Almost 3 years old.

It's so unbelievably crazy to think that:

1. We have an almost three year old daughter.
2. We have a daughter.
3. We don't have another baby yet.

When Pam and I were first talking about having kids someday (this was back in New York around like 2004 probably) I said I wanted either 2 or 4 kids. I knew I didn't want a single or middle child. I enjoyed having siblings and didn't enjoy being the middle child. Actually that's not true. I was fine, it was only as an adult looking back that I realized I didn't want to have a middle child. I also knew I wanted them to be somewhat close in age, maybe 2.5 or 3 years apart.

And now here we are, with an almost 3 year old and no second baby in sight. I know I should count my amazingly wonderful blessing for what it is, a true dream come true child!! And it's the absolute joy of her that appeases my nagging desire for baby #2. Here's this completely awesome kid, and who knows what adding another child will do to the incredible bond we have? What if we don't get as lucky the next time? What if we get a kid who naps and sleeps as easy as pie but is a total handful and we regret upsetting the beautiful balance we have now? One kid with 2 highly devoted moms isn't a bad thing at all!! With our limited income and maximized time spent with our one child, maybe adding another mouth to feed and splitting our attention between two children isn't the wisest decision.

But yet, I really feel that a sibling would be such a gift for Makena. And especially because we'd love for Pam to get pregnant this time, a special gift for she and I as well. Oh if only it were simple...
So. We had this baby and she was adorable. Then she turned into a cute sweet toddler and I didn't think it was possible to love her any fiercer. And now she's grown into this really spectacular kid. She's thoughtful and smart and funny and loving and compassionate.

She comes up with the best solutions to problems- "I know! How about we go to the park AND THEN do a craft later!"

She outwits me all the time and I love her for it, because of the lessons it teaches me- "But Mommy, remember you said I could have a snack before I put on my shoes? So it isn't time to put on my shoes yet. Can you get me a little snack now?"

She means so much more to me than I could ever express. She is just to fantastic to put into words!

She really really truly is everything I ever wished for, and then some! My heart grows just thinking about her.
And my heart is also wistful for the baby she was. The little one I snuggled with on the couch for HOURS every day. We just sat there, getting to know each other. We spent quiet moments resting or nursing. We spent lots of time taking photos so I wouldn't forget the size of her cute little ears or fingers. She had the best few long strands of hair on the very top of her head, and I remember thinking that some day her hair would be so long I wouldn't be able to find those hairs. We didn't know we had a beautifully curly haired kid in the making!

Three. Three is so hard. Not a baby or toddler, and not technically a preschooler yet. What a transition. She's going to continue to grow so much over this next year. I have no idea what's in store!