As humans, we have that same instinct. But we also have words. And words can hurt. You can say something that another mom doesn't agree with, maybe about her parenting style or a decision she's made for her child, and all hell will break loose. Only you don't even have to say something about her. You can just be talking about your OWN parenting style and she'll get offended and become defensive. It's a crazy world full of mama bears out here!!
I truly believe we all want what's best for our
When Makena was 4 months old I got a free used Baby Bjorn. It was awesome, we loved it, she loved it. Then it was mentioned to me (by a few people!) that that style of baby carrier wasn't as great as some others, and I could've stopped right there and flipped out about it- "But Makena doesn't mind, she likes facing outward!" Instead I started reading. Sure enough, the Bjorn is known as one of the worst carriers out there! No need to be upset, because I simply didn't know. And I'm not going to be defensive about something if I'm not armed with facts. (And let me note: safety ALWAYS trumps, "but she likes it!")
Anyway, the reason I say all this is because I've found myself feeling like a bit of an activist for a few different parenting things that I didn't realize I felt so strongly about. Issues that are important to me. So that doesn't make me an activist really, but I'm someone who can't help but share information and wants to start discussions so other moms can make the right decision. So here are my top mama bear issues, in no particular order:
Breastfeeding! Why is this a hot subject? There are SO many emotions tied to this simple act of feeding your baby the way nature intended. Oh wait, that's part of the problem. Breast IS best. Nobody can argue that, the facts have been proven time and time again. But what if it isn't a simple act for you? What if you have milk or supply issues? What if you go back to work and need to pump? What if, what if, what if... People FREAK OUT over the breast milk/formula debate. Why? I believe it's their own guilt, or misinformation. And unfortunately breastfeeding doesn't come easily to every mom and baby. There are a lot of things that can go wrong. I never even thought about worrying about breastfeeding. The woman I saw in my family nursed their babies. It was something I always assumed I'd do one day, and one of the things I most looked forward to when having a baby.
I was very surprised when I struggled in PAIN during those first 2 weeks of nursing Makena. Sometimes it was fine. When she latched on and started nursing in the hospital, minutes after birth, I figured I was a pro! Every time a nurse asked me how it was going I was proud to say "Great!" But then my milk came in the day after we got home from the hospital. (3 days after she was born.) I would sit and cry while she tried to latch on and cry even more as she nursed. Pam would stand there helpless as I winced in pain, squeezed my eyes shut, and bit my lip. I'd try to repeatedly pop her off and re-latch, but it was SO PAINFUL. It felt like needles were being jabbed into an open wound. But my baby was hungry, I had to feed her. I had to feed my baby otherwise she would starve. Formula was NOT an option I considered. I had to just DO it. It would start to feel less painful after a few minutes, so I only had to bear it for a short while. So I did. But my god, I finally felt like I understood why some women would chose not to nurse. And then my nipples would bleed and start to scab over and I had to continue nursing my baby through it all. Not fun.
Did the thought cross my mind to give up? I'm not going to lie. I fantasized about how easy it would be to have Pam make bottles and feed the baby. But I wanted to nurse. I was willing to do anything to ensure the nursing relationship I longed for. I wasn't able to have the all natural birth I hoped for, so I HAD to get this right. Then sometime around the 2nd week I realized it didn't hurt. Or, more like, the period of pain was getting shorter and shorter. And it wasn't easy or sweet, or pleasurable, or lovely, for a long time. Makena has always had a shallow latch. I had red itchy dry patches on my boobs for MONTHS. I went through tubes of Lansinoh. When she was about 6 months old I remember thinking how much easier nursing had become over time. We still struggled, she bit me a few times and then went on a devastating nursing strike for a few days, but it was getting so much better. And around 8 months, voila! We had it down. Finally! Nursing became a pure joy. :) And I've loved attending my local La Leche League meetings. I go to the one in Mountain View, and the group of moms is so awesome. We sit and talk and our babies play. It's such a great support group, and I now recommend the LLL to all expecting moms I know!!
But guess what? It's still not totally perfect. Like I said, she has a shallow latch, and sometimes as she falls asleep she will start to let my nipple slide out of her mouth then quickly try to stop it and she will bite it. And I almost always have to pop her off with my finger, which isn't comfortable. She would happily nurse for hours sometimes. Lately whenever she sees me and remembers I have boobs she asks for milk. It's adorable, but can be very annoying as well! Especially since this is something Pam can not help with. That gets very frustrating for me. And for Pam too.
I love nursing. Even through the painful times, it's so amazing. It makes me feel like the most important person in the world. Giver of life and nutrition! :)
So, breastfeeding. It's super important. And for people who don't? Oh well. Surely they excel in another area of parenting that I fail at! Ok, enough on that.
Car Seat Safety! I love being safe. I love rules, and following directions. I love to plan things out and do things the right way. When I was 13, I was visiting family members and my little cousins weren't buckled into their carseats correctly... and the "older" children weren't even wearing their seat belts. I knew that it was unsafe. I insisted that I had to sit in the chair with the working seat belt. I was laughed at. I'm sure eyes were rolled at the back of my head. But I didn't care at all. When I had my license I made a vow to never drive anyone who wasn't buckled in. I've been known to stop the car and refuse to drive if a passenger doesn't buckle up. And when I lived in NY, I would sit in a taxi and use the seatbelt!! Almost unheard of for most New Yorkers.
Obviously being safe in the car is an issue I care deeply about. Whenever I see kids bouncing around in the back seat of moving cars, or carseats installed the wrong way, or ADULTS HOLDING BABIES IN THEIR ARMS, I want to scream. Twice I've called 911 to report children being left buckled in their carseats, locked in cars outside of Trader Joe's. The first time the police arrived at the car as the mother came out, and the second time (Pam was actually the one who made the call) the mom came out and drove away before the cops got there. I don't care if you just have to run into the store for one thing. Children DIE from being left in a car. I cannot imagine the horror.
Anyway. Back to carseats. The main issue is using them safely. If you don't have the straps adjusted correctly or tight enough, or the chest clip latched at the chest, or a bunch of other things, you are doing it wrong and putting your childs life at risk. And if that seat isn't installed correctly into the car, then it's pointless. It's not just about snapping it into the seat. I was eager to have our appointment at the local car seat installation station. I "passed" with flying colors both times. :) What an honor! 4 out of 5 carseats are installed incorrectly. FOUR out of FIVE!!!! I am beyond proud that I'm one of the few who has my baby safely secured as we drive around. I feel it should be absolutely mandatory to have your carseat checked out by a certified technician before putting a baby in it. And then again to be sure you have accurately strapped the baby in!
And what goes hand in hand with car seat safety?!
Extended Rear Facing! Seriously, this shouldn't even be a phrase. It should be the only option! The guidelines that used to say you could turn your baby facing forward at 1 year and 20 lbs are a load of crap. It's not safe to have babies facing forward. End of story. Every child should be facing backwards until they outgrow their seat limits by height or weight. And car seat manufacturers need to get with the program and only make and sell seats that have high limits!!
But what if the baby doesn't like to be backwards? What if they cry and want to look out of the window? No. Safety first. They probably also don't like it when you don't let them play by the pool by themselves, or play with knives, or eat poisonous things. Makena haaaaaaates riding in the car. She will cry for hours. One of us sits back there with her. She's 14 months old now, and I think Pam and I have sat in the front together less than 10 times. And when she turned 1 year old we put in a portable DVD player to keep her entertained. Something we NEVER thought we'd do! But, you do what you need to do to keep your child safe.
But what if the baby's legs are touching the seat back? Baby looks so smushed back there. Turning them forward would give them more space! Sure. More space to get more injuries in a crash! Your baby doesn't know any better. All they know is that when they are in the car that's where they sit. So your toddler and young child will know the same. Just because YOU think it looks uncomfortable doesn't mean it is. And even if it IS, I'd rather have an uncomfortable child than one in a body cast. Or worse.
Do the right thing for goodness sake. Keep them rear facing as long as possible. Period.
Circumcision.
Why is this a hot button issue?! WHY?! Maybe I'm just lucky that I grew up in a family where penises were left the way god intended. I know that I'm not always the smartest cookie in the jar, but I like to think I have enough of a brain to know that mutilating a newborn babies genitals is never okay. What kind of mother carries her child in her womb, keeping him safe and looking forward to holding him in her arms, then lets him be taken away by strangers to have perfectly healthy skin cut off of his most sensitive body part? A mother who doesn't know better. And ignorance is sweet sweet bliss. But oh, what a horrendous mistake to make. As for the mothers who think they've read all the research and have decided they still feel like inflicting such needless pain upon the child they are supposed to protect? Now that's where the real shame is.
There is no excuse for it. None. More baby boys die from circumcision than SIDS every year. So not only is the procedure risky, but it's completely unnecessary. Some common lame reasons I've heard-
But I want him to look like his father. Wow, really? Does his father have a tiny hairless penis? Your baby girl isn't born with developed breasts, would you like her to get implants?
But the other boys are circumcised and I don't want him to be made fun of. Chances are, the other boys aren't!! Infant circumcision rates are dropping like crazy as more people learn the truth. Most other countries don't do it at all. What a poor excuse. You might as well tell your son when he's older that you valued what others *might* think about him more than his own worth. You are pretty much sending a message of "Your body is disgusting, I want it "fixed" to look like what my idea of a "good penis" looks like before I can love you."
It's a religious tradition. Yeah... it's too bad that you feel like honoring that tradition, when I'm SURE there are others that you let slide without thought. Religious excuses never sit well with me. There's nothing an outdated fiction book can tell me that I'll take seriously enough to go against common sense.
It's my husbands decision. Actually, it's not. It's your sons decision. And if you want to spare him the pain of enduring the procedure as an adult, then THINK ABOUT THAT for a minute. It is even MORE painful when done on an infant. And then you will let them pee and poop where their bloody wound needs to heal. Gross.
Ugh. I feel like there is so much more, obviously. But it takes me so so SO long to type anything, this has been over 2 weeks in the making now, and I'd rather just get back to playing with my little one. :)
Great post! All things that I also hold close to my heart for the same reasons!
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