41 Weeks and 5 Days old.

Makena has officially been on Earth longer than she was inside my belly. I don't know if I can accurately put into words how this feels to me. I don't know if anyone would/does feel the same. But I do know this...

For 41 weeks and 4 days she was growing inside me. She was mine, only mine. We shared every heartbeat, every movement, every hiccup, every single part of life belonged to both of us, together. When I was pregnant and my belly would growl, I loved knowing that the baby inside me knew no hunger. My body did everything it was supposed to do, and kept her safe. I was responsible for her in a way that I can never get back. She only needed ME. If anything happened to me her life would be in danger. Now, she's her own person. Still dependent on me, of course, but she's her own being. Someone else could raise her and she'd turn out just fine. But while she was still a fetus, she was undeniably mine. There could be no questioning of our physical and spiritual bond. She was me, and I was her. We were one. There isn't another situation in life where you could possibly be so completely connected with another human being.

And then she was born, and later cut from the cord that had been our physical lifeline to each other. She was finally in my arms, but no longer a part of my body. I mourned the end of my pregnancy, and I still do. It's an incredible feeling, growing a human, and I'm grateful that I never took it for granted.

As she grew and explored the world around her, I was sadly counting down to this day. November 8th. Now she's been outside on her own for longer than she was inside me. Now the Earth has had her for longer than I had her. Now I don't feel the same as before.

She's older, still so young, but so much older than when she was first born. She's old enough to have her own opinions, and to show her emotions, and she can move away from me when she wants to. She is her own person. And now she's been her own person for longer than she was a part of me. Have you ever missed someone who was there next to you? It's kinda like that. Sometimes I miss her, I miss the part of her that was a part of me.

I don't know if I'm expressing my thoughts and feelings exactly right. But I do know that if anyone feels this same way, they know what I mean.