and never a brother. So at first she was totally hoping we'd have a girl.

Then I borrowed a big stack of books from the library about welcoming a new baby, and one of the books that Makena especially liked had a little girl who tells the story. When it talked about getting an ultrasound to determine the sex of the baby the little girl said "I hope it's a boy because we already have a girl in our family, me!" and Makena latched onto that phrase and started to say she hoped we were having a boy because we already have a girl. And then she wouldn't let it go, and we'd remind her that we didn't know yet what the baby was, and that it might be a girl or a boy. She insisted that it's okay to have a little sister, but that she wants a brother first. And of course Pam and I both have younger brothers so that was another reason to make her say she wanted a brother.

When I was pregnant with Makena I so badly wanted a girl. It should go without saying that obviously I wanted a healthy baby more than anything, but my preference was definitely for a daughter. I felt like I'd be the type of person who'd want to keep having babies until I got a girl. I'm not anti-boys, at all, but I thought I'd feel like our family wouldn't be complete until we had a daughter.

Then when imagining a second baby I pictured another girl. A sister for Makena. It would be a huge sigh of relief that we would get to re-use all her baby clothes that we've saved! I thought of all the positives of having another girl. And if it was a boy, we'd just figure it out.

And then Makena so strongly wanted a boy so we started to imagine baby #2 being a boy. And not only was I at peace with that, but even a bit excited. The chance to raise a loving gentle sensitive boy! An excuse to buy new clothes! Makena would be so excited! I had a few dreams that the baby was a boy, but I also had some girl dreams. I really didn't feel anything either way, and I started to not have a preference. Part of me was leaning towards boy, just for Makena's sake. But then again, little brothers can be such a pain, and I speak from experience! ;) And part of me was leaning towards girl, just for Makena's sake. But then again, I was a little sister and know what a pain they can be! ;)

So I'm 19 weeks pregnant today and we walked into the doctor's office for my anatomy scan. This was it, the big moment where we'd get some confirmation that that baby was healthy and hopefully get a peek at what sex it was. We took Makena along and she was looking forward to finding out. She knew we'd be able to see if there was a penis or vulva, and mentioned a few times in the last few days that she hoped it was growing a penis. We asked the doctor to let us try to determine the sex on our own, and as we were looking at the screen, just like that summer 4 years ago, I didn't see a penis. Instead I saw that telltale three lines of a hamburger shape that means girl!

The doctor confirmed and then printed out a bunch of photos for us to take home.  This was the closest to a good profile shot that he could get, baby was moving around like crazy and shifting in and out of the frame the whole time. I love how squished it is in there, and how it always looks like they don't have legs. The head is on the left, facing up to the top of the photo. Chin is tucked into chest.

This photo is even less clear, but head is still to the left. On the very left are two fists held up to the face. That little tiny white lined oval is an eye. The black spot in the middle towards the right is the heart. 

Once we knew it was a girl I turned to Makena (who had been busy with Pam's phone taking photos and video) and asked her "Did you hear what he said, it's a girl!" and she did a happy shocked/excited face.  A bit later she told Pam that she wanted a brother, but thankfully she didn't burst into tears over it! I was so happy that her initial reaction was joy that I got a little teary eyed. :)

Here's a photo that she took of me getting the ultrasound. She snapped about 12 of the exact same thing- 

My belly looks so poked up! 

Then we left and we asked if she wanted to call her Grandmo to tell her the news. She said into the phone, "I wanted a boy but I got a girl." and repeated it but my mom wasn't understanding. (I should have explained first that we just found out and that Makena was going to tell her!) Then I reminded Makena to say she was going to have a sister, so she said that and was beaming proudly as my mom congratulated her. 

We went to Carter's, the same store we went to after finding out Makena was going to be a girl, and bought a onesie for the baby. Makena of course wanted to buy a million tiny adorable outfits. I can't wait to get the big totes of of storage to see what we saved! Now I wish we hadn't sold a single thing, but I do know we kept a lot. 

I posted this photo on facebook and said that Makena bought something for her sibling, and the rest will all be hand-me-downs! 

There was a moment of disappointment almost, when I realized we weren't having a boy. I think I psyched myself up for it too much, and started to picture how special it would be to have a girl and a boy. And then a bigger realization set in, and now I know I'm having another girl. And I already have the perfect best ever daughter, so what is a second one going to be like?? I'm sure so many parents feel things like this. We love Makena so intensely that the thought of dividing that love by even a fraction seems horrifyingly impossible. Everyone says your heart grows more, I look forward to that, and I'm sure it's true! But right now it's hard to believe.

I can't stop hearing the line in that book over and over again. "We already have a girl in our family, me!" and thinking that we do already have a girl, so how could we possibly clone her awesomeness? How will we get so lucky again? What are we taking away from Makena with this gift of a sibling? And what will she receive?

We'll just have to wait and find out.

And now, the search for a name can really get started. Pam and I have been tossing names around but it's hard to think of something that is mostly unique and has a great meaning like Makena. On the drive home Makena suggested Izzy, which is funny because Jake was her front runner of boys names and both Jake and Izzy are characters from the cartoon Jake And The Neverland Pirates. Pam asked if she wanted to have a baby pirate and Makena said, "No Mama! I just want a baby with a pirate NAME!" Lol.

We didn't decide on Makena's name until a few hours after she was born. I don't know what we'll do this time. I'd love Makena to have some input, but I don't know if her name tastes are in line with my criteria. Maybe I'll do a name post another day, I'm off to bed now to snuggle up to my tiny baby who is really growing up too fast. I'm already mourning the loss of my special only little one, I know that sounds ridiculous but it's like our days are numbered and soon our lives and relationship are going to change so drastically!!

I keep reminding myself that it's all so worth it, and for the best. I can't wait to see Makena as a big sister, I can't wait to nurse a new baby again, and I can't wait to become a family of 4! A family of FOUR GIRLS! :)

4 has always been my favorite number!