Oh my, I have a LOT to update! This is going to be a long one.
I'm not sure where to begin, there's a lot to cover and this might jump around out of order.
I'll start by saying that we have a new (furry) family member!! We got him on 8/15, the day before my birthday! It was Clear The Shelters Day, which I saw advertised as a free pet adoption day, so we went to two different locations to check out the kitties. Makena was really smitten with him, and her opinion really mattered since she's skittish with pets. She really wanted to take him home, so we jumped in! We decided his birthday is 6/6/15. He became terrified the moment we brought him home, and it was a rough few days giving him personal space when we just wanted to cuddle him. Eventually he came around though, and now he's silly, rambunctious, cautious with new people, and EXTREMELY tolerant of Hadley's enthusiastic hugs. He has a cat tree that he can escape to for some time alone, he likes to keep an eye on the action and will sometimes come over to Hadley to play! Makena likes to play with the laser pointer with him, and even though she still frequently yelps in fear when he runs across her path or jumps up next to her unexpectedly, occasionally I'll spot her gently petting him while he sleeps.
In other big news, we have a KINDERGARTNER! School was a pretty stressful topic for a while. I'm not completely comfortable with public school as a whole, and have always loved the idea of homeschooling. (Actually I love the idea of unschooling even more, but that's a different ballgame.) Luckily we have a really fantastic parent participation school in our district, there is so much interest in it that they have a lottery to see who gets to attend. We went to all the information meetings and events, and were crossing our fingers that Makena would get in.
For me it felt like a good compromise. She'd still be in a public school, but I'd get the chance to be heavily involved and am a fan of their project based curriculum and unique programs. On the other hand, she'd be left in a classroom with many other students for a lot of hours every day. For some kids this might not be a problem, I admit that I'd prefer half-day kindergarten (and less school time for all grades!), but for Makena? I was VERY concerned about how she would navigate her emotions around this huge change. I know her well enough to make a well educated guess that she would hold herself together just fine in class, quietly following all directions and not causing any trouble at all. But at the end of the day when I picked her up to go home I think she would completely fall apart into a puddle of emotion. Only to repeat this pattern over and over. I feared her health would suffer, that the stress of spending all that energy being "perfect" at school and the challenge of peer interaction would send her over the edge. It just felt so very wrong to force her into a situation where I didn't think she would thrive.
Pam didn't agree. She thought Makena would be fine anywhere. She's an easy going, good-natured kid, and we also attended our local neighborhood school info night and Pam thought it would be great for Makena. (Side note: that is the elementary school I attended, and it's a wonderful school. I just don't think it would be a good match for Makena.) We had many discussions about what to do, while we anxiously awaited the letter that would announce our fate. I wanted to homeschool Makena for kindergarten if she didn't get into the school we put down as our first choice, and Pam wasn't completely comfortable with that idea. The letter came and I was devastated that she was #18 on the waitlist. It seemed like with those odds she wouldn't get to attend. I cried. I cried and panicked and if I was the praying type I would've prayed hardcore. I relented that fine, we could send her to the neighborhood school, even though in my heart it felt like a terrible mistake. Pam said if anything bad happened we could just take her out of school, but I wasn't worried so much about some*thing* happening, as I was about the experience as a whole being too much for her.
I took time to explore my feelings more in depth. I made my case, and once I was able to more eloquently state the reasons why I felt homeschooling would benefit Makena more, Pam agreed. Besides, there is a wonderful homeschool program offered though our school district, so we met with the support teacher and learned more. Makena would attend a science/community class (in a classroom at a local elementary school) once a week with the other 11 kids in the program. Another day of the week would be spent at the off-site art class. And we would take at least 2 field trips each month, with plenty of other opportunities for community building events. Plus there are twice monthly individual meetings with the teacher to go over anything we want to discuss and submit paperwork. I liked the teacher right away and felt it was a blessing in disguise that Makena didn't get into the first choice school. All along we had kept Makena in the loop and she was a bit disappointed to know she didn't get in, but more excited about homeschooling. So we enrolled her in the program and I breathed a sigh of relief that we wouldn't have such a stressful year ahead.
Of course that meant I needed to figure what to do for homeschooling, but I felt very much at ease because for 1, Makena is smart and enjoys learning. 2, kindergarten isn't even mandatory here so it was pretty much just for fun. 3, it's kindergarten, nothing intense, and besides the amount of actual work that gets done in a classroom is so minuscule compared the the amount of hours kids spend at school. 4, I had the support of an already formed homeschooling community through the program we enrolled in, which includes a resource teacher (who does all the legal paperwork on my behalf), all the curriculum we need, plus all paid field trips and activities.
So we were all set! I even volunteered at a huge homeschool convention to get a little crash course. It was so great to meet people and chat about homeschooling and I witnessed the kindest most thoughtful children. I've been around a LOT of kids, of all ages. But these kids were different. They interacted with everyone the same way, from babies, to their peers, to adults. They didn't stick to playing with their own sex or gender, and it was so refreshing to see. I even got to attend a lecture about kids who struggle with perfectionism, which I learned a lot from. I picked up a few strategies for helping support Makena, so when she tries to write a D and accidentally writes a B, instead of trying to convince her that "it's fine, no big deal, just calm down and do it over and it'll be fine" a better response would be "you are very upset and worried that you ruined the whole paper. It is disappointing that after all of the hard work you did now there's a mistake."
Here's a great reminder for me-
"Acceptance is the missing element in shifting perfectionism from an anxiety-ridden malady to a gift of excellence. Once she knows it’s OK to be the way she is (no matter what that is), she can naturally start to relax about it.
Validation can make a big difference fast! Validation is not agreement or encouragement. It is understanding that sounds like this:
“You really wanted that to be perfect! You tried so hard and still messed up. You are afraid that everything is ruined. No wonder you are upset! That’s not how you wanted it!”
The rules for validation are: no fixing, no judging (good or bad), no teaching, no questions. This is the step of connection. You can’t change her mind, but with validation, she can.
Total validation allows people to drop their defenses and start to look inward for the thoughts and beliefs that are creating the feelings of pressure. When those thoughts and beliefs are finally found and validated, your daughter will be on the path to some much needed relief and self-acceptance, and be more open to seeing perfectionism as a strength."
Okay, so we were all set to homeschool! First Makena had to "graduate" from preschool! They practiced the little promotion ceremony and after all the parents gathered they walked into the room and one by one were called up to sit with the teachers. They said some really sweet things about each kid and handed them some goodies.
This is the scrapbook I made for her-
This is the plate she made-
And then it was SUMMER BREAK!!!!
Makena made a bucket list of all the things she wanted to do over summer.
We did a lot of it, but not everything. And of course we did lots of other fun stuff that wasn't on the list. One super awesome experience was getting to attend a day camp. Makena was lucky enough to be gifted several days of camp from a friend/old coworker of mine who works there. After I contacted her to say how much Makena enjoyed the animation activity at a local camp fair we attended she offered us the free days. I was thrilled but hesitant. We didn't have a NEED for Makena to attend camp, and she certainly didn't want to attend without me there. But I had a long phone conversation and we discussed her questions and concerns, and we even got to meet with the camp director for ice cream beforehand. Makena was excited and I was excited she'd get this opportunity!
This camp was great, we got to take it nice and slow. First of all we were allowed to arrive and leave whenever we wanted, which worked so well with our varying car availability. We didn't have to rush out the door or stress about it. And they provided snacks and lunch! One less thing to worry about. We met with Makena's camp leader and she was very sweet. I'm sure I came across as being overbearing at times, since I was there so often, but everyone seemed comfortable with my presence! I love that at this camp parents are allowed (and welcomed) to walk their kids in and help get them settled. I even stayed with Makena twice over lunch time, and they offered me food! (Anyone who offers me food is seriously my BFF.)
Makena quickly figured out the ideal times to be at camp. She absolutely hated the all camp activities, saying they were boring and that she felt confused about what to do and where to go. She also didn't like the games because she didn't want to participate and it was too loud and chaotic. Her favorite part was being free to choose the activities she wanted to do, and coming and going between them on her own. I was surprised at first by that, I thought she would feel lost and just stand in one place afraid to move. But now it makes sense, she didn't have to talk to anyone, she could just pick a different room/activity whenever she wanted.
She liked the style studio, and the animation studio. Bread making was also a hit. Here she is in a dress she made, with bags and bread she made!
There were times when it was frustrating that she needed me to walk her into camp. But I could tell it was making her nervous to walk by herself into a crowd and get her bearings. The difficult part was mostly Hadley, who was eager to run around and play. I often was trying to get her to nap but the timing was off, and I admit to getting annoyed with Makena on a couple occasions because it would have been so convenient to just drop her off! The camp has a check in/check out policy where we could leave midday and then return, but it bothered me to spend 20 minutes getting Makena settled in, then come back to check on her 1.5 hours later (which was when a transition period happened that she wasn't comfortable with) then sometimes she wanted me to stay for lunch, or to leave then, and I would bargain with her that she could hang out with me and Hadley for the hour and then return to the camp. But oh man that was a lot of driving around. So yeah, some parts of our experience were a huge pain, but I learned a lot about Makena those days.
I would sometimes spy on her while she was there, and I watched her quietly doing her own thing, rarely interacting with any children but sometimes talking to the leaders. The director and I communicated often, checking in about how she was doing and giving me heads up about any changes. The last week of camp had a huge bump in enrollment, so there were many new kids and also more staff. I happened to be there one day and was watching Makena through a doorway. She was laying on a bean bag chair, the same spot she had been in 30 minutes prior, while kids around her played. My heart was aching for her. She looked lonely and out of place and uncomfortable. But I didn't go to her. I just watched to see what else she would do. Suddenly an announcement was made for everyone to go to the field for an all camp game. Makena stood up and panicked. I saw her whole body tense and crumble, and she burst into tears. Kids were running excitedly out of the door and she spotted me. I tried to give her an encouraging look but she continued to freak out and came darting into my arms, sobbing uncontrollably. We found a quiet spot and I asked what was wrong. She didn't want to talk, but eventually she told me that she panicked because she didn't know where I was and she didn't want to have someone tell her it was time to go outside, since she didn't want to participate in the game. I told her that she didn't HAVE to, that she was allowed to tell them that she didn't feel like it, but she said, exasperated, "I know, but I didn't want to have to talk to anyone about it!"
It was becoming painfully clear to me that we had made the right choice to homeschool her.
Which is ironic, because just a week before the start of school we got a phone call that her spot on the wait list was open, and if we wanted her to attend the amazing parent participation elementary school, she could.
AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was shocked. We didn't anticipate that at all. After everything up to that point, I couldn't imagine sending her there. Especially not on such short notice!! Makena would need time to process it. Pam and I discussed it briefly and agreed we would stay with the homeschool plan, but we told Makena that she could decide. She didn't want to discuss it at all. She froze a bit and said "But we already talked about it and I'm only going to do homeschool!" So that settled it! Of course we don't want her feeling like she's missing out on something, so it was crucial that she was part of the decision making process. It's hard because she's young and can't fully see all the pros and cons of each option, and being home with mom obviously sounds better! I couldn't believe we were going to give up our coveted spot. But I really feel like keeping her home for at least this year was important for her emotional development. Dropping her off with a group of kids and a teacher she doesn't know for long days full of transitions and chaos just seems like too much for her right now. It just doesn't feel right to put her in a situation that isn't the right fit, when the option to homeschool is available and something I'm excited about! And she's my wonderful silly thoughtful little girl, who I love spending time with. Win-win!
Right around when all this was going on I saw a post on Facebook about a job opportunity that looked intriguing. I applied, and through the long application process became more and more excited about it. And then I was officially hired! I'm thrilled to say I'm now a Tinkergarten leader! I get to lead outdoor classes for kids and their grown ups, and I'm having so much fun with it. It's very part-time, and my kids are welcome to join me in the class. Makena likes to come be my helper, and my mom was watching Hadley for me since she's not as inclined to stay in one place. I just finished my first session, and I love that I get to decide how much I want to work. I'm on a break now with the busy holidays coming up, and I'm excited to start again in January. I really enjoy being in a teaching role again. And it's such a great supportive team to be a part of, plus I get to make a little money while feeling like I'm contributing in a meaningful way in my community!
And speaking of new jobs, Pam found an amazing new position! After a long time of looking and hoping for something great she deserved, she is now a school manager at a very nearby private school. It's so nice having her home every day before 5pm! She doesn't have to rush around to several different jobs, and she is really enjoying it which is so awesome. We are really happy, it feels like she finally got a break!! I love that she is happy there, and she also gets school vacation time so that's an added bonus! It's only a couple miles away, so she rides her bike sometimes. Unfortunately there isn't a bus that goes directly there without a transfer, plus it takes a ridiculous amount of time to go a pretty short distance, so that doesn't seem like a viable option. We mostly drive her on the days that we need the car, but then it's hard to kill time and keep Hadley occupied until we are ready for our plans. Anyways, 2 moms working jobs they enjoy... things are looking up for our household!!
So, our school year started, and it's going great! I was planning on being organized with themes every week and a daily schedule and all that. Buuuuuuuut that just hasn't happened. And what we are doing seems to be working! We feel very busy, and I quickly found out that homeschooling is a bit of a misnomer since we rarely seem to be home!! Tuesdays we have science class with the rest of our group. They are a very sweet bunch of kids ranging from K-8th grade. I love seeing how well they play together. The first few days were rough and Makena was VERY weepy and timid and I'm pretty darn sure she's got some anxiety issues. I was a bit of a wreck when I made that realization. I imagined a life of struggles ahead for her, and all I want is for her to be happy and healthy and confident. But now I have better insight on how to help her cope, and I feel like just having a few tools up my sleeves has already made a difference.
As far as schoolwork goes, Makena can be such a perfectionist that she has a hard time when things go wrong. Writing a letter backwards is enough to make her want to crumple the whole paper and cry. That can be frustrating for both of us. The actual requirements of paperwork that we have to submit is pretty low, so I've been trying to keep things simple for her sake. Makena likes to play pretend school, where I act like a teacher and she sits at a little step stool pretending it's a desk. It can be tricky with Hadley, she hasn't been napping these days which is very difficult! She used to take these great long naps and Makena and I would have time to play games and play and do schoolwork.
Speaking of my darling Hadley! This little one brings us all so much joy! She is fierce and funny and always on the go! She says so many more words than Makena did at this age. I can't believe she's almost 2 years old.
She's not even close to being potty trained. She pays no mind to requests to look at something, to stop doing something, to come here, etc. Unless she wants to! You just never know, she does her own thing! She loves trains and planes and doggies and kitty cats and bugs. She has started playing pretend a little, today she was walking around with her hand by her ear saying hello and bye bye. She likes when you pretend to sleep and then she says "night night!" and you surprise her and "wake up" and she laughs. She shrieks with laughter often. She also shrieks with anger. She recently learned how to jump and knows almost all her body parts. (I like that she knows elbow!) She asks for "nil" which is her word for milk, aka nursing. Sometimes she will pull Pam's hand to make her get up from the rocking chair and then pull me over to sit, climb onto my lap, and start nursing. Books don't keep her attention for too long, unless she's on her potty when she requests books. Her favorites are the "That's Not My___" ones, or any books with textures inside them to feel.
Lately she's really been attached to this yellow stuffed duck that a family friend gave to Makena for Easter one year when she was little. And Makena is fine with letting Hadley take it around with her when we go in the car, because Makena hardly ever makes fusses about stuff like that. She is so patient with her little sister. Sometimes she goes into the other room to play, and sometimes she gets frustrated by Hadley messing stuff up, but mostly she's so loving and gentle with her! She can tell I get frustrated by Hadley being a handful and offers to help distract her while I make dinner or whatever.
For the longest time Hadley was calling me "Mmm-hmm" as in, the noise you might make for saying "yes". It was humorous but also annoying. She would point to each of us, "Mama, Nya-nya (Makena), Mmm-hmm!" But now she's calling me Mommy ("Mah-mee!") and it's just the cutest thing when your baby calls you Mommy!!
I'm going to finish up this post now because it's been several days in the making. I want to do a post about all the fun we had over summer. Look for that in about 6 months. Lol. ;)
