Mother Bear

Obviously, nobody is perfect. I've had over a year now of understanding what "Mama Drama" and "Mommy Wars" are about. I think it boils down to mother bear syndrome. You know how it goes, you bother a baby bear cub and you better be ready for an attack from the mama bear! Only you don't even have to bother that cub. You can just be too close and the mama will react. It's in her very nature to protect her young.

As humans, we have that same instinct. But we also have words. And words can hurt. You can say something that another mom doesn't agree with, maybe about her parenting style or a decision she's made for her child, and all hell will break loose. Only you don't even have to say something about her. You can just be talking about your OWN parenting style and she'll get offended and become defensive. It's a crazy world full of mama bears out here!!

I truly believe we all want what's best for our cubs babies. Which is why it's so infuriating when someone does or says something that goes against what you believe in... and vice versa! It sucks to feel like your core beliefs are being challenged. But I'm all for learning new ways of doing things, and I have no problem admitting when I'm wrong or have changed my mind. I don't tend to get emotional and angry because I'm often too busy researching whatever issue is at hand. Please, help me see the light and change my mind if I'm wrong!! I'm all for it.

When Makena was 4 months old I got a free used Baby Bjorn. It was awesome, we loved it, she loved it. Then it was mentioned to me (by a few people!) that that style of baby carrier wasn't as great as some others, and I could've stopped right there and flipped out about it- "But Makena doesn't mind, she likes facing outward!" Instead I started reading. Sure enough, the Bjorn is known as one of the worst carriers out there! No need to be upset, because I simply didn't know. And I'm not going to be defensive about something if I'm not armed with facts. (And let me note: safety ALWAYS trumps, "but she likes it!")

Anyway, the reason I say all this is because I've found myself feeling like a bit of an activist for a few different parenting things that I didn't realize I felt so strongly about. Issues that are important to me. So that doesn't make me an activist really, but I'm someone who can't help but share information and wants to start discussions so other moms can make the right decision. So here are my top mama bear issues, in no particular order:

Breastfeeding! Why is this a hot subject? There are SO many emotions tied to this simple act of feeding your baby the way nature intended. Oh wait, that's part of the problem. Breast IS best. Nobody can argue that, the facts have been proven time and time again. But what if it isn't a simple act for you? What if you have milk or supply issues? What if you go back to work and need to pump? What if, what if, what if... People FREAK OUT over the breast milk/formula debate. Why? I believe it's their own guilt, or misinformation. And unfortunately breastfeeding doesn't come easily to every mom and baby. There are a lot of things that can go wrong. I never even thought about worrying about breastfeeding. The woman I saw in my family nursed their babies. It was something I always assumed I'd do one day, and one of the things I most looked forward to when having a baby.

I was very surprised when I struggled in PAIN during those first 2 weeks of nursing Makena. Sometimes it was fine. When she latched on and started nursing in the hospital, minutes after birth, I figured I was a pro! Every time a nurse asked me how it was going I was proud to say "Great!" But then my milk came in the day after we got home from the hospital. (3 days after she was born.) I would sit and cry while she tried to latch on and cry even more as she nursed. Pam would stand there helpless as I winced in pain, squeezed my eyes shut, and bit my lip. I'd try to repeatedly pop her off and re-latch, but it was SO PAINFUL. It felt like needles were being jabbed into an open wound. But my baby was hungry, I had to feed her. I had to feed my baby otherwise she would starve. Formula was NOT an option I considered. I had to just DO it. It would start to feel less painful after a few minutes, so I only had to bear it for a short while. So I did. But my god, I finally felt like I understood why some women would chose not to nurse. And then my nipples would bleed and start to scab over and I had to continue nursing my baby through it all. Not fun.

Did the thought cross my mind to give up? I'm not going to lie. I fantasized about how easy it would be to have Pam make bottles and feed the baby. But I wanted to nurse. I was willing to do anything to ensure the nursing relationship I longed for. I wasn't able to have the all natural birth I hoped for, so I HAD to get this right. Then sometime around the 2nd week I realized it didn't hurt. Or, more like, the period of pain was getting shorter and shorter. And it wasn't easy or sweet, or pleasurable, or lovely, for a long time. Makena has always had a shallow latch. I had red itchy dry patches on my boobs for MONTHS. I went through tubes of Lansinoh. When she was about 6 months old I remember thinking how much easier nursing had become over time. We still struggled, she bit me a few times and then went on a devastating nursing strike for a few days, but it was getting so much better. And around 8 months, voila! We had it down. Finally! Nursing became a pure joy. :) And I've loved attending my local La Leche League meetings. I go to the one in Mountain View, and the group of moms is so awesome. We sit and talk and our babies play. It's such a great support group, and I now recommend the LLL to all expecting moms I know!!

But guess what? It's still not totally perfect. Like I said, she has a shallow latch, and sometimes as she falls asleep she will start to let my nipple slide out of her mouth then quickly try to stop it and she will bite it. And I almost always have to pop her off with my finger, which isn't comfortable. She would happily nurse for hours sometimes. Lately whenever she sees me and remembers I have boobs she asks for milk. It's adorable, but can be very annoying as well! Especially since this is something Pam can not help with. That gets very frustrating for me. And for Pam too.

I love nursing. Even through the painful times, it's so amazing. It makes me feel like the most important person in the world. Giver of life and nutrition! :)

So, breastfeeding. It's super important. And for people who don't? Oh well. Surely they excel in another area of parenting that I fail at! Ok, enough on that.

Car Seat Safety! I love being safe. I love rules, and following directions. I love to plan things out and do things the right way. When I was 13, I was visiting family members and my little cousins weren't buckled into their carseats correctly... and the "older" children weren't even wearing their seat belts. I knew that it was unsafe. I insisted that I had to sit in the chair with the working seat belt. I was laughed at. I'm sure eyes were rolled at the back of my head. But I didn't care at all. When I had my license I made a vow to never drive anyone who wasn't buckled in. I've been known to stop the car and refuse to drive if a passenger doesn't buckle up. And when I lived in NY, I would sit in a taxi and use the seatbelt!! Almost unheard of for most New Yorkers.

Obviously being safe in the car is an issue I care deeply about. Whenever I see kids bouncing around in the back seat of moving cars, or carseats installed the wrong way, or ADULTS HOLDING BABIES IN THEIR ARMS, I want to scream. Twice I've called 911 to report children being left buckled in their carseats, locked in cars outside of Trader Joe's. The first time the police arrived at the car as the mother came out, and the second time (Pam was actually the one who made the call) the mom came out and drove away before the cops got there. I don't care if you just have to run into the store for one thing. Children DIE from being left in a car. I cannot imagine the horror.

Anyway. Back to carseats. The main issue is using them safely. If you don't have the straps adjusted correctly or tight enough, or the chest clip latched at the chest, or a bunch of other things, you are doing it wrong and putting your childs life at risk. And if that seat isn't installed correctly into the car, then it's pointless. It's not just about snapping it into the seat. I was eager to have our appointment at the local car seat installation station. I "passed" with flying colors both times. :) What an honor! 4 out of 5 carseats are installed incorrectly. FOUR out of FIVE!!!! I am beyond proud that I'm one of the few who has my baby safely secured as we drive around. I feel it should be absolutely mandatory to have your carseat checked out by a certified technician before putting a baby in it. And then again to be sure you have accurately strapped the baby in!

And what goes hand in hand with car seat safety?!

Extended Rear Facing! Seriously, this shouldn't even be a phrase. It should be the only option! The guidelines that used to say you could turn your baby facing forward at 1 year and 20 lbs are a load of crap. It's not safe to have babies facing forward. End of story. Every child should be facing backwards until they outgrow their seat limits by height or weight. And car seat manufacturers need to get with the program and only make and sell seats that have high limits!!

But what if the baby doesn't like to be backwards? What if they cry and want to look out of the window? No. Safety first. They probably also don't like it when you don't let them play by the pool by themselves, or play with knives, or eat poisonous things. Makena haaaaaaates riding in the car. She will cry for hours. One of us sits back there with her. She's 14 months old now, and I think Pam and I have sat in the front together less than 10 times. And when she turned 1 year old we put in a portable DVD player to keep her entertained. Something we NEVER thought we'd do! But, you do what you need to do to keep your child safe.

But what if the baby's legs are touching the seat back? Baby looks so smushed back there. Turning them forward would give them more space! Sure. More space to get more injuries in a crash! Your baby doesn't know any better. All they know is that when they are in the car that's where they sit. So your toddler and young child will know the same. Just because YOU think it looks uncomfortable doesn't mean it is. And even if it IS, I'd rather have an uncomfortable child than one in a body cast. Or worse.

Do the right thing for goodness sake. Keep them rear facing as long as possible. Period.

Circumcision.
Why is this a hot button issue?! WHY?! Maybe I'm just lucky that I grew up in a family where penises were left the way god intended. I know that I'm not always the smartest cookie in the jar, but I like to think I have enough of a brain to know that mutilating a newborn babies genitals is never okay. What kind of mother carries her child in her womb, keeping him safe and looking forward to holding him in her arms, then lets him be taken away by strangers to have perfectly healthy skin cut off of his most sensitive body part? A mother who doesn't know better. And ignorance is sweet sweet bliss. But oh, what a horrendous mistake to make. As for the mothers who think they've read all the research and have decided they still feel like inflicting such needless pain upon the child they are supposed to protect? Now that's where the real shame is.

There is no excuse for it. None. More baby boys die from circumcision than SIDS every year. So not only is the procedure risky, but it's completely unnecessary. Some common lame reasons I've heard-
But I want him to look like his father. Wow, really? Does his father have a tiny hairless penis? Your baby girl isn't born with developed breasts, would you like her to get implants?
But the other boys are circumcised and I don't want him to be made fun of. Chances are, the other boys aren't!! Infant circumcision rates are dropping like crazy as more people learn the truth. Most other countries don't do it at all. What a poor excuse. You might as well tell your son when he's older that you valued what others *might* think about him more than his own worth. You are pretty much sending a message of "Your body is disgusting, I want it "fixed" to look like what my idea of a "good penis" looks like before I can love you."
It's a religious tradition. Yeah... it's too bad that you feel like honoring that tradition, when I'm SURE there are others that you let slide without thought. Religious excuses never sit well with me. There's nothing an outdated fiction book can tell me that I'll take seriously enough to go against common sense.
It's my husbands decision. Actually, it's not. It's your sons decision. And if you want to spare him the pain of enduring the procedure as an adult, then THINK ABOUT THAT for a minute. It is even MORE painful when done on an infant. And then you will let them pee and poop where their bloody wound needs to heal. Gross.



Ugh. I feel like there is so much more, obviously. But it takes me so so SO long to type anything, this has been over 2 weeks in the making now, and I'd rather just get back to playing with my little one. :)

Scariest Moment of our Lives

Yesterday we woke up in Fresno. We had been visiting for Kansas' 1st birthday party, which was AMAZING! She had a Hungry Caterpillar theme, and her moms went crazy with decorations and food. So much fun!

So, we went to bed after a long busy fun-filled day. The next day, Monday Feb 21st (president's day) we were relaxing and planning to get ready to head home with the 2.5 hour car ride. Makena was fussy so I went to lay down and nurse her and she fell asleep for a nap. She was fidgety and restless the whole nap. I couldn't get up and walk away like usual because she just wasn't sleeping soundly at all. After an hour had passed, she woke up and we went back to the playroom to play with Kansas. Makena was warm. Pam had noticed it earlier, but now she was definitely feverish. I nursed her and then I walked into the kitchen with her and she threw up. Luckily, I was standing next to the open trash can. lol. We took her temperature and it was 100.4. That was at about 10:30am. We gave her ibuprofen to help with the fever.

We decided to take it easy and make sure she wasn't going to be puking while on our car ride. She seemed fine, was walking around and playing, so we hit the road a little after 2pm. We were supposed to be back for her 1 year old photo session that evening at Sears, but canceled the appointment. For the 3rd time...oy! Makena napped for over an hour, then she woke in a good mood so we stopped at Casa de Fruta. We looked at doggies and ducks and rode the train.

While waiting in line for the train I shifted Makena in my arms and my fingers touched the skin on her back. I could feel how cold my fingers were on her warm back, and she shivered and threw herself backwards oddly. I went to sit down and she...shivered again a bit. It was different, and I told Pam about it and we wondered if we should get on the train, but she seemed fine. We took the little train ride, and Makena was still and watching the whole time. Didn't even flinch when we went through the tunnel and the driver had everyone scream as loud as they could (not cool) and a few times we checked her but she seemed to be just relaxed and watching the stuff go by.

Got back to the car and I sat and nursed her, and then when she sat up she threw up again. We put her in the car seat and drove home, and she fell asleep again. Odd for her to sleep again so soon after waking. But we knew she wasn't feeling well. She was warm, and Pam noticed she kept jerking a little bit, kinda like when you are falling asleep sometimes and do a little jerk. (You've had that happen, right?! It's crazy.) We got home at about 5:50pm. Came upstairs, said hi to Donte and Dorothy, and Makena was walking around and happy to be home with her toys. She grabbed her baby doll. Pam took her temperature, it was 101.9. We gave her a second dose of medicine.

We were minutes away from the worst, and had no idea what was coming.

She didn't like taking the medicine, so I was soothing her and she melted into my lap as I sat on the floor cuddling her. I sang Baby Beluga, and Pam was about to take the broken TV down to the dumpster so she was outside. Makena was staring at the Elmo balloon that we still have from her birthday party. She was staring at it without blinking, but she started to look higher on the ceiling. I followed her eyes, and couldn't figure out what she was looking at. I looked back at her, knowing something wasn't right. Her eyes were slowly rolling back. I told Pam to call the Dr. We couldn't get the right number for the night nurse, but called the regular number to be re-directed at 6pm. I was looking in my phone because I have the number in there, and then suddenly Makena went limp and turned blue. It was the fastest scariest thing ever. Pam said "She's blue!" I passed Makena to Pam as I was dialing 911, and her body was like jello, her head fell forward, she was completely blue, and totally non-responsive. I panicked, yelled at Pam to do something. She said something but I don't know what. But the look on her face was enough to show me that I was not overreacting. This was a real emergency. According to the phone call history it was 6:02 when I placed the 911 call.

It was beyond a nightmare. It was mere seconds that lasted a lifetime. It was the horrifying thought of "this can NOT be it. NO this is NOT the end. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!"

It was terrifying. I could hear Pam saying "Makena! Makena!" And I ran outside. I think I wanted to be sure I had clear reception?? And I couldn't handle being in the house. The 911 operator was annoyingly calm. She asked for my address, made me specify if it was "d as in david" or "v as in victor" and I think I yelled "V! VICTOR!" I wondered if any neighbors were hearing me in hysterics and then realized I was relatively calm. I spoke with urgency and fear, for sure, but it was not chaotic. Then she asked for my phone number. (I remember thinking with dismay that I was calling from Pam's cell phone, and not a land line. And they always say not to call from a cell because it takes them longer to arrive. But, we don't even have a land line. I have always looked up the direct number for emergency services in whatever city I lived and had them saved in my phone, but I never put in the number for our city because I couldn't find one.) I was appalled that I didn't even get a chance yet to say what was wrong and that we needed help. FINALLY (a few seconds later...) she asked me to state my emergency. "My 13 month old daughter just turned blue and we need an ambulance, she has a fever then her eyes rolled back and she went blue and" and she interrupted me and asked if she was breathing. I realized with horror that had no idea. I HAD NO IDEA IF MY BABY WAS BREATHING. I ran back inside and I could hear her crying. Pam was sitting in the bathroom with Makena in her arms. "She's crying! She's breathing! Can you still send someone?" I was not as composed as I wish I would have been, and know I was supposed to be. She told me the paramedics were on their way but she wanted more info from me first. She had me count the frequency of her breaths, so I had to say "breath" every time she breathed. It was slow, and Makena was making a little grunt with each exhale. The 911 lady asked if she had made any jerking or twitchy movements before turning blue, and I said yes. Then she told me it sounded like she had a febrile seizure. In the back of my head I knew immediately what that was. A seizure brought on by a fever. Not life threatening. I picked up my cell phone and pressed the speed dial number for my parents house. My dad answered, I asked him to tell mom to come over as fast as possible. He gave the phone to her and I was crying and just said the same thing. She said she was walking out the door and I hung up.

I heard sirens and realized they were for us. We hear sirens all the time, sometimes they are so loud that I get worried/annoyed that they will wake up my napping baby. We are very close to 2 fire stations. But to hear that very familiar sound and hear it get louder as it comes rushing to help you, was a very different feeling. I went downstairs to flag them down, and the 911 lady kept trying to ask me questions but I just wanted to deal with an actual person who would help me. She told me to stay with the baby and not leave her alone, that the paramedics would find us. But I told her she was okay and with her other mom. (I had a very brief moment of wondering what she made of that.) A fire truck pulled up, and an ambulance was right behind it. The driver hopped down and was NOT in any rush. He was walking towards the back of the truck to meet up with the other guys who were getting out. They were all walking. WALKING. Infuriating, but I felt a thousand times better seeing them. I told the 911 lady that I was with the firemen, thanked her, and hung up. Actually I think I just turned my phone off.

I filled in the fireman with what happened as we walked up the stairs and in to our apartment. Pam was sitting with Makena on the couch. She was sitting up, but still not right, looked very lethargic and out of it. I can't remember what happened next. I think I was so relieved that everything was okay in that moment that my brain turned off. They attached a blood oxygen monitor thing to her toe. They took her temperature. I don't remember what it was, 100.4 or .6, but they were happy to see she had color. They listened to her lungs with a stethoscope. I think there were 5-6 firemen in our living room. They had a lot of gear with them, and we had just walked in the door from our road trip so we had suitcases and stuff all over the floor as well. 2 paramedics started to come in but they told them it was okay and they left to wait outside. I knew that was a good sign.

She slowly became more like herself, and they were talking and telling us what a febrile seizure is and what to do now. They said to undress her, and told me to get a cool washcloth, but then they thought she looked fine and didn't feel hot so she didn't need it. The fire captain said something to one of the younger guys that sounded like "go get a bear." (what?!) She started to fuss and cry, and they said that was very good, that after the seizure her brain needed time to re-boot and that's what was going on. They said she looked stable, and said they recommend we go to the ER to get her checked out by a doctor. They said we could take an ambulance or drive ourselves since our hospital is so close by, and that she might have another seizure but they don't think she will during the drive. If so, to pull over and call 911 again. We opted to drive ourselves. We signed paperwork, and as they were finishing up my mom walked in. A fireman gave Makena a small stuffed bear with a Santa Clara Fire Department shirt on it. I told them that I was surprised how fast they arrived, since I called from a cell phone. But they told me that the county calls are all passed through the Santa Clara city dispatch, so that's why there's no direct emergency line for this city.

We thanked them, and they left. We got Makena dressed in some snap footless jammies, and took her to the hospital. My mom followed behind us. We had stuffed the diaper bag with a bunch of stuff, not knowing how long we'd be there. We didn't think to get any food or water. Pam and I were dressed ridiculously- When we had gotten out of the car at Case de Fruta it was cold, so I threw on a v neck sweater over a t-shirt, and Pam put a scoop neck long sleeved shirt over a t-shirt.

We got to the hospital a little before 7pm and I didn't know where to park. And I was frustrated that the signs pointing to the emergency room were not very clear in the dark. They should have been lit up! We parked in a close Out Patient Only spot and went inside, checked in and sat and waited for about 50 minutes. Pam was a genius and had thought to bring a phone charger, and that was awesome. I nursed Makena a bunch, she tried to sleep. We read her books. Watched Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. Pam called the Doctor again and left a message for Dr. Wally. The nurse said she'd let him know and we'd probably hear from him tomorrow with a follow up call. We were called in to the triage room and a nurse weighed Makena (24 lbs) took her temp (100. something) and told us to undress her and asked some questions. THANK GOD when she asked if she'd had any recent vaccines we could say no!! It felt GREAT to know that this wasn't brought on by a vaccine. Oh yes, check those vaccine inserts and sure enough some of them pose a risk of febrile seizures. And it's listed as a minor side effect. In fact, if a child has one following a vaccine the doctor is required to report it. I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Infuriating. I wish we had what happened to Makena on tape and could show that to people who are considering vaccinating their babies. /vaccine rant.

We were told to go wait to be seen by a doctor. We knew it was 8pm when The Bachelor came on. Then Makena's name was called and we went to follow the doctor but he said only 2 adults were allowed so my mom stayed in the waiting room. (Hindsight, we should've asked her to go get us some dinner! lol.)

We were put in a room, right across from the nurses station, with just a curtain for privacy. It didn't keep out all the light and noises, and Makena was so exhausted. A young female doctor came in and we told her what happened and that they were going to run a few tests to try and figure out what is causing the fever, since she didn't have any symptoms like a runny nose or cough. She mentioned getting some blood work done, a chest x-ray to check her lungs, a catheter to check for a UTI. She left and I broke out my phone to google alternatives to a catheter, because I knew I wasn't going to consent to that unless it was absolutely necessary. A nurse came in with the catheter kit and started to explain what they were going to do and I said, "Actually we're going to decline the catheter."

[Silence, for slightly longer than a normal pause in a conversation.]

"Ok... I'll let the doctor know."

She left and I could hear the low voices at the nurses station "...says they don't want it..." "the patients mom" "declined" "I'll call the doctor."

I could almost hear them rolling their eyes and shaking their heads.

Here's the thing. I don't have a lot of faith in doctors. I believe they are by far great people who want to help save lives, and that's extremely admirable, no doubt about it.

I also think they want to be efficient. And I think that's a system that works well when you are dealing with a lot of cases and want to hurry and see everyone as soon as possible. But I'm not willing to blindly follow everything they recommend without being fully informed first. So yes, I'm that person who questions and wants to research and get second and third opinions. And now that I'm that parent, it's even more important. The doctor looks at a sick child and wants to fix it and move on to the next patient. I look at my sick child and want to fix it too, of course, but I want to take the time to be absolutely sure I agree first with what the doctor suggests. I want to take the time to do what's best for MY child. Not what's best for the doctors schedule. Selfish? Perhaps. But I feel proud that I know how to stand up for what I know is the right thing. It bothers me GREATLY that so many people will do whatever a doctor says, no questions asked.

So, I stood up for Makena. I didn't want to subject her to a catheter unless it was the last resort. And, I know there is the option to have a bag taped to her to catch the urine before it hits her diaper, so I wanted that choice to be offered. The doctor came in shortly after that, and I knew it was coming. The scare tactic. She was all sweet and smiley, but inside her head I knew she thought I was being a pain.

"If you don't want to do the catheter we might have to do a lumbar puncture, and that's a lot more serious of a procedure than the catheter, which is just a verrrrry thin tube that collects a urine sample from the bladder."

I heard her explaining more, but stopped listening. I'll fill you in on what was going through my mind.

A lumbar puncture is a spinal tap. It's takes a sample of fluid from the space between the spine. It's normally done to test for meningitis. Yes, I knew all of that. A catheter is a tube that is inserted in the urethra, to test for a bladder infection or UTI. Totally traumatizing, and comes with risks. None of these risks were explained to us. No other methods were offered.

And the doctor was no threatening me that if I didn't consent to the catheter that we might have to get a spinal tap. Umm, they test for 2 different things. Scare tactics won't work on me. I'm too suspicious of you to begin with so you are only making yourself look worse in my eyes.

Meanwhile, Pam said "Katy, you probably know what a lumbar puncture is, but I don't, so can you explain that?" and the doctor looked at me and asked if I were in the medical field. "Nope, just very informed." Oh, if looks could kill. She turned to Pam (probably willing her to be a sheep who would follow her) and explained the procedure. Luckily, Pam has put faith in me because she knows I'm passionate about this stuff to look into it and discuss before allowing anything.

She left the room and we waited some more. It was late, and we tried to keep Makena entertained and comfortable. She was still in only a diaper. The longer we waited we were frustrated that they hadn't attached the bag yet to catch her urine, because she kept peeing in her diaper. A nurse came in and did the nasal swab, and sheesh that swab goes far!! Makena cried but it was quick and she was fine.

Outside we overheard them mention Dr. Wally's name. He's Makena's pediatrician, and we love him. Then we were called to get the x-ray, and Makena had to sit on a little stool while Pam crouched next to her wearing the lead vest. The technician explained that if she couldn't sit still to get a clear x-ray we'd have to make her wear a huge scary looking clear tube contraption that would force her to be still. Luckily, she did great. Then she had to turn and get an x-ray from the side. We went back to our room to wait some more.

Then Dr. Wally walked in. I had a quick moment of wondering if he was called to lecture us about getting the damn catheter. But it was clear that he came to offer us support. He said he was in his office finishing up paperwork and was ready to leave when he saw the fax that the night nurse sent. And instead of going home and calling us tomorrow, he decided to stop by to offer a friendly face. :) This doctor is so freakin awesome. We felt like celebrities. The staff all knew him, we kept hearing "Hi Dr Wally!" and we couldn't help but feel special that he was choosing to spend his time with us instead of going home at 9:30 pm on a holiday.

He listened to our whole story, then gave us advice (stopping to tell us about when he first moved to CA and saw the brown dead grass on the hills and realized those were the golden hills...lol?!) and he asked us about 10 times if we had any questions for him or if there was anything he could do to make us feel better. I asked what he recommends we do, and he said whatever the doctor assigned to us suggests. Then he said he'd check who was on our case because he knew everyone and would be sure we got the best. Makena was asking for milk so I started to nurse her and he got up and closed the curtain all the way. haha. Then she fell asleep so he turned off the lights. He's just so sweet and thoughtful! He left after about 20 minutes, and then I went to ask the nurse what exactly we were waiting for. She said it looked like our test results were back and we were just waiting for the doctor to come back from doing some sutures on someone.
Around 10:30 we were visited by a new doctor. An older man who said "I saw Dr. Wally was here, he and I go way back. You have a great doctor!" Then he explained that the tests looked good, there were no infections, and we were free to go home. A nurse came in with discharge papers and told us to keep fighting her fever for 48 hours with Tylenol and Motrin switching off. Which is funny because Dr. Wally said not to do that. He says he doesn't like that method, called it an old wives tale, and feels that there is no benefit. Also he thinks Motrin can upset your stomach so just to use Tylenol. Fine with me, the less medication the better!

So we left and went home. Pam went back out to buy some Tylenol, and then Makena fell asleep. Poor baby was exhausted.

What's the most ironic thing? She had the nasal swab and a chest x-ray.

....

That's right, she never had a urine sample taken. They didn't even bother with the bag. The (new) doctor decided it wasn't even necessary.

SO IF WE HAD CONSENTED TO IT, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN POINTLESS!!!! Good lord.

Makena has been fine, she's been playing and happy, but yesterday she was definitely more clingy and fussy than normal. She napped a lot, then it took 2 hours to get her to fall asleep at bedtime. My mom came over in the morning after I called and woke her up asking her to bring some groceries for breakfast. And some Krispy Kreme donuts. So she made us a big egg and potato breakfast then played with Makena while I took a bath. Pam decided not to go to her classes, so we just took it easy at home.

The worst part is that because the fever came with an undiagnosed cause, she has a higher chance of another febrile seizure happening. In fact some kids get them whenever they get a fever. Some kids only once. So scary to know if could happen again. And apparently Makena's was bad because she actually stopped breathing and went unconscious. That doesn't always happen.

Here is some more info, thanks to babycenter.com:

What is a febrile seizure?

It's a convulsion caused by fever in a child between the ages of 6 months and 5 years. If your baby has one of these seizures, he may roll his eyes, drool, or vomit. His body may twitch or jerk and his limbs may get stiff. His skin may appear a little darker than usual, and he may lose consciousness.

The seizure may last only a few seconds or 15 (very long) minutes. (If it lasts longer than a few minutes, call 911.) Afterward, your baby might seem a bit sleepy, or he might seem just fine.

In most cases, febrile seizures are harmless, but that doesn't make them any less terrifying for you while your baby is having one. And you do need to take immediate action when he has one.

Febrile seizures tend to happen in children with fevers of over 102 degrees F, but they can happen at lower temperatures. They don't necessarily happen when a child's fever is at its highest, although they do tend to occur during the first 24 hours of a fever.

How common are febrile seizures?

Between the ages of 6 months and 5 years, 3 to 5 percent of children will have a febrile seizure. One-third of these children will have another one, and about half of those will have a third. Febrile seizures are most common in the toddler age range.

A child is more likely to have febrile seizures if either of his parents had them when they were young. Kids who have their first febrile seizure in their first year of life are the most likely to have another one. A child is also more likely to have a second seizure if his fever was low when he had his first one, or if the seizure occurred early on in his fever.

What should I do if my baby has a febrile seizure?

Quickly place him on his side, away from hard objects. Gently turn his head to one side so he won't choke if he vomits. Loosen his clothing if it's constricting him. Make sure he doesn't have anything in his mouth, and don't put anything in his mouth while the seizure lasts. Don't try to lower your baby's fever during a seizure by giving him medication, putting him in cool water, or sponging him off.

If your baby's seizure lasts longer than a few minutes, call 911. Also call 911 if he has difficulty breathing, if he's choking, or if his skin turns blue. (Even if it doesn't last very long, try to note the length of time so you can tell his doctor.) Otherwise, wipe away any vomit and call his doctor after the seizure is over — no matter how short it was — if it's his first one. She'll probably want to examine him to make sure he doesn't have a serious infection or other problem that caused the fever.

Can I prevent my baby from having a febrile seizure?

Some parents try to prevent febrile seizures by promptly bringing down any fever. But seizures tend to occur suddenly, sometimes before you even realize that your child is ill.

If your baby has a fever and he's had a febrile seizure before, it's understandable that you'll worry about a replay. Talk with his doctor about your concern. She'll be able to tell you if and when it's wise to try to bring down his fever.

If your baby frequently has febrile seizures, his doctor may suggest a drug to give him whenever he has a fever to lower the risk of a seizure. Such drugs have side effects, however, and in most instances, since febrile seizures are generally harmless, it's unnecessary to take preventative measures.

Are febrile seizures ever a sign that something is seriously wrong?

Usually the fever that causes a febrile seizure is the result of a viral upper respiratory infection, roseola, or an ear infection. But in rare cases, the fever is a symptom of meningitis or another serious problem. Your baby's doctor will consider his symptoms and screen him further if necessary.

So that's that. And now we just try to go on with our life and hope it doesn't happen again.

1 year old baby survey

One. She's one. She's really been with us for a year. Well, over a year. A year and 2 weeks. And it still isn't sinking in, at all. You know what else isn't sinking in? How absolutely gorgeous she is. We swear that every single day our daughter gets more and more beautiful. We constantly look at each other and shake our heads in bewilderment. She is truly the most amazing thing EVER!


She had her very first lollipop! (Actually it's just a stick, but she enjoyed it, and it's all natural! ha!)
I love that she runs now. She loves to walk around and when something interesting catches her eye she takes off for it. And if you pretend to chase her and say "I'm gonna get you!!" she goes running and laughing away. In this photo she was excited about the flags waving overhead, and had been pointing up at them saying "Ohh Ohh!" And I told her to go get them, so she went!

She went running towards the flag poles until she ran past these stairs, which were exciting enough for her to stop mid-run to climb up them.

Then, at the top of the stairs she turned around, sat down, and started scooting her bottom over to the edge, as if it were a slide to go down. She got frustrated and couldn't figure out how to go down the stairs since sliding clearly wasn't working. I helped her down, and then she just wanted to climb up them again, and we repeated the up and down about 3 times until I'd had enough and we continued our walk to the fountain in search of the ducks!


We didn't take photos with the ducks, but Pam took these from a few days earlier-


See what I mean? She's too wonderful for words. We love her personality, she's such a joy! Sweet and silly and so good!!

1 YEAR OLD PARENT SURVEY

DEVELOPMENT

Does your child know her name more than 75% of the time? I think so? But I think sometimes there's a difference between knowing her name and choosing to listen to us when we are trying to get her attention. lol.
wave, clap, or point- Yes. She claps and points all day long to show us what she wants!! She will wave when we say "bye bye!"
say any words- We go back and forth with this one. She will start to say "Uh-oh!" but then stops after "Uh!" And she says "Mama" but it sounds more like "Mamamamamama!" and she only says it when she's sad. She mostly grunts and claps.
understand simple directions- Yes. Very much so. She will put clothes in her laundry basket, throw things in the trash, find her shoes when it's time to go out, and sit down when we tell her to (usually!) to name a few things. The other day I was asking if she wanted a sip of my drink and I was on the couch. She sat down in the middle of the floor and looked at me. I asked her to come closer if she wanted a sip. And she got up and then sat down again. "Come here silly!" and she started to walk towards me. "Here, do you want a sip?" And she sat down again. Then I realized she thought I was saying SIT every time I said sip! Hahahaha!! She was following directions so well! :)
"cruise" on furniture or walk- Oh we had an early walker!! She started at 9.5 months.
look for dropped objects- Yep.
have temper tantrums- YES! And we think it's waaaay too young for such behavior! lol. She gets VERY upset sometimes when we won't let her have something she wants. Once she wanted a pair of scissors and when I moved them out of her reach she flipped out, started crying as hard as if she was physically hurt, and then threw herself down on the floor and BIT the carpet in anger! Pam and I were standing next to her and were completely horrified! It was funny, came on SO unexpectedly and fast, and I got down and tried to soothe and calm her and she threw herself at me and bit my shirt! And then she was over it once we distracted her. Totally nuts!
have a high needs temperament? No. But she has a high needs sleeping problem!
Do your read to your child for 20 minutes day- Oh yes, she spends a very high percentage of her day with books!! We love to read to her, she loves to pick out books to bring us to read, and she will sit and "read" books by herself for quite a long time.

DIET

Do you have concerns about your child diet? No, but I do wish she'd eat more sometimes. She will get stuck on a favorite food and stop liking other foods, and I wish she'd just eat everything put in front of her! It would be so much easier. Black/kidney beans, cheese, eggs, peas, bread, and anything covered in tomato sauce are all great choices that she loves. Well, for now at least... And we always try to get her to eat more veggies and fruit, but she isn't into them right now.
What kind of milk does your child drink? My breast milk only!!
How many ounces of juice does your child get a day? None. She drinks lots of water and loves it!
Sippy cup, bottle, or regular cup? Sippy cup and Straw cup.
Feed self with fingers? Yes, and she loves using a spoon and fork too!

DENTAL HEALTH

Do you brush your child't teeth? Yes, but not as often as we should. We are constantly trying to remember to do it.
With water? Yes, only water.

SAFETY

Has your child had any injuries this past year? She's had lots of bumps and bruises. One cut/scrape that bled.
My child's car seat faces forwards or backwards? Backwards, and it will stay that was as long as possible.
Is your child's crib mattress set to its lowest level? Well, it's on the floor next to our mattress in our room. ;)
Is there a swimming pool at or near your home? No
Have you checked the batteries in your smoke detectors and carbon monoxide monitors in the last 6 months? No. I just looked up at where the smoke detector is supposed to be and it's not even there. It's around here somewhere, and the battery works a little too well, which is why we take it down so often. BTW, who installs a smoke detector a few feet away from a gas stove?!?!

SLEEP

Do you have concerns about your child's sleep? Ha. Concerns? No.
Where does your child sleep? Next to us in our bed at night, or alone on our mattress for naps, or in the car.
Does your child sleep through the night? Yes. No. Who knows? Most nights I have no idea. But I'm not bothered by that. :) It's my understanding that babies who co-sleep and breastfeed will usually continue to nurse during the night. So I'm cool with it! Occasionally she will wake up and want to play at 2 or 4 am, and that's when we have a problem.
How many naps does your child take? Usually 2. This last week it's been changing a bit though. Usually she'd nap from 9-10, and 2-3. Roughly those times, but almost always for exactly one hour each nap. But these last few days she's been fighting that morning nap (which used to be the easiest nap, she'd fall asleep SO quickly!) and not napping until 11am, which puts her schedule off. The last 2 days she napped for 1.5 hours, but then didn't take a second nap!!
Does your child snore? No

HEALTH OF FAMILY

Who lives with your child? Me and Pam. So, her moms. :)
Are there any marital, financial or employment stresses at home? Um, yes! (But that's normal, right?!?!)
Are you separated, divorced, or in the process? No
How is your health? Good I think.
How is your spouse or partner's health? Good I think.
Do you work outside your home? Very part time.
If so, what is your occupation? Babysitter!
Does your spouse or partner work outside your home? Yes
If so, what is their occupation? Preschool aide and soccer coach
Do you have help with childcare? Hahaha, no.
Are you involved with playgroups? No.
Does anyone in your house smoke? No!!
Does anyone in your house have issues with alcohol or drugs? No!
Do you feel safe in your own home? Yes.--------------------------------------------------------------

But more on that later... I have an entire post I've been wanting to write about my ridiculous worrying.

Makena's Sesame Street Themed 1st Birthday Party!

My mom bought this outfit, and while it's cute, we had already bought a perfect Sesame Street shirt for Makena to wear to her party. Also, we wanted to focus on the whole Sesame Street group, and not just Elmo. Makena loves this though, and she always wants to hold her Elmo doll when she wears it! lol. But in this photo she's happy with her new straw cup.


On Sunday January 23rd we had Makena's birthday party. We used a rented clubhouse that cost $100 which is fully refundable. Perfect! We needed to find somewhere indoors, because last year it was cold and rainy when Makena was born. But, of course it just happened to be warm and sunny that day!

Here were the invitations, each one was personalized with the name of the guest in the sign-

And this is what the party room looked like after a few hours of decorating and help from my mom and Kansas' moms (who were visiting from Fresno)!

The street signs are my favorite part, I'm sad I didn't take any photos of the ones outside that were strategically taped to lamp posts to lead guests to the party location!

There were Sesame Street books, Sesame Street stuffed animals, even Sesame Street cars for the kids to play with! At the last minute Pam bought a goldfish and appropriately named her Dorothy, just like Elmo's fish!


There was a CD of Sesame Street music playing the whole time, and we even had songs that were personalized and had Elmo singing Makena's name during them!

A close up of the cake I made:

And the cupcakes that Pam made!!

Amazing, huh?!

We also had this awesome Sesame Street ball pit, and it was a huge hit with the kids!

A colorful parachute added another level of fun to the party!

We even played Pin the Nose on Elmo! I wasn't sure if this would work for a group of 6, 11, 12, and 14 month olds... but it did!! The tried to pull it off the wall a few times, but Makena totally stuck the orange oval right onto Elmo's arm! (Her thumb is pushing the sticker down in this photo.)
We also had games for the bigger kids (Makena's cousins)/adults. Some trivia questions about Makena, and everyone got 4 right except for my mom who won with 5 correct.
And a cookie guessing game:


There were 162 cookies in that jar, and Nickel got to take them all home! I asked every guest to sign a page that will some day be in a scrapbook of Makena's birthday parties. :)
Then we had cake:

Makena wasn't too interested in the cake, but she loves the figurines on top! And, as an unexpected bonus, they tasted pretty good too!
She picked the cookie out of his mouth, took a bite, then tried to feed it to Cookie Monster again. lol!
Time to open presents!

The goody bags that we handed out as everyone left. They had a package of Goldfish crackers, a rubber duckie, bubbles, and a crayon-

And before each guest walked out the door we had them take a polaroid photo with the birthday girl!
After everyone left, Makena took a long nap in the car as Pam drove around. I started the clean up and then when she woke up she got to play with the balloons and run around and play with her new Elmo's World pop up play tent!

Later after she was in bed at home, I tooka photo of all the gifts she got. My mom took a photo of my gifts from my 1st birthday. And here, for a comparison:

My gifts, in August of 1983-


And Makena's first birthday gifts. Amazing what a difference 28 years makes!

The party was a huge success. :) It was relaxed yet fun, and Makena had a great time which made all the stress of planning it totally worth it! I'm so excited about all the fun parties I get to plan for her! Can't wait to see what next year brings!

Birthday and 1 year stats!

I'm sitting here eating a slice of cake. A slice of cake from Makena's 1st birthday cake. Oh man, it actually happened. She's ONE YEAR OLD!

On January 20th we woke up all together in our family bed, and went into the living room. Makena had two unwrapped gifts waiting for her on the couch. I asked her "Where's the baby?" and she saw her brand new baby doll and ran over to it and gave it a huge hug and very slobbery kiss!

She also got a little plastic tea set. The teapot is so cute, it sings and teaches manners in a hilariously adorable British accent. lol. But I love how much she loves the baby doll. I couldn't wait for her first birthday to give it to her! I knew she'd love it. I wonder what she'll name the baby some day when she's older and talking...

Then we left the house and dropped Pam off to her class and Makena and I met up with my mom at Hobee's for breakfast. Makena ate scrambled eggs and toast and had a fun time walking around. Then we went to Diddam's party store to grab some last minute supplies. We picked up Pam, and Makena was napping in the car, then we drove to Santana Row to go to to afternoon tea!

The tea parlor didn't have any high chairs. Oops. So Makena mostly sat on our laps. Wait, correction- She mostly wandered around because she refused to sit and wanted nothing to do with the food. Not even her ice cream sundae! Oh well. The yearly tea tradition has started!
We had wanted to buy a little teaspoon from the gift shop, but then at the end they brought us one and said "Happy Birthday!" which was perfect.

Then we killed some time at the book store and Makena found the Sesame Street section...
And had a great time playing with everything. We left and rushed to her 1 year doctor check up.

She weighs 23 lbs, and is 30.5 inches tall. We told her Dr that she had 10 teeth, and as he looked in her mouth he found a 3rd molar, making it 11 teeth!! He said "And here's number 11, wow!" Poor baby has been in teething pain for SO long now, she's always got her fingers yanking at her mouth. We've given her tylenol a few evenings. I brought up to the doctor my slight concern about Makena's lack of verbal skills. Not even a true concern, because I know that some babies focus on either gross motor or fine motor or language skills, and sometimes they lack in the other areas. So I'm not worried, I know she'll talk some day! But it's an observation I've made based on other children her age that I've worked with.

She doesn't "talk" or babble much. Pretty much she communicates by grunting and clapping and then pointing. lol. It's effective, because we respond. His only advice was to talk to her more often and that she'd catch up soon.

Then we stopped at the park on the way home and she played for a while.



And we learned an important lesson. Just because Makena is so advanced in her gross motor skill development, and can walk (and even run!) and climb so well, that doesn't mean we should let her do things that she's too young to do safely. Like go down the slide by herself. She went down about 4-5 times and was having a blast, but then on the last time she tipped to the side and banged her face into the side of the slide on her way down. :(
Luckily it wasn't her eye, but it was a close call! She screamed and screamed and cried for a long time. When she finally calmed down we didn't want to buckle her into her car seat to drive home just a few blocks away, because she would get so upset all over again since she HATES the car seat more than anything else, and all that crying on her birthday just isn't fair. So Pam just held her in the back seat while I drove us home very slowly.

JUST KIDDING! Omg, we would never.

Pam walked home with her and I drove home. :)

For dinner we had plans to go to dinner for another friends birthday, and so Makena took a nice late nap and then we went out to eat. She was a trooper, it was such a long busy day! Went home and fell asleep.

And that's how she spent her 1st birthday! Up next, her birthday party! But she's awake now and wants to play so I must oblige!

2 days till she's 1!

I'm feeling panicky about her birthday. My baby's about to be one year old. It's like this huge important impending date that has all these different feelings and emotions attached to it.

Excitement, joy, disbelief, anxiety, relief, guilt, bewilderment, sadness, anticipation, awe... some of these are obviously much stronger than others, but I do have hints of all of them!

At this time last year I was in labor, and thought I'd have the baby before morning. Little did I know I still had quite some time. I couldn't wait to meet our baby. I wondered if she'd really be a girl after all. I was so worried about believing that the 2 ultrasounds were correct! I had no idea what we'd name the baby. I constantly thought about what she'd look like.

And now she's here, and it's been almost a year of getting to know/falling in love with her. One day she'll be turning 5. Then 13. And some day she'll be 29, older than I am now!

But she's still a baby for the time being.

Quickly learning!

Makena is picking up so many new things!

Tonight we finally got her to say "Mama." She's said it kinda in the past, but never enough for us to fully believe she meant it. Even tonight I don't know if she said "Mama" meaning either Pam or I. But we had been saying it over and over and finally she clearly repeated us.

She will repeat SO many things, and is constantly surprising me with something new.

While sitting on my lap and watching as I uploaded video clips of herself to the computer, she heard my voice in the video say "Aww, give me a kiss!" And she turned around and gave me a kiss for real. She melts me!!

When the video was over she put both hands up and said "uhh!" As in, "What the heck? Why'd the video stop?!" It was so funny and cute.

At the park today, Pam was at the bottom of a slide and I was at the top, and I was about to sit Makena in my lap when she scooted forward and went down the slide all on her own. !!!! She's 11.5 months old, and went down a slide by herself. And not a little baby slide either! This was a high slide, taller than us, on the 5-7 year old section of the playground!

We're always amazed by what she can do.

She will lay down on the changing pad (okay, more often a towel or blanket on the floor in our case) when you pull out a new diaper. If it's a disposable diaper, once you roll it up she will throw it in the trash can. (Pam taught her that trick.)

I was in the kitchen yesterday, and Makena was playing in the livingroom. I kept checking on her every so often, but mostly I could hear her making noise with her toys so I wasn't worried. Then it was silent for a while so I looked at the livingroom but she wasn't there. And I went through the baby gate (which had been open) and checked the hallway but the doors to the bathroom and bedrooms were closed. I walked back into the livingroom, and then noticed she was sitting in her rocking chair that was in the kitchen. Just sitting there, looking adorable and so grown up, just rocking herself, hanging out in the kitchen. I was flabbergasted! She came into the kitchen and climbed up in her chair all without me noticing. lol!

Her birthday is in 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS!

The invitations were mailed today, and they came out great. We are so excited for this party!!