1 month of babyhood left!

In 30 days Hadley will be turning 1 year old.

She is so much fun. She's happy, silly, sweet and I just love her personality! She keeps me on my toes in a way that Makena never has! I love to follow her around and watch how she moves her body. I find her standing up on things and rush to her before she falls. I watch her watch Makena in complete adoration. She loves her so much. In a way that I thought only Pam and I could. And Makena is so careful and thoughtful with Hadley. It brings me immeasurable joy to see them playing together. Even if playing at this point is just chasing each other and giggling on the floor!

These 11 months have gone by so fast. All time has gone by quickly since Makena was born, but being busy with 2 kids now has a way of making time fly even faster. At this point in Makena's life we knew she was a Sesame Street lover. Hadley loves animals. Dogs especially, but anything that moves, even birds and squirrels, they are all extremely exciting for her. I wonder when we will get a pet. I assume it'll be a cat, but this apartment is too small to fit another living thing!

I always wanted kids. Either 2 or 4, an even number so that there wouldn't be a middle child. If we had the resources to afford a better quality of life I would happily have 4 kids. Pam has always said 2, and I'm okay with that. Especially with our lifestyle now. I absolutely agree that we are not in the right place financially to have more!

But.

There is something about knowing I won't have another baby. It leaves me feeling an emptiness, not a big hollow black hole, but it's like there is a corner in my soul that is a bright white blank spot. It feels like hope, even though I know we aren't having another baby. It's hard to describe. Maybe it means that down the road somewhere our lives will change drastically and we will adopt a child in need! Oh how I would love that!! But for now we're happy. I was about to type that our hearts are full, and while they ARE, indeed incredibly full, there is still that spot in mine that knows it would be thrilled to expand for more kids. Then I was going to write that our hands are full, and yes, some days I feel like I might be crushed under the weight of motherhood, and my hands have more than they can physically juggle. But I could absolutely handle another child. Or two. ;)

So I'm soaking up these last weeks of babyhood. I'm so glad that Hadley is a cuddly adorable sweet baby. While she is definitely busy being on the move, she loves hugs and snuggles!