Photo Catch Up!

Makena didn't nap today. That's not unusual, typically when we're out and about she won't nap, and that just means she falls asleep without a problem at 7pm. It's lovely! The hour from 6-7 is usually pretty rough though, she has meltdowns from pure exhaustion and fights us on getting in the bath and then getting out of the bath. Screams when it's time for brushing her teeth, then screams if we forget to brush her tongue or floss. Runs around the bedroom crying about not wanting to put on her diaper and pajamas, then suddenly needs us to help put them on.

It's not the most fun part of the day, but the only fix is to turn off the light and close the door. Well, actually she demands she needs to do that stuff, practically shoving Pam out of the room while giving her a goodnight hug and kiss then runs to the bed and nurses to sleep. It tends to take about 5 minutes until she's asleep. If she does take a nap, I get a little one hour break in the middle of the day and Makena is much more pleasant in the evening. We can go out to run errands or enjoy a meal out and she has time to play with Pam without rushing to eat dinner and start the bedtime routine. But then she typically fights her sleep. Especially if she took a nap longer than an hour or slept past 2 pm. If she wakes up just ten minutes past 2 o'clock, she'll be up until 10pm. Her sleep habits continue to be my main source of frustration!

We have been talking about changing things up a bit. Well, changing things up a lot. We wanted to wait until we were settled in our new home. It's been almost 6 weeks now, and I think we're about as ready as we ever will be. Night weaning is on the horizon... and that's a post for another day.

So now it's time for a photo catch up!

Makena finished her dance/tumbling together class, and she drew this picture for Andrea. I especially like that she put herself in the middle next to Andrea with Pam and I off to the side. And I like the 2 blue mats. Andrea gave her a copy of the songs from the class and Makena just loves that CD!

 Here she is doing one of her favorite songs. "Reach to the sky like you're climbing a rope!"

She's really into hiding and pretending that she's asleep. The sleeping thing is fine by me, it gives me a few minutes to zone out and play on my phone. The hiding thing drives me bonkers. She'll be in the bathroom on the potty and call out that she's all done, and when I go in there she's covering her face with her hands. If I go get the mail and come back inside she's hiding. When anyone comes over she makes a frantic run to hide when she hears a knock at the door. Even when she's nursing on the couch and Pam comes home from work Makena will turn her face into me and hide... while still nursing. It's pretty amazing how long she'll hide, eventually she starts to do a fake laugh to entice us to find her. The game was cute at first but it's been going on for a bit too long. The other day I called her inside and she didn't answer. I looked into our little back yard and didn't see her, and then realized she was hiding. So I tried explaining when it's okay to hide and play, and when I need her to respond so I know she's alright. Here's a photo of her pretending to be asleep when we were about to have a picnic.

We went to the Silicon Valley Duck Race a couple weekends ago. I wish they had this big walking duck character last time, it would've made for a fun photo comparison. We went 2 years ago, when Makena was just 5 months old. It was more fun this time, we walked around the game booths and Makena won some prizes.

She asked to go in the bouncy house, so I paid for her and then she wouldn't bounce. She can be slow to warm up to things, and she wanted one of us to go in with her but there were other little kids in there. Eventually she had fun but she only lasted a few minutes. I really want another baby. I think Makena would do great with a sibling, and she'd be the sweetest big sister! Most of the games were too hard but when she did the mini golf game she got a hole in one!! They all cheered and said that was the first hole in one the whole day, lol.

Then she saw the sparkly temporary tattoos and at first she picked out a chihuahua dog but thankfully decided on a mermaid. The lady asked if she wanted Ariel, and Makena said yes. She sat still the whole time and was beaming when she saw how cute it looked in the sun!

We watched the rubber duckies float down the creek then had a picnic and played at the park. There was a huge family reunion group next to us and the most annoying little boy who kept walking onto our blanket and grabbing our food and stuff. And I don't think he spoke or understood English. I have a high patience level with kids, but this kid rubbed me the wrong way and I was pissed off that none of the adults were watching him. He was so insistent, like a fly that won't stop buzzing around your face. I'm sure that sounds so harsh, and he was little, about Makena's age. And honestly my issue was with the adults. But he was freaking Makena out and driving us crazy. Finally he ran off and the next thing we knew a group of tween girls decided to have a water balloon fight right next to us, and one hit Makena and exploded water all over her and our blanket, and she was terrified and burst into tears. I shouted at them (again, my anger was misplaced- I really wanted to shout at the completely irresponsible adults) and they didn't apologize but moved away, and then and only then did one of the adults yell over to us to say they were sorry. Ugh! We were so frustrated and left. I can't stand when people aren't respectful and are oblivious to common courtesy things. Language barriers aside, you should be aware of where your children are and if they are trying to steal food from strangers. Anyway, rant over.

We stopped to walk in the creek on our way to the car. A few teenage boys showed up with fishing poles and one said to the others that they couldn't fish there because there were kids in the water. The other boys tried to argue with him and I'm glad he convinced them that throwing sharp hooks into the extremely shallow water where people were walking barefoot was a bad idea. My mama bear power was in full force that day and I probably would've turned into the Incredible Hulk if they cast the line into the water by us.

This is Makena's favorite hiding spot at home. And all the books she wanted to read before her nap. We narrowed it down to 2 and read most of the rest later. (See that painting on the wall? She painted everything that's out in the back yard. My hanging plant, the garden boxes, her yellow and orange water table, her red slide with red steps, the little blue table...it's actually a pretty accurate picture!)

And here's what it looks like behind the recliner. We put pillows and blankets in there and she plays with her dolls and reads books.

 I really think we have like, the cutest kid ever. I mean seriously.

Makena and her moms, walking across the street to buy a new garden hose. When she reaches up to hold my hand it's one of the best feelings in the world.

Showing off her plants. She loves watering them and watching everything grow. I'm so happy we have an outdoor area for her to play.

We woke up one morning and started to play with the new wooden blocks Pam brought home. Makena was separating them into different color piles, so I decided we'd make a rainbow and find as many colorful things around the house as we could. It took us a little more than an hour, and we had so much fun! She decided the plain wooden block should go in the purple spot since we didn't have too many purple things. And since the stuffed duck is yellow and orange she laid it across both colors. Then we dressed her up in rainbow stuff for the photo. :)

Putting on a puppet show for me at the library. We checked out a bunch of bedtime books and then she found this Octonauts book. We stopped at the park on our way home. I'll say again how much I love having a library within walking distance!! There was a little branch library near our old apartment but the hours were short and we only went twice.

She wanted to blow bubbles for Donte but he wasn't interested. So she walked around holding his tail like a leash. I know in this photo it looks like she's pulling his tail but he was fine, he's such a good cat. And she was just following him where he went. The second he had enough he meowed and she let go. Then she wanted me to blow bubbles on her tummy like they do in her gym class.

 In addition to living close to the library and having an outdoor area for Makena to play, we are loving the pool! We had a few hot days and it's great to go swimming around 3-4pm when it's mostly shaded. The pool is heated, so it always feels great. Then again, I'm sure when we have a heat wave it won't feel too refreshing. Makena asks to go swimming a lot, and I wonder if the novelty of it will wear off. Probably not, what kid doesn't love being in the pool?!

Last but not least we had somewhat planned a trip up to Seattle next month to visit some of Pam's family, but we can't really afford it, and a 2 day road trip doesn't sound fun at all. So we've decided to have a staycation instead! We'll spend the week Pam has off work doing the local stuff we've been wanting to do. I'm really looking forward to it. :) I'm also looking forward to next week, the boys have been away on vacation and we've missed them!

Some Funny Things Makena Says

I've had this list on my phone for a while.

Ah-ta! (Ta-da)
Bobos (buggers)
O-tay! (Okay)
Sure (four)
Short (fork)
Eye too (ice cube)
Bay bay (band aid)
Shone (phone)
Uh-sigh! (other side, while nursing)
Butt hole! (yeah, she means butt hole...)
I yike dis song! (I like this song)
Rockship! (rocket ship... said when she sees an airplane with a white smoke trail.)
Few few (hula hoop)
Shit! (Sit AND shirt, lol)

Also, every airplane is going to New Yok. While playing in sandbox she was making some food and needed to add some soy sah. And the other day she ran over to me and gave me a hug and I said, "I love you Makena!" and she replied, "I love you milk!"

Not sure if she meant I love *your* milk, or if she basically just thinks I'm milk. She nurses often enough, so I can understand the confusion. :)

Musings on parenting

I've been thinking a lot about attachment parenting, and our parenting style. Pam and I come from different backgrounds, but before we ever had a child we always talked about how we'd parent. There were examples of different parenting moments everywhere we went. We'd chat about a situation we noticed while driving home. We felt confident we were on the same page about the big issues, and even the little issues! I didn't really know the term attachment parenting, and I didn't set out to follow it, but it's what came naturally. It's the natural way of parenting and shouldn't even need a term. It was so helpful for me to see that the things we did in those early months were normal and natural, even if co-sleeping and nursing your baby to sleep and rocking them endlessly so they don't cry isn't the normal way of our society. In some cases not only is society wrong, but it gives horrible advice and makes things worse.

It's hard to go against the grain sometimes. When something isn't mainstream some people resist it. I never really thought about that too much though before Makena was born. I knew I wanted to have a natural birth and breastfeed and cloth diaper. I wanted to make her own baby food and skip the rice cereal. It takes very little research to see the benefits of those things.

Of course, once you actually have a child nothing is as it seems. Things I felt strongly about (No pacifiers! No tv!) quickly went out the window when I realized that wasn't going to work for our situation. I never wanted to be a permissive parent, someone who let my kids walk over me and rule the house. I didn't want to resort to bribes. I didn't want to go back on my word and let my kids learn to manipulate me. I didn't want them to scream bloody murder just so I'd hand over a candy bar in the grocery store. Pam and I agreed we'd leave the restaurant (or whatever the public place was) before Makena made a scene and disturbed the peace, and I'm happy to say we've never had to really do that. Sure there have been times where Makena has gotten antsy at a restaurant and Pam will usually walk around with her outside for a bit until she's ready to sit.

I'm not sure if we're just blessed with an "easy" kid, or if we're just good parents in the way that we anticipate and react to her needs. We value her emotions, the good and the "bad." I have a baggie of fun little stuff that I keep in the diaper bag for when we're out, and I whip it out the second I notice Makena needing something to keep her busy. We interact with her the vast majority of the time, talking/coloring/playing along with her. We take into account her tiredness level, how hungry she is, what time it is, etc... to ensure we will all be in a good mood. There were a few months when she was about 12-16 months old, when she was tougher than usual to keep happy. Luckily that phase passed, and now she's a total joy to be around! Of course she has off days, so do I! But we get many comments on how pleasant and sweet she is, and it makes my heart swell. "I know, right?!" is what I want to exclaim, and, "It's because we're awesome parents and really in tune with her needs, and our family feeds off each others happiness!" But that's way too cheesy so we just smile and mumble, "Thanks, we think she's awesome too."
 
In all my years of working with kids I learned a lot of great tips and a lot of "what not to do." But then I had my own kid, and the lines got blurred. Once I popped that pacifier in Makena's mouth (at only 2 days old nonetheless!!!!) I thought perhaps I'd been wrong to make all those assumptions about what good parenting was. And then I think about the whole "if it works for your family, it's the right choice" thing. And I'm not sure I fully believe in that. One could argue that feeding highly processed crap food works for them, but really, does it?? Or is the kid getting the short end of the stick? What about spanking? I'm pretty sure it's the parents saying it works for them, and not the kids. So how do we differentiate between things that are really valid choices (things where either option is mostly equal and neither is detrimental) and "choices" that are based on something else entirely? Convenience, cost, going along with what others are doing, or just being uninformed are things I'm talking about. Someone picks the sunscreen that's the cheapest and slathers it on their baby. Someone is fooled into thinking the pancake syrup label that says "high fructose corn syrup free!" means it's healthy... and doesn't stop to read that the ingredients list corn syrup and sugar at the top.

And then people get offended, which is BEYOND my comprehension. I try to own up to my mistakes and shortcomings in all areas of my life. I'm far from perfect, but I'm aware. I know that sometimes Makena eats things that aren't healthy.

If someone were to call me out on that (adorable!) photo of her enjoying an ice cream cone from Baskin Robbins, the last thing I'd be is offended. Because I know, believe me. I know that it has corn syrup and artificial colors and a host of other crap ingredients in the ice cream, let alone in the chocolate coated cone. So why do I let her eat it? It's fun, that's why. It's a special sometimes treat, and she knows that. And because I enjoy it, I'm not gonna lie! If there was an all natural ice cream shop we'd happily go there, but we just so happen to have a Baskin Robbins across the street. Then again, if a McDonald's was across the street we certainly wouldn't be stopping in there, but I digress.

All I'm trying to say is that yeah, for some extent you should do what works for your family. But do it with mindfulness. Do it so that not only do you feel comfortable, but that your kid and the future adult they'll be feels comfortable with your decision. I know we can't guarantee that, but it's just an awareness thing.

Anyway. I started this entry with this story in mind, and went off on a few tangents. It takes me a few days to compose something because life is busy with an almost 2.5 year old and by the time I post it I've lost my train of thought a million times.
 
Makena is a clever kid. She's smart in ways that sneak up on me. Sometimes I don't even see the wheels turning in her head before it's too late. The other day we were leaving the grocery store and as we passed the row of quarter toy machines she asked for one. I told her I didn't have any quarters (truthfully!), and then I remembered that I needed to get quarters to do laundry. We turned around and I got $10 worth. Then we left the store again, and as we passed the toy machines Makena asked for a quarter.
 
I answered her the same way I had 3 minutes ago. "Sorry sweetie, I don't have any quarters." I realized the fib as it came out of my mouth. In that split second I wasn't sure whether to go along with it or admit that I DID have quarters but those toys are a waste of money and we needed to just go home.
But she solved the problem herself- "Yes do have, mommy. Do have quarters!"

See, she's smart. She deserved that toy. And let's face it, I love being able to make her happy, especially if it's a simple thing like that. Thankfully she's not the type who then demands it over and over. I'm happy that we've seem to have struck a great balance. Sometimes she gets demanding for the silliest reasons, but she's either exhausted and it's time for bed, or she's hungry. The 6pm hour, especially if she didn't nap, can be grueling.

Mostly though, she's all around amazingly awesome and we thank our lucky stars all day long!

New home/photo catch up

Well, we're in our new home! The move went pretty smoothly, considering that the weeks leading up to it were hectic. Makena and I walked to the Farmer's Market and played at our park one last time. She's very much into climbing these days!

My parents moved in to their new home, and Makena and I spent some time there on a Sunday while Pam did some packing. My sister and the kids came over too, and everyone picked snap peas and ate ice cream cones then we went to Blackberry Farm and for a geocaching hunt.

During our last days at our old apartment I tried to pack and organize as much as possible but it was nearly impossible. Makena was going through a very whiny clingy stage, and I struggled to get anything done. She is in a hiding phase lately, she's constantly hiding will stay still and hidden for quite some time. Little nooks and crannies as we packed boxes and moved furniture became prime hiding spots. Normally she plays really well on her own, but not then. She wanted to hide and be found, over and over again. Yesterday she "hid" in her car seat during the ride home from lunch, so when we unbuckled her we said, "Hmm, where's Makena? Have you seen her?" And she thought that was just so hilarious. I'm getting burned out of this game though. Sometimes we turn around and can't see her, and then realize she's hiding after we've panicked and called out her name. So we're trying to work on that.

We got the keys to our new place and started bringing stuff over. The new carpet and paint and drapes and linoleum all look great. We're working on the back patio/yard area now. I can't wait until it's ready and we can put Makena's new slide and sandbox out there. I got her a water table today and she loves it so much. It's really cute. Yesterday we bought some plants and herbs to grow. We don't get much sun out there, so we can't really have a real garden, but we can have some nice greenery!

When the moving truck arrived we started loading it and soon it was time to drive to the new apartment and unload. The next morning we got there at 8am to start our day of cleaning. We used a Groupon for a cleaning service and they were there for 2 hours and were a huge help. Still, we stayed until 5pm. I hope we get as much as possible back from our deposit!! We scrubbed like crazy. That was also Mother's Day. So basically our day sucked. The best part was going to Chili's for lunch. It was a well needed break, but then we had to go finish up. Next year we want to do something special since this Mother's Day was a flop. Makena was really cute with these flowers though, and that brightened our day. Pam got them from her preschool job, and we let her play with them as we took out the garbage.

On her first day playing outside in our new outdoor space Makena discovered these fun window markers. She drew a rainbow all on her own. I like that we put the computer desk right next to the sliding doors so I can keep an eye on her while she plays outside. Sometimes I imagine how nice it would (will, I hope) be to have a sibling for her to play with. I loved playing with my little brother. I think there is less boredom when you have a sibling, but there are also more squabbles. And right now Makena is so awesome that I wouldn't want to change that by adding a baby. I still love HER being our baby. Still, if it was easier and cheaper for us to get pregnant I'd already want another. But then again sometimes I'm glad she's an only child... I just hope it's only for now. :)

We have a new park that's in even closer walking distance. I came here when I was a kid, it's right by the public pool we used to swim in. Pam brought the boys she watches twice a week to come play, and Makena and I joined them at the park.

We live by a Baskin Robbins, which is equal parts terrific and terrible. We also have a Pizza My Heart, Jamba Juice, Starbucks, bagel place, and Chipotle nearby. I wish it was a Noah's Bagels, but I'm very happy with the other eatery selections! On a walk back from dinner the other night (ee ate out a lot of meals our first week here, due to not having the kitchen unpacked, but our finances do not allow for that so often, unfortunately) Makena stopped to pick a flower for Pam. Her birthday is tomorrow so we'd been talking about what to get her as a present, and she wanted to pick a flower. There were yellow flowers all over and she picked a half dead weed. Then she found a wish and blew it, and put the used empty wish and the weeds in a vase for Mama. Such a thoughtful gift! ;)

For Christmas Makena was given a Stone Soup book and gardening kit, and we were so excited to finally have a place to plant all the seeds. Yesterday we went to Nash's birthday party then came home and planted a few things. Makena has a cute new watering can and she loves helping Pam outside.

 And that brings us to today. We went to dance class where Makena participated wonderfully. I kept spotting her watching herself out in the mirror. She loves to shake her booty, it's so funny. In the car a song will come on the radio and she'll start nodding her head and close her eyes and say, "I yike dis song mommy!" She's so beyond my dream come true.

Up, up, and away!

Ending the chapter in this apartment

I'm nostalgic. I really love memories. As much as I love new adventures, I have a hard time closing chapters in my life.

Tonight is our last night in this apartment. We moved here in October of 2009. I was pregnant, in my last trimester, and so very excited to get started on the nursery.

I love this apartment. I was so excited when I saw the ad on craigslist. I remember walking in the door and knowing I wanted it, then worrying that we wouldn't be approved. I was so happy when it was ours, and I went to work turning it into a home. Pam and I decorated the nursery. We put together the crib. Applied the wall paper border. Painted the fan blades to match the theme of the bedding set. Hung the curtain, mirror, and all those adorable little baby dresses. I cleaned the hand me down glider chair. I sat and rocked my big belly and tried to imagine rocking my baby to sleep. Laying her down in the crib. Peeking in the door to glance at her. I imagined her learning her animals and colors in that room.

I never imagined that we'd live here forever. I moved around a lot growing up, so did Pam. By the time I was 22 I had lived in like 20 different places. I've never imagined owning a house. (Not in this area at least!) But I thought we'd stay here for a few years. We like the neighborhood. (Mostly... There are some ghetto-ish areas in one direction, but we mostly only go the other way.) We love the nearby park, and the playground where Makena first played in the sand. Where she first went down a slide,  honed her climbing skills, and swung in the swings. I loved the Saturday farmers market tradition that Makena and I started when Pam was busy with soccer classes. We took lots and lots of walks. We saw the ducks in the fountains at the civic center. The same civic center where I walked and walked to try and induce my labor.

Sentimental much??

I've really loved living here. But our rent got more and more expensive. Then they raised the price of the coin washers and dryers. Then they started making us pay for water/trash. We knew we had to find a cheaper apartment. The one bedrooms in our complex were renting for more than what we were paying for our 2 bedroom. And we didn't even use that second bedroom. It was pretty much our storage space. Makena never slept in that adorable nursery by herself. Except for several weeks where we all slept on a mattress on the floor of that room, that room was largely unused.

I'd browse apartment listings occasionally, but it was frustrating. We couldn't afford more than $1200 a month, and anything nice in this area was going for upwards of $1500. And even then they didn't have any outdoor access other than a balcony or tiny patio. They didn't have dishwashers, something I've become accustomed to and thoroughly enjoyed. And I couldn't find anything with a private washer/dryer. There ate lots of sketchy cheaper areas around, but we wanted to stay in a safe neighborhood. And we wanted to be closer to our jobs, but unfortunately the rents only got more expensive as we looked in those neighborhoods.

But, what's done is done and we're moving tomorrow. It's not my dream apartment. It's not even close. The kitchen is tiny and old. It's one bedroom and smaller, but it is a tad cheaper. It took a lot of convincing for me to feel like it was a good choice. I'm still not 100% sold, but I am excited. The new carpet, paint, and lineoleum look great. It's only 5 miles to Pam's job, 3 to mine. It's in a pretty good neighborhood, though there's a bar up the street that worries me. It's across the street from a park, and a short walk to a playground and the library and all the goodies that downtown has to offer. And it has a great outdoor space for Makena. I've already bought her a little table and a slide and sandbox. So, yes. I'm excited. It's always exciting to start a new chapter.

I'm sad to say goodbye to this place, this apartment where we came home when Makena was born. Her first home. She learned to walk on these floors. I'm feeling super nostalgic. As we took down the wall paper border it all cake back to me- all those moments that I imagined would happen in that room. Most of them never happened, but so many other wonderful things did happen, things I never thought to imagine.

And I suppose that's what life does. It makes new memories all the time, regardless of what you imagine they'll be like.

Easter, dancing, and being a professional full time mom.

Every time I want to write about something I get distracted by photos. I check the last blog update then open the folder of pictures and try to pick a couple to jog my memory so I can write a post. Then I scroll through a hundred photos of the cutest kid I've ever known and struggle to narrow it down. And then I completely forget what I wanted to post about, other than the fact that Makena is amazing.

She absolutely adores visiting Pam at work. She plays in the preschool room and cries when we have to leave. She also adores that purple sparkle skirt and often picks it out to wear. I love watching her choose her clothes, she looks at everything and really decides, she doesn't just grab whatever. Clearly she didn't get that sense of style from me.

At Panera for lunch one day we got to pick a free cookie, and she wanted the Easter egg one. Then she picked off each M&M and ate them. She didn't even want the cookie. I ate it and it was delicious. That was probably the most candy I had ever let her eat in one sitting. She usually has a little bit of sweets, definitely more than I ever imagined/wanted my 2 year old to have, but she really prefers healthy whole raw foods. (foreshadowing...) I feel like she eats pretty darn healthy the majority of the time, and I don't mind sharing a small indulgent treat with her occasionally.

Lately any stickers she comes across go immediately on her body. Temporary tattoos used to be her thing, but I think stickers are cooler now. Or maybe she just got bored of only getting the tattoos on her hands. Today she wanted Mickey Mouse tattoos then immediately wanted to wash them off.

A couple weekends ago we went to Baby Loves Disco at the mall, and I was so excited for the toddler dance party. But it was at a mall, not a night club. And it was a tiny space and Makena hadn't napped, so we left early. She had been so psyched about it though, and loved dancing up until she got whiny and wanted to be held the whole time. Freeze dance was a big hit! We've signed her up for a dance class that starts on Monday, and Andrea is the teacher which will be so fun!

We painted toilet paper rolls one day. She's obsessed with painting. It drives me a little crazy that she always goes for the black first then dips it into each color. And she has a tendency to knock over the water cup a lot which makes for lots of clean up. I'm looking forward to getting her an easel for outside when we move to our new apartment. (More on THAT later.)

Makena picked up a cold and had a slight fever and wasn't sleeping well and was throwing up and a huge mess. She was miserable. She fell asleep while nursing on my lap as we sat on the couch. I was on the phone and shocked that she fell asleep while I was talking. I was even more shocked when I got up and she stayed asleep. Poor baby. I continually thank my lucky stars for our health. A few days of snot and puke and poop and crying is hard to handle. I can't imagine how hard it is for families with chronically ill children.  :(

She picked out this outfit when we finally left the house after staying in for 4 days while she got over her bug.

While Makena was dealing with her sickness, we were dealing with a bug problem in our kitchen. It was awful, we had to throw away pretty much every single thing in our cabinets that was in a cardboard package. Everything had these microscopic tiny bugs in the boxes, and I totally freaked out. It was a tough week. So much wasted food. We spent a pretty penny on new storage containers for our grains. Then since we didn't have food at home and we were right near The Counter we went to dinner. Man I love that place. It cheered me up after the week of puke and bugs. Makena loves that there is a tiny playground next to it, and this fun stage to run around on.

We dyed eggs for Easter, and planned to turn them into deviled eggs... but I way over cooked them and we had to throw them out. April has not been a good month for our budget. We wanted to go to a local Easter egg hunt and festival, but decided to lay low and ensure Makena felt better for Easter.

Easter eve we talked about the bunny and left out a bowl of carrots. Makena wanted to put the bowl outside, so I explained again that he was coming to hide her basket, and then she put the bowl next to the front door. Lol. She woke up and we went to check the carrots. They were gone! Amazing. Then she found the eggs we hid around the living room, and then we had her look for her basket. It was inside her kitchen play set fridge, and she was thrilled when she wound it. She kept laughing, it was so adorable.

We played with her new things, ate bagels for breakfast, then got dressed and went to Ian and Colin's for an Easter egg hunt! Makena was so cute and found so many eggs! There were lots of kids but she made her way to an area where she was alone.

She did a lot of running around from all the excitement and I couldn't get a good photo so I'm thankful this one was emailed to me! I get overwhelmed by her cuteness more often than is probably normal.

We opened her eggs and she found a chocolate piece.

Thus began the day of sweets... we left and met my mom at the cottage, (she and my dad are moving in to it soon) where she had an egg hunt waiting for us. Pam and I each got candy and a movie ticket. :) Makena got more sweets, and sunflower seeds. Then we went to my parents apartment and had dinner. We had tossed around the idea of moving in to their apartment when they moved out, but didn't seriously consider it really. Well, we talked about it, weighed pros and cons, and decided to go for it. The best part will be the outdoor access for Makena. I already have plans to turn it into a fun little yard for her. And it's closer to both our jobs, and within walking distance to lots of stuff including the library. It's also marginally cheaper. It's smaller though, only 1 bedroom. The kitchen is tiny and old and there isn't a dishwasher. I absolutely love our current kitchen, with it's marble counters and brand new remodel that we were the first tenants to enjoy. But I'm trying to focus on the positives. I think we'll be plenty happy after the move and adjustment period! I loathe packing and moving, so I'm dreading it completely.

Anyways, back to the candy. Makena enjoyed candy, a cupcake, some ice cream, cookies... and then more candy. The next day I found her sneaking candies (I didn't realize the bag had a hole that she got in to!) and she flipped her lid when I cut her off. For a couple days she's been doing this at the drop of a hat-

I don't know if it's candy related or lack of sleep or both. She hasn't been sleeping well at all, I feel like a zombie. She wakes and wants to nurse all. night. long. Last night between 2-4 am she was awake and nursing. Every time she'd fall asleep I tried to roll over and sleep but she'd wake up again. So exhausting. There comes a point where I just feel so touched out and annoyed. I think she may be having nightmares, she's been talking a bit in her sleep and saying "no" and whimpering. She's been clingy and wanting the door open at night which came out of nowhere.

*Car seat safety alert! Over 2 years old and still happily rear facing!*

She's been really silly and into dancing lately, she'll move her body and shake her booty and giggle. I hope she participates in dance class and doesn't get shy on me.

I got this awesome AquaDuck thing that extends your sink faucet. She loves it, it's so much easier to reach the water and she can even take a sip, lol. We have a stool in the bathroom for her and she goes in there to wash her hands or brush her teeth all on her own. She's gotten really into flossing lately, and reminds me when I forget, which is awesome.

Chillin at Toys R Us while we killed time before picking up Pam at work.

I bought her two preschool work books. I didn't know if she'd be able to follow the directions, but I was totally blown away. All I do is read the top and she can match and draw lines and circle things. Very impressive! I knew kindergarteners who struggled with this stuff!! I also used some of her gift money and got her a little matching game. It has a fun popper with a die in it, and you pop it then match the item to your card, almost like bingo. The first player with all 5 pieces wins. It's been a huge hit! We played about 4 times today.

I know two mommy friends who went back to work this week. Then I read something online that said it was a luxury to be a stay at home mom. It rubbed me the wrong way, and I couldn't quite figure out why. I don't feel like I lead a luxurious life at all. True, being a SAHM I feel grateful, but for me there wasn't another option. I have always been clear on this issue. I didn't want to have a baby if I couldn't raise it. I'd rather live a tough financial mess of a life than be away from Makena every day. And this life isn't even close to what I thought it would be. It's so much harder than I imagined, in so many ways I never considered. Getting a full time job would absolve a lot of those hardships, and surely enrich our lives in other ways, but I'm simply not willing to sacrifice my belief that a child is best raised by their parent. And I'm really unsure why other people find offense to that. People have opposing beliefs all the time, and I can only assume it boils down to guilt.

I asked my fb friends about the luxury thing, and realized privileged is the word I was thinking of-

priv·i·lege n. 1. A special advantage, immunity, permission, right, or benefit granted to or enjoyed by an individual, class, or caste.

Yes, I feel privileged. I feel like I have the right as Makena's mom to be the one to parent her as my full time job. I've worked in 10 years worth of different nanny situations. I couldn't wait to have a child of my own and do what I'd been doing all those years. But I don't necessarily think I'm at a special advantage. I feel like I'm doing the normal thing, the tried and true method of parenting. I feel like EVERYONE should have the same right. It really saddens me that so many women go back to work with heavy hearts, mourning the loss of that time with their children. I think it monumentally sucks that our society doesn't value families enough to allow for better maternity leave. I'm not talking about moms who choose to return to work. While I don't fully understand that choice, it's the moms who feel pressured to return to work or don't have another option that I'm talking about.

This is reminding me of something. We've all heard "Breast is best" in regards to breastfeeding. There is an interesting point made that saying "breast is best" implies that formula is good, but breast is better. And really the truth is that breast is normal. Formula is artificial and NOT normal, and should be reserved as a last ditch effort. Not marketed as if it's totally fine and a good substitute for breast milk. In the feeding scale there are four options-

1. Breastfeeding from mom
2. Drinking mom's pumped milk
3. Drinking donor milk
4. Formula.

I'd even say that breastfeeding from a wet nurse should be #2, or at least #3. It's the breast milk AND act of nursing that gives all the advantages. But in our society, formula has been touted as a miracle in a can. The motive is monetary, like most things. That's good ol' America for you, thinking of money first, and then health.

Back to what I was saying... Is being a stay at home mom a privilege? Am I lucky? Does that mean it's the best option for raising a child, and working moms are just as good? Is that what that implies?

To me, being a stay at home mom doesn't even need a title. It's just the normal, natural thing to do when one has a baby. Not a special advantage. Just normal.