- Makena continues to be so incredibly amazing that I just can't believe it sometimes! I try to tell myself that all parents feel this way about their kids. Everyone thinks their kid is the most awesome thing ever. But I mean really, MAKENA IS SO FREAKIN AWESOME! I can't imagine getting so lucky as to have another kid as fantastic as she is. What if we got a kid that was super difficult or hated hugs or something?! Sure, we'd love the kid, but would we always be thinking "Dude, we should've stopped after Makena because no kid could ever compare!!" She's so sweet, and silly, and loving, and thoughtful, and smart, and kind, and funny, and beautiful, and I could go on and on about how good she is through and through and how happy she makes me. I have several moments every single day when I scream, "Omg I love her so much!" inside my head. I was laying next to her in bed the other night and she started talking in her sleep. She was asking for a kiss, and making kiss noises in her sleep! "More kiss, more kiss mommy!" I woke her up and asked, "Do you want a kiss?" and then we kissed and she fell asleep and I melted to bits.
- We are hoping we will be moving soon, an opportunity to rent an adorable cottage opened up and although there are some cons (it's smaller, higher utility costs because they are shared with the main house it sits behind, history of a bug problem, no bathtub, no dishwasher) after careful thought we believe the pros outweigh the cons. It's got a big private back yard, it's 1 mile from Pam's work eliminating her need of our car those days, has a washer and dryer in the basement, and it's just such a quaint special place. We could be really happy there, but we feel we won't be selected. At least I hope if we don't get it that my parents do! We'll see. We've already started imagining living there and I'm trying to stay open and positive but I'm already feeling pretty bummed that my hopes got up. Right now we are just waiting for a call back from the landlord so we can submit our application.
- I joined a new website where you get a box of kids clothes shipped to you every month. Because I was one of the first 100 customers they gave us an awesome referral incentive, and now I get a year of free clothes for Makena! Super exciting. We are always in need of clothes for her, and it's so fun to open the box and see what goodies she got. I've taken to being slightly obsessed with some Gymboree lines of clothes, and they are so darn expensive that it's dumb to buy them at retail prices. Well, it's dumb when we have bills that need to be paid and can't afford to buy gas. ($4.50 a gallon, again?!?!) So now I scour used clothing sites and ebay and piece together outfits. There is also a consignment store near us where I've sold some of Makena's things to earn credits. I sell stuff online too, and keep that money in my paypal account so I can use it to purchase stuff for her online.
- I want to touch on the fact that I still, 2 years later, have those same moments of panic that I've written about before. Horrible things happen every day. Children get kidnapped. Accidents happen. Really terrible evil things happen. I know this, and I've known this for a long time. It's a part of life. We just do our best to carry on and try to stay safe. But it still happens. And now that I'm a mom the thought that something awful could happen to Makena literally hurts my brain. I start to play these ridiculous what if games in my head and it gets crippling so I make myself not dwell too much. Sometimes I wonder if I'm on the verge of a panic attack, I'll be driving on the highway and imagine a car flipping over the divide and landing on us, and I think through these horrid scenarios in detail (the car is upside down and on fire and I'm trying to unbuckle Makena from her seat and she's screaming and I can't do it and people are pulling me away from the car) and I have to make myself stop thinking about it. Pam will take her to the park and I'll think "What if they get hit by a car on the way there? What if Pam has to tell me that Makena didn't make it? How would I react in that moment? How could I ever go on with my life, and why would I want to?!" I took a shower the other day and put Mickey Mouse on for Makena to watch, and as I was shampooing my hair I thought about someone breaking into our apartment and taking her, and how she's so young that she doesn't know how to get help or even say her name clearly. She could grow up in another family and never even know me. Never have a single memory of me. Sometimes I want to tattoo her with "PROPERTY OF KATY" That sounds awful, right? Of course I don't actually want to tattoo her, but it does terrify me that she could be gone and never know how to find her way back. It's not fun at all to have these thoughts. Thankfully they are few and far between. Well I don't know about that, I'd say at least twice a week I'll think this stuff. I'm not sure if there is a normal level to compare this to. But I take comfort in knowing other moms who have admitted thinking similar things. Heck, even Pam tells me stories of thoughts she's had. I'm not sure if that's what people mean when they say you worry all the time when you have a kid. I definitely wasn't prepared for this part of parenting.
- Did I mention that on February 1st she had another febrile seizure? We had a busy day, dropped Pam at work in the morning, ran some errands and came home, she didn't nap and then we went to work at 2. I guess that's a normal M/W/F day for us actually. She played and had a great time, and we left to go pick up Pam at 5pm. She was about to nod off when we pulled in to Pam's work, so she sat in the back with her on our drive home. As we got closer to home Makena was really really trying to fall asleep, and Pam was losing her battle of trying to keep her awake. We got home and I started to get dinner ready and Makena was crying and wanted to be held. I picked her up and she started to fall asleep in my arms as I put a pot of water on to boil. I passed her to Pam and then it dawned on us... the lethargy, the eyes staring, the slow quiet answers to our questions, the flushed cheeks and warm body. We suddenly knew she had a fever before we even got the thermometer out. She was acting the same exact way she was a year ago when she had that awful first febrile seizure. 101.7, immediate fever reducer medicine, a call to the advice nurse, pacing around trying to figure out if we should bring her to the ER, arguing over letting her sleep or not. It was getting close to impossible to keep her eyes open. I was freaking out. I knew she was tired. She generally is on days she doesn't nap. But she doesn't act like that. She gets whiny and sometimes loopy and loud, typical overtired behavior. This was scary. Scary because she wouldn't look at me when I called her name. Scary because her head kept slumping over. Scary in the way where I was afraid if she fell asleep she'd pass out and never wake up again. I called my mom to come over and bribed Makena with talk of Grandmo coming to play. I was hoping she'd perk up as usual and then go to bed after eating dinner. Nope, mom came over and Makena still wanted to sleep. I finally agreed to nurse her on the couch, and she immediately fell asleep. Pam held her and watched her while I researched a few things. (Allergic reaction to probiotics? She had a yogurt smoothie with them for the first time.) While Pam held her she twitched a few times, but she slept and her fever went down a bit. We went to the doctor and she was fine. He wasn't concerned. 2 days later she developed a strange rash on the backs of her knees. By that evening it was on her thighs and arms and on Feb 5th she had a couple blister looking bumps around her mouth, and on her hands, fingers, and toes. We also saw what looked like a cold sore on her gums. We're pretty sure it was Hand Foot and Mouth disease, and a few days later Colin came down with it so although Makena wasn't actually diagnosed, we feel certain that's what it was. At least that explained the fever!! Phew. Having a kid is ROUGH.
- To end on a happy note, we finger painted for the first time a couple days ago! For Christmas she got these awesome all natural paints, made from berries and basil and stuff. They are powder, and you mix in water and voila! Finger paints! Makena was not crazy about it at first. She kept asking for a paintbrush. I showed her how to get messy with it and she finally started to have fun. Although she did want me to wash her fingers after each color. Lol.
I can't believe she slept this whole time I wrote this!! I'm sure I just jinxed myself so I'm going to sign off now. ;)
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