5 YEARS OLD.

When Makena was a newborn baby Pam and I would stare at her and say to each other, "Oh my god, one day she'll be walking. And talking. And one day she will be FIVE." 

5 years seems like a long time before you have kids. I am very aware of how quickly 5 years goes by now, and I'm freaking out a little that I'll blink again and the next 5 will have passed.

Makena asked me tonight if she still have her soft spot on her head. She was rubbing the top of her head and asked me to check. "If I still have it, it means I'm still a little bit a baby." And she said it in a longing way, like she wants to hold on to that piece of being a baby. She's been 5 years old for a week, and she is teetering on the edge of babyhood and big girl. But I know. I know that she's so much less baby now. She a stark contrast to her baby sister, who at 1 year old is barely baby enough. A baby you can hold, and place down, and come back to. Then they learn to walk, and they decide when to walk away from you. And they learn how to talk, and they speak their own mind and say things that make you want to cry, in good and in bad ways. 

At five years old she is so very sweet. She is smart. Bright and eager to learn, motivated to do the right thing. She likes to follow rules. She is sensitive. Wants to please people, doesn't like to rock the boat. She empathetic, takes other peoples feelings into account and puts them before hers. She is keenly aware of other people not doing the right thing. She is silly. She loves to sing and perform at home, in front of us or on her own. She craves our attention, always asking to play board games, or play with her dolls or do Lego stuff, a new favorite activity.

She is a perfectionist at times, gets frustrated when her work isn't the "right" way. She gets annoyed when someone interrupts her. She holds in her feelings sometimes and then lets it all out later in the safety and comfort of home. She has an amazing memory, will remember details of things that we can barely remember. She can be so grumpy. She will snap at us for absolutely nothing. "Makena are you hungry for lunch?" "Why are you asking me that?! I just ate an apple!" "After you brush your teeth don't forget to put your shoes on so we can get out the door in time." "Stop telling me to put on my shoes, I already know!!!!!!!" The outbursts are perplexing and annoying. She'll sigh out a "sorry!" and almost roll her eyes, and then a minute later be a puddle of tears with genuine remorse. She is trying on all sorts of hats. I'm glad that the ones that fit best are the ones we are most used to. She's kind, above all, but testing out different attitudes for size.

She can read and write. READ AND WRITE. My little baby! She doesn't like to make mistakes, wants more help than she really needs. Gets very emotional. Asks for hugs whenever she's upset. She is creative and has awesome ideas for things. She is so thoughtful, and will come up with suggestions and solutions that I wouldn't have thought of.

She is learning how to be more comfortable speaking her mind. I saw her raise her hand while sitting at the rug for story time at preschool. She didn't know I was there. The teacher had just finished a book about saying goodbye in other languages. Other kids were chattering away, and Makena's hand went up. She kept it up despite the teacher not noticing her at first, and despite the other kids talking. She kept it up until the teacher quieted down the other kids and called on her. I couldn't wait to hear what she wanted to say, what she felt was so important that she was calling attention to herself and going to talk to an adult on her own. "Is adios french?" That was her question. The teacher answered, and then Makena turned her head and spotted me. She smiled shyly, maybe a little embarrassed, maybe a little proud. I smiled back, trying to radiate how proud I was, how happy it makes me to see her interacting with others.

She can be slow to warm, but perks up and gets silly and animated. She can stop what she's doing and say goodbye with a simple, "okay!" when I ask, or she can burst into tears and whine about bot wanting to leave. She can bargain with me, "5 more minutes? When I'm done with this last thing? How about I play a little more until you are finished with Hadley's diaper?" And I usually agree because she's made a smart request.

She can get so disappointed. Waiting for friends or Grandmo to arrive can be extremely hard for her. She likes to make countdown calendars to pass time. She wakes up in the morning ready to play, asking us to do something with her. She can be exhausting, but she is so very mild tempered compared to other kids. Her emotions tend to come from a place of sadness rather than anger.

She is joy. She is a warm snuggle. She makes me want to be a better person. Parenting her gives me more purpose than I've ever felt before. I am so thankful that I get to spend so much time with her. These years are flying by, I want to slow down and savor it all!!

------------------------------------------------------
I'm trying to remember to ask Makena the following questions every year-

Favorite color?
Purple. I also like violet.

Favorite food? 
Olives. Olives are my favorite food because they are so black and round. Raspberries, broccoli walnut pasta!

Favorite drink? 
Blackberry mojito tea lemonade at Starbucks, fruit punch juice, and mint iced tea.

What do you want to be when you grow up? 
Veterinarian. A hair cutter. A cook.

What's your favorite movie?
I have 3 favorite movies. Frozen, Rapunzel, and Little Mermaid. Wait can you change that one? What's the real name? Tangled? Okay change it to say Tangled.

What's your favorite toy?
My American Girl doll, and games and Legos and stuffed animals, and playing with my sister!

What is your favorite thing about being you?
I like that I'm very very smart and very very helpful. And I have a GREAT family. I'm funny, sing, dance, that's all.

Where do you wish we could go right now?
Legoland!

What would you buy with a million dollars?
Another American Girl doll. And 20 Lego sets. And buy a car and buy you and Mama and Hadley a new house with 2 bathrooms, 2 bedrooms, Hadley and me will have a bunk bed, you and Mama will have your own bathroom and me and Hadley will have our own bathroom.

What's the best thing you've done this past year?
Camping, our vacation to Legoland and Disneyland and the beach with Ian and Colin, the 17 days we had off from school and work because we could all play video games and that was my first time playing Disney skate and then I loved it. And also my birthday party because Ian and Colin came!