What could've been a tragic day...

Whenever Makena is at the playground I have thoughts of, "What if a dog ran away from it's owner and attacked her? What if she fell off the top of that play structure? What if she lost her footing and slipped down the stairs? What if, what if, what if..."

I'm not sure why I do it. I think I try to imagine the worst so that I'm not blindsided when it happens. As though picturing her falling in my head will prepare me for how to handle it in real life.

Unfortunately it just doesn't work out that way.

We had a busy day on Monday March 19th. We dropped Pam off at work then went shopping for birthday gifts and clothes for Makena. We went home for a bit and then headed to Pump It Up to play. They had a free session for facebook fans. I figured we'd kill some time there and then head to work.

Makena had a blast, the place was practically empty. We bounced and laughed and had a lot of fun. When we left we stopped in the grocery store across the street for a few things. She wanted a bag of trail mix. I let her pick the kind with the fake M&M's. We were about to head to work but got a call that there had been some puking and made the decision to not potentially expose Makena to any germies.

I had a few hours to kill before picking up Pam at work and didn't want to drive back home, so I called my mom. We were going to meet at the park near her house but then I needed to borrow her fridge to put my groceries in. I drove to her place, and then we walked to Eagle Park.

We played for a while, and my mom helped a kid get his shoe out of a tree. 

Then it was time to pack up and go, I was thinking maybe Makena and I would walk over to the library for a bit while my mom went home. We were picking up the sand toys and Makena wanted to go down the slide one more time. She started climbing up the stairs of the big play structure, the one clearly marked for 5-12 year olds. I was half watching her, half talking with my mom. We were only about 10 feet away. Then as she got up higher I realized there were too many kids up there, and I said it looked dangerous and walked over to stand closer. I stood and watched as she stepped on to the high platform. There were about 6 kids up there, I wasn't sure why they weren't going down the slide. I was glad that Makena scooted out of the way and waited her turn to go down the slide. I was concerned that maybe an older kid would cut in front of her, or that they would go down before waiting for the slide to be clear. Makena and I had eye contact. I'm sure I probably smiled and nodded to her, acknowledging that she was doing the right thing by waiting nicely.

I noticed she was back against one of those openings where kids can climb up and down, so I was about to walk under the play structure to stand directly below her. I was worried she might lose her footing or step too close to the edge. 

And then two little boys, perhaps about 5 years old, started to rough house. There was a little scuffle, some pushing and shoving, when suddenly they knocked into Makena and she went flying out the opening. Even though I saw the whole thing, even though I anticipated her possibly falling, even though I was already in motion moving towards her when it happened, I watched in horror as my baby fell. She fell SO FAST. It was about an 8 foot drop, and she fell in a V shape, butt first. As I ran with my arms stretched out the thought crossed my mind, "What will I do, can I catch her?!" But I didn't. About a foot in front of me she landed with a thud.

Her body did a horrible crumble, I still can't shake the image from my mind. She folded in half then whip-lashed and hit her head back on the sand. It happened within a split second, in the moments before I reached her. I was afraid to move her at first, but she was screaming and tried to sit up, so I figured she was okay to be moved. I scooped her up in my arms and sat there rocking her as she cried a terrified painful cry. Then my mom was right there, comforting me, as I comforted Makena. "Shh, it's okay, it's okay." I remember repeating that over and over. My mom asked if she wanted milk, and Makena said yes, so I carried her to a bench and nursed her. We looked her over and she had a bump and redness at the back/bottom of her head near her neck. I texted Pam and told her there was an emergency, that Makena fell from the top of the playground, that she was okay but I think we should go to the doctor. She replied immediately, which is rare. "Come get me." I called the doctor and told them what happened, and they said to come right in. We had to walk back to my parents apartment, then I had to buckle Makena in her car seat and drive to get Pam. I was worried about the drive. Worried Makena would fall asleep and lose consciousnesses as I drove. She was already tired, we had a long day and she didn't nap. I was a wreck driving, totally distracted and having a hard time concentrating. I kept checking her in the mirror and talking to her to make sure she was awake. I got to Pam and she drove to the doctors office while I sat in the back.

In the waiting room Makena was acting like her normal self. Laughing and playing and walking around. The doctor did a quick check and said she was fine. He didn't say she needed an x-ray or anything. He asked if she threw up more than twice. He looked at her eyes to check for dilation. He watched her run down the hallway. He said there wasn't any swelling or redness anywhere, and that a bruise might show up but maybe not. He said she is young and flexible which is good, she landed on her butt which is good, and she landed in sand, which is good. He told us that as long as she can be roused after sleeping she's fine. I joked that Makena typically wakes at least twice between going to bed and when I join her.

We left relieved and decided to go to CPK for dinner. Then we let Makena pick out a mini cupcake (she chose chocolate on chocolate) and she happily devoured it.

After her bath she fell asleep like normal, while I nursed her in bed. I went to bed feeling so thankful that what could've been a tragic day was just a lesson. A lesson I'm still trying to figure out, but a lesson indeed.