Co-sleeping

I couldn't wait to have a baby and when I was pregnant I couldn't wait to have a crib. Getting the crib set up and putting on the sheets was such a huge milestone. We were ready! The baby would have a place to sleep! Standing in her room I'd look around and think, "This is our baby's room, this is the door we'll open when we hear her cry and wake up. This is the changing table where we'll put on her clean diapers and clothes. This is the crib we'll reach into and lift her out."

When Makena was born I knew she wouldn't be sleeping in that crib for a while. We'd sleep with her tiny body between us in bed. A couple weeks, or maybe a couple months, we weren't sure exactly when we'd put her in her crib, but we definitely planned to at some point. But the months went on, and then she started to roll over and crawl. And we've had to re-think our thoughts on cribs. What is the point of a crib exactly?

crib (kr b) n. 1. A bed with high sides for a young child or baby

So it's a place for babies to sleep. But why do we put babies in a crib... because it's safer? Baby can't be smothered by a parent or blankets? Baby can't roll out and fall onto the floor?

Or is it because it's convenient? An older child can't simply walk away and play with toys instead of napping. It's a place to attach the mobile. It's a beautiful piece of furniture. It completes baby's room- you can't have a bedroom without a bed!

But why? Why a crib? Why not bed with Mom? I've been really consumed with these questions for a while now. I'm not sure if I believe that cribs are the safest place for a baby to sleep. Everything you read says that babies need to sleep in a crib, on their backs, without anything near them so they don't die. Pretty serious stuff! But when you dig deeper, and read actual studies about baby sleep deaths, the numbers don't quite match up. Kinda like the whole vaccine issue. On the surface it looks like one thing, but as you research more your mind can be changed. Then again, like most things you'll find completely conflicting evidence. I think the bottom line is that you will probably dismiss anything that doesn't please your point of view. But I digress.

So we've been co-sleeping since day one. And it feels like home now.

Makena eats dinner at 6pm. When she's done, one of us starts the bath and gets in, then the other one brings in Makena. She takes a bath, splashes in her seat, and is washed. Then whoever isn't in the tub with her gets her out and brings her into the bedroom to dry off on a towel on the bed. The other mom gets out of the tub and gets on her pj's. Then we get Makena in her pj's and
read stories while she chews on her toothbrush.

Lights out, Pam leaves the room. I lay down with Makena and nurse her. When she's done, I motion for Pam (who is in the living room watching the monitor) to come get her. I give Makena a goodnight kiss then pass her over. Pam takes her into our bedroom and holds her and walks around in the dark until she falls asleep. Then she places her on our bed, which is still on the floor of her room. (There is her perfectly beautiful empty crib! And the monitor is pointing down at the bed. Also, in this photo I don't know why it looks like her armoire is tilted...)

We both glance at the monitor every so often to make sure she hasn't woken up, because she usually doesn't make a sound but she'll sit up in bed and try to crawl and fall off the mattress.

Around 30 minutes after she's fallen asleep she typically stirs, but she falls back to sleep on her own. We try to always give her the chance to get herself back to sleep before we rush in. But sometimes she cries out or flails around, so we go put the pacifier in her mouth and she grabs onto our arm or hand and falls asleep within seconds. Some nights this repeats a few times, but most nights one of us goes to bed with her and she sleeps better that way.

I get under the blanket and she instinctively moves towards me. I curl myself around her soft warm little body. The white noise machine is on, I hear the "waterfall" sounds and it drowns the TV from the other room. I can feel the rise and fall of her chest next to my body. I hear her breathing. I smell her sweet breath. I feel her light as a feather hair brushing against my cheek.

The draft from the window, the pitch black room, the cold of the sheets, the roar of a car speeding by outside... I'm so thankful she isn't alone in this room, alone in her crib.

Her body fits perfectly snug against my chest and stomach, her first home. She turns and reaches out for me, her fingers brushing across my shirt. She stops when they feel my skin, be it my arm or face, she knows she is home. After a few minutes of soaking up how wonderful it is, I scoot her over to the center of the bed and turn over, making sure a part of my body still touches her. I fall asleep knowing that the most important thing is just inches away.

This is where I belong. This is where she belongs. Mothers all over the world sleep with their babies. It's the natural thing to do. Why did we start putting them in cribs to sleep? When were they pushed from our bed? And when and why were they banished to a whole separate room?!

Granted, if Makena was a deep heavy good sleeper, I'm sure she'd be in her crib by now. Or would she? I didn't expect to fall in love with bed sharing. But there are a lot of things I've changed my mind about since she's entered my life. My only advice to any new mom would be to do whatever is right and works well for your family!

People often ask me "Don't you worry that you'll roll onto her?" And no, I really don't. I do, however, worry about her getting smothered in the blankets. And her and Pam snuggle very close together while sleeping, and that worries me at times. I'm just not a sleeping cuddler...I need my space. But if, heaven forbid, anything were to ever happen, I'd feel better knowing she was close to her mom (be it Pam or I) and wasn't all alone by herself in a cold bare crib. When people are dying don't they always want to be in their own home, in bed, surrounded by those they love? So as horrifying as that thought is, I feel more comfortable with the fact that at least she'd be next to us.

I kinda feel the same way about riding in the car. One of us always sits in the back seat with her. People think that's totally crazy, but for one, Makena isn't usually a good passenger and when one of us is bath there, she cries less. Also, if we were to get into a crash, how terrifying it would be to know she's in the back seat all alone. You can't even see her face from the front seat, since she's facing backwards. Sure we have a mirror, but in a crash I'm assuming that would be useless, as it's designed to fall back and not smash into the face of the baby. So one of us sits with her, and would be there holding her hand in a worst case scenario.

Are we ridiculous? Perhaps. But this is what works for us.

Now back to sleeping...
She almost always wakes up at least once during the night, sometimes twice. There are some mornings that I wake up and have no memory of if/when she woke. Did she sleep through the night? Or did I just never fully wake and nursed her in my sleep? This is so easy. There have been some rough nights, sure. But over 98% of the time our nights are bliss! We are not sleep deprived in the slightest. In her 9 months I think we've had maybe 2-3 nights that we wanted to pull our hair out. And they were EASY nights compared to the annoyance of having to get up and rock baby to sleep and falling asleep in rocking chairs and all those stories you hear about. Since she was a tiny newborn, Makena has slept very well during the night. We can't complain at all!

I know that babies who co-sleep wake up more frequently so they can nurse during the night. And I like that! The more breast milk she consumes, the healthier she is. And since her night feedings don't affect me at all, I can't complain. If I had to get up out of bed, walk down the hall, pick her up, feed her, stay awake long enough to put her back in the crib, and get back into bed...holy crap. No wonder nighttime sleep is an issue for so many parents!

But not for us. It's naps we could use help with. ;)

Sleeping habits these days.

Sometime in August we moved our mattress to the floor of Makena's room. Our hope was to get her to sleep at night in her crib, but we'd still be super close by. She spent a couple nights in her crib, but I found it too much of a hassle to get up and get her to nurse in the middle of the night, and stay awake to put her back in. If she slept soundly through the night I'd consider having her sleep in her crib for sure. But I really truly love sleeping next to her warm soft little body. It just feels right. (I would like to have our bed be in our room, and free up the space for Makena to have room to play on her floor, but it's safest to have our mattress on the floor. Maybe we need to consider putting our bed and frame in storage and putting the mattress on our bedroom floor...hmm...)

Naps were still happening only in my arms after I nursed her, like it had been since the nay she was born. But then in September we tried seeing what would happen if I nursed her in the bed and then got up after she was asleep. That's what we do for bed time, so I'm not sure why we never considered it for naps. And, not too shockingly, it worked!!

Makena now takes 2 or 3 naps a day, for about an hour each. I lay down with her, nurse, and she either rolls over and falls asleep or I pop her off after she's fallen asleep, or I give her the pacifier and she falls asleep. Only she's been teething for about a week now, and very fussy so I've had to hold her and walk around/rock her to sleep. But the second her eyes close I can lay her on the bed and walk away. I suppose I could lay her in the crib, but she's used to the bed and sleeps better on it. Plus, if she stirs or cries out I can go lay down next to her and soothe her until she falls back to sleep. Hey, whatever it takes!!

Sometimes I take a morning nap with her. But usually I get up and eat, play on the computer, load the dishwasher, get dinner prepped, or whatever. I keep my eye on the monitor, because Makena rarely makes a peep when she wakes up. She'll just start to move, and then sit up, and then crawl towards the door. And since she's just on the mattress (even though it's only a foot off the floor) I don't want her tumbling off so I rush in and get her.


Right now she isn't sleeping well at all, she keeps crying and tossing and turning. :( She's been teething and the last few weeks have been tough. We get a few BAD days, then a little break, then more bad days. Ugh! Those top middle teeth are coming, and I hope they get here soon so she feels better! We even gave her some Motrin the other day because she was so miserable. She has her hands grabbing in her mouth all the time, and is clingy and weepy. Poor baby! A couple weeks ago she was so upset and had missed a nap and she was also on a terrible nursing strike (that was AWFUL. On 9/27 she was teething badly and bit down on my nipple as I tried to get her to latch on, and I yelled out in pain and pushed her away. She giggled. But then refused to nurse again...and it lasted 4 days. Every time I tried she'd just bite me and pull away. I was a mess. I had to pump and she didn't take a bottle so we gave her my milk in her sippy cup and with a medicine dropper. Then on the 30th I spoke to a lactation consultant and she gave me some tips and it worked! She nursed that night and has since) and I was at work and when the boys took a nap Makena finally was able to relax and she fell asleep in my arms as I walked around the house.

It's so nice to hold your baby as they sleep. It's just so nice. As much as I love that she naps by herself now, and it gives me a MUCH needed break, I love the chance to hold her while she sleeps. So many moms don't get the chance to hold their babies all day long, whenever they want to. But I do. And I like taking advantage of that!!

I think it's time for me to get to bed. It's after 11pm. Pretty late!! I keep checking the monitor and my empty spot of the family bed is calling to me. Besides, Makena will probably be waking up for her midnight snack soon. Not every night, but most nights she's up at midnight and 3 ish. Then awake for the day at 6am. But, since I'm literally 6 inches away from her, I don't even fully wake up. I roll over, feed her, and don't even remember falling asleep again. And the other night she slept from 8pm-5am. Maybe she'll do the same tonight?!

Eh, maybe not. She's moving around. I'm going to bed. :)

Makena loves...

I wrote an update when Makena was 4.5 months old about the things she loves, and I want to keep a record of her favorite things as the months go by! So here it is, a list of things that our 8.5 month old baby girl loves! (Note that some are the same favorites from when she was a "baby!")

Her sippy cup. Or really any cup!
But actually more than the cup, she loves the water inside it! Makena will drink water all day long. She loves using her own cup, but also loves taking sips from real cups. If I get myself a drink of water she automatically assumes it's for her and pants and squeals happily in anticipation. And it works, because I usually will give her a sip or two! (Babies are SO good at training adults!!) If I have a cup of juice or iced tea or something, and won't give her a drink, she gets quite annoyed with me and will whine and try to grab for my cup until I get it out of her sight or distract her.

Donte. And pictures of cats!
She lights up when Donte walks by and meows. She loves to stand in front of him (he's usually sitting up on the chair) and try to grab him. And he is SO GOOD with her. He just turns his head and inches away, but tolerates her pulling his hair and hitting him until a few minutes go by and he finally decides he's had enough. The whole time we're praising him for being such a good boy and trying to get Makena to "be gentle!" But nevertheless she ends up with a fistful of cat hair. Poor guy!

Laughing.
Makena loves to laugh. She cracks herself up! She'll be crawling around and just going "Ha...ha...ha!" It's really adorable. :) I'm so happy that she's such a happy smiley laughing baby!!

Her Fisher Price Laugh and Learn Farm.
I had wanted to buy it for her since I was pregnant! I talked about it all the time, and kept waiting for the price to drop. Then for my birthday I received it as a gift. :) Yay! And it's one of her favorite toys, she literally plays with it every single day. She can turn the light switch on and off, swing the door open and closed, pick the veggies, push the light on, flip the pages in the photo album, turn the pig's belly, and stand up and touch the chicken! I can't wait to see her learn how to feed the cow, turn the radio dial, slide the window back and forth, and drop the eggs down the chute. There is so much fun in this one toy!!!!

Pulling all the movies and books down. Or taking anything OUT from anywhere.
We've finally barricaded off her access to the bookshelf, but I'm sure eventually she'll make it over there again! She can't handle seeing something full when she wants it to be empty. A bin full of toys? Every toy must be out. A container of blocks? Each block needs to be out. A shelf of linens? A laundry basket? The diaper bag? A container of wipes? All are emptied in seconds if she gets her hands on them!

Standing.
She started by pulling up and then tentatively letting go with one hand... and soon the second hand followed and she's quickly grab on again......but now she will stand up all alone for a really long time, and even bend her legs and bounce up and down excitedly. When she gets worried about falling she just plops down. I keep trying to encourage her to take a step towards me, but she reaches her hands without moving her feet, and then sits down and decides that crawling is so easy. She's been creeping along the furniture more often, and gaining her confidence in her footwork. I can't believe she'll be walking soon!!

Her toothbrush. It's a simple little silicone toothbrush from Whole Foods. My mom bought her one, and then we lost it (we think it fell into the bathroom trash can by accident) and I just finally got her another one. We love the "bristles" and the guard piece so she can't gag herself (which, unfortunately Makena has just discovered how to do with her fingers and keeps making herself gag!!) and she loves to brush her teeth. Well, she loves to chomp on it like a teething toy, and I let her do just that after I give her 2 bottom teeth a good scrub.
My cell phone and the leather case. Need I say more? I suppose all babies love that which Mommy is always playing with!
Banging/pinching/pulling/grabbing. Ah, the not so fun stuff. Ever since she was inside my belly, Makena has been a mover! She likes to bang her hands on things, pull hair, and pinch our skin. Especially when trying to fall asleep. She will pinch and squeeze and rub her hand up and down my arm while I nurse her. She loves to pinch the skin of my elbow. And when Pam or I rock her to sleep she wiggles and grabs and pulls and pinches until she finally settles down and falls asleep. It's exhausting!! And it HURTS! She's pinched us both so hard that she's given us bruises, and she's even cut us when her nails have gotten too long. Sheesh!

Feeding herself. And eating in general! Here she's enjoying quinoa, beans, and sauce.

Spinach potato onion patties, black beans and cheddar cheese, and peaches coated in crushed cheerios.Scrambled eggs, potatoes, and toast.
Spoon feeding her purees can be challenging, unless she has something else she can feed herself. But she's even gotten better with eating purees, I think because her appetite is really growing these days. She loves eating, and it's a fun challenge for me to find new foods for her. I enjoy knowing she's eating good healthy food, prepared with love. :)

Baths. She still really loves taking baths, and will crawl into the bathroom and go straight to the tub if given the chance! We got her a little bath seat, and it's great that she can sit by herself now while we sit in front of her and splash and play. She also loves her new squirt and snap toys, and the aquarium storage bag that is suction cupped to the wall.
Driving the car.
She doesn't get too many opportunities to play in the drivers seat, but if I nurse her in the car she knows afterward she'll get a chance to "drive."

Her I'll See You In The Morning book. We read this every night before bed. Usually we read 2-3 books, but this one is always last and it's always her favorite. She loves it!

And, of course, Elmo. Specifically, Elmo's World. Just the title song alone is enough to get her to whip her head towards the TV! If she's fussy or it's a challenging diaper change or we need to quickly distract her, simply singing "La la la la, la la la la, Elmo's World!" is enough to buy us a few precious seconds. I've even noticed that asking "Where's Elmo?!" will sometimes work. lol.
Blowing raspberries on any exposed skin. If you hold Makena and she notices your shoulder skin, she'll put her mouth on it and give a huge raspberry. Kinda. Hers are more of the "wide open mouth hilarious fart sound" variety. Today she even pulled up Pam's shirt and did it on her stomach. She also likes knees and arms. lol.

Sharing her food with me. Recently she's started to hold out her food towards me, and I take a pretend bite (or a real one) and she gets a huge kick out of that. She will even do it with toys, put them up to my mouth, but as soon as I bite them she grabs it back and quickly puts it in her own mouth. It's the thought that counts!

Naked Time! I think most babies like being naked. When Makena fights a diaper change and we're just sitting around at home, I'll let her go sans diaper whenever possible for a little while. I was about to write that a little pee on the carpet wouldn't be a big deal, and then I remembered the time when she started to poop. lol. But honestly, Donte makes a much bigger mess when pukes up a hairball. (One time, Donte pooped in my lap. But this isn't really the place to write about that.) Anyway, nakedness. It's nice to get back to your humble beginnings every now and then! And isn't a naked baby one of the cutest things?! They are so...perfect. Rolls and all!
Up next, an update about sleep!

More photos!

Makena is obsessed with the bathroom. She love taking baths, and will hurry into the bathroom whenever the door is open in hopes that it's bath time. She stands at the tub and laughs, and gets SO sad when we move her and explain it's not bath time. She also really likes playing with the toilet, so I'm trying to keep the lid down. Pam's been trying to get me to do that for years so Donte doesn't drink the toilet water.

And speaking of Donte, he's been so good with her lately. Now that she can crawl, she often pulls up where he's sitting and happily shrieks at him. I've caught her pulling his tail and ripping handfuls of his hair out, and he mostly just takes it and leaves after a while. The other day he did
"bite" her hand, but he never closed his mouth, he just touched her hand with his open mouth and she laughed so hard. lol.


Pam found out that Makena loves it when you let your hair dangle in her face. She giggles like crazy! We don't love that she grabs at our hair...she's got strong grip and yanks and it's incredibly painful!


I love her. She's such a delight! We spend our days playing on the floor and reading books and eating and going on walks and napping. And of course taking photos and videos. It's great!!

On a walk at our favorite place- the city hall fountain that's down the street from our apartment. I took the pacifier out for the subsequent photos, but this first shot was still my favorite.


I was on the computer the other morning and heard a chiming sound, and realized Makena had discovered the lamp. Hanging from the on/off switch was a little "Katy & Pam Made For Each Other" charm, and it was rattling like crazy as she shook the lamp. And then, she pulled it over and it fell with a crash. Luckily it's just a plastic top, so it didn't break. But now she thinks it's super fun to play with. I even removed the charm because I thought she might not enjoy it so much without the fun sound!

She helped me make Banana Bread Muffins! She stirred the mashed bananas and helped pour in the flour and then sat and ate her puff snacks while I put the muffins in the oven. And then when they were done and cooled off, she ate one, and LOVED it!


It's so fun that we can actually kinda do stuff now. She still mostly wants to be on her own to explore all around, but she will sit and play and be interested in doing something for a little bit!

At bed time we read this story and it's become her favorite.

All about sleep, or lack thereof.

(I think this post will explain why I have so many photos of Makena sleeping, like in the last post. It's such a wonderful event that I love taking photos of her when she's asleep! lol)

I'll start with the basic facts. Makena doesn't sleep well. She never really has. Well, by sleep I mean nap. She's great overnight, but her daytime sleep is tricky. As tiny newborn she didn't follow general sleep patterns of babies. She was bright eyed and alert from day one. Everyone used to comment on how aware of her surroundings she was, and she would gaze at faces/things and follow/track with her eyes at a very young age. Her hand/eye development and smiles and laughs all started before the milestones are typically reached. Makena literally smiled the day after we brought her home. We were sitting on the couch staring at our baby in amazement and Pam said "I'm your Mama" and she smiled, and it was real. People love to tell you it's just gas, but our baby was smiley and happy from the very beginning. She was often awake, and since she wasn't causing a fuss, we didn't think there was a problem!

Around her 5th week I remember thinking we were almost to 6 weeks, and everyone says the first 6 weeks with a newborn are the hardest. They cry, they are up all night, nobody sleeps. Most parents I know agree that those first weeks were the absolute worst. I asked Pam one day "What percentage of time do you think Makena cries?" And she confirmed what I was thinking- "Less than 1%."

Makena was content to just lay happily and take in the world around her. She didn't fuss, and was totally easy going. Diaper changes, water in her face from bathing, being cold fresh out of the bath, or wet from a full diaper...none of this made her cry. She did of course complain occasionally, but she was easy to soothe and distract. She slept when she was done nursing, or would just burrow her head in our necks and drift to sleep. Her first 2 weeks we slept with her laying on our chest, or curled up next to us on the couch.

I noticed very early on that she was awake more than what "they" say a baby normally is, and didn't seem to ever really fall into a natural schedule. So I started to keep track of her naps every month or so...

February 18th
9-12, 1:20-1:50, 4:45-5:15
March 20th
8:45-12, 1-2:10, 2:25-3, 5:20-7
April 22nd
10-10:30, 1:15-1:40 2:10-2:50, 3:50-4:10
May 20th
7:40-8, 9:30-9:40, 10:50-11:35, 1:30-4:15
June 1st
9:30-10, 1-1:10, 3:40-6:10
June 6th
10-10:30, 10:45-12:45, 3:20-3:50
July 21st
9-10, 12-1, 3:15-4
August 7th
10-10:45, 1:10-1:50, 4:15-4:45
September 7th
8:05-9:15, 1:05-3:05

And, those are days where she slept well enough for me to document it. Many days she barely naps at all, especially if I'm at work. Sometimes it would be a 7 hour work day and she'd be awake the entire time!! Nowadays, she's down to 2 naps about an hour each. She could use a 3rd nap, but usually it's less than 15 minutes and that just doesn't count!

Anyway.
At 7 weeks old, when we took her to Fresno to visit friends, she had her first big cry where we couldn't console her. She screamed her head off and it was terrifying, because although we both knew that babies cry, it was SO unusual for our baby to be crying. Especially like that!! And I found out the problem pretty early on. She was overstimulated and exhausted. With a baby that rarely ever made a fuss, we didn't think about sleep. She was happy, engaging, excited to look around. We didn't realize she was overtired! From that day on there was a marked change. We made a "no visitors past 6 pm" rule. We started a bedtime routine with music, a dark room, rocking, holding and bouncing, patting, and walking in circles... for up to an hour. And she'd cry. She'd cry so hard that Pam and I would have to tag team to make sure we didn't go absolutely crazy. Eventually she'd fall asleep in our arms. And we'd all go to bed. Or, more accurately, I'd go into the bed with Makena and Pam slept on the couch. We started to swaddle her too, which she hated as a tiny baby but needed once she started to wake herself up with her flailing arms. It also signified "BED TIME!!" and she felt like we were right next to her still holding her in our arms.

And we did that for a long time, until she started to nurse to sleep again, and I took advantage of how easy that was. I'd sit in the bed in the dark, and hold her and nurse until she fell asleep, then pop her off me, pop the pacifier in her mouth, and lay her down. That would take up to 2 hours some nights. Eventually I mastered the art of nursing while laying down, so I'd lay her down, nurse her, then sneak out of the room. You see, Makena is awesome because not only does she fight her sleep like crazy and take forever to FALL asleep, but she's ALSO a very light sleeper. That phrase "sleeping like a baby" does not apply. She wouldn't sleep in the car unless you really "worked" at it. She wouldn't fall asleep then be placed down and stay asleep. She is basically impossible to move once she's asleep.

So when I figured out that if I nursed her to sleep while she was laying down I could easily sneak out, it got much easier. Sometimes I'd have the mobile playing her music and that seemed to help. After being asleep for a couple hours, I'd get into bed and be able to move her ever so gently the 3 feet over to the co-sleeper. She spent several nights asleep there, until she'd wake to nurse and I'd bring her in bed with me again only yo fall asleep before putting her back. Pam spent several nights in bed with us. And sometimes I'd sleep on the couch. It was all very irregular. As much as I HATE when Pam and I aren't in bed together, even before having a baby Pam moved to the couch in the middle of the night very often. I'd wake up by myself, sad and alone, and she'd say she just sleeps better on the couch or fell asleep watching TV or I was snoring or whatever. Pam generally doesn't sleep well and wakes up way earlier than me anyway. (And, in her defense, we do have an incredibly comfy couch!! When I don't feel well or am having a hard time sleeping, I sleep much better on the couch!) But, with Makena in our queen sized bed, there isn't much room for all 3 of us to be comfortable. All the more reason to transition her to her own sleeping space.

This is SO much easier said than done. And we were well aware then (just as we are even MORE well aware now...) that the longer it took, the harder it would be in the long run.

And now? Well, I just hope we'll look back on all this some day and laugh and learn from our mistakes...

In mid-August I finally got tired of doing it every single night by myself and asked Pam to do the bedtime routine with Makena. The new routine took shape- Dinner, bath if needed, pj's and sleepsack on, stories read (Her favorite book right now is "I'll See You In The Morning"), and then I nurse her and sing or hum a song. Sometimes it's "Baby Mine," "Everything's Alright," "You'll Be In My Heart," or "Edelweiss," which seems to be her very favorite. Then, I stop singing, and nurse in the dark room and she gets very sleepy. But, before she falls asleep, I take her off the boob, give her the pacifier (if she wants it. Sometimes she doesn't, which I love.) and I call Pam in and she either lays with Makena if she's sleepy or picks her up and walks/rocks/pats her until she falls asleep. Then she lays her down eventually in the bed and we have a few hours sans baby until we go to bed! We have the video monitor on to watch her constantly, because now that she can crawl, she isn't safe in the bed unless we can make sure she isn't moving. We have a very high bed. (Also, side-note. I never planned to bed-share, and I know lots of people think it's crazy dangerous. But I love it. I love love LOVE knowing Makena is asleep right next to me. I love that I can so easily soothe and nurse her when she wakes. I don't feel sleep deprived at all (well, I didn't...more on that later), even if she wakes up twice in the night to eat. I roll over, nurse her, and we're both asleep within 5 minutes.)

Anyways. We finally decided to try and get her to sleep in her crib. The co-sleeper can't be used any more because she can sit, crawl, and stand up. :( It's in storage for the next baby, who WILL sleep in it!!!! So, since we weren't comfortable with her being in a different room than us, we moved our mattress to the floor of her room. It just barely fit. lol. When I went in to bed, I picked her up, placed her in the crib, and we all slept. Until she woke up crying. For the first time ever. See, in bed next to me, she stirs and I'd semi-wake up and feed her before she'd even make a peep. So I got up, picked her up, nursed, then put her back in crib. And she tossed and turned and I had to stand there and comfort her until she fell asleep. Meanwhile, I was tired and grumpy and already hating this new technique. The 2nd time she woke up I just kept her in bed with us till the morning.

We tried that a few nights, and then I just stopped putting her in the crib altogether. It's too much work! I don't sleep well at all, she doesn't sleep well, I get cranky about having to physically get UP, and I had to keep myself awake enough to move her back to the crib. No thanks.

But now it's just gotten worse. Now, within the last 2 weeks or so, Makena is sleeping even lighter than before. The other night Pam said to me, "So, what are we doing? We moved our bed in there, now what?!" And we laughed because it's so ridiculous how we don't know what we're doing. We don't even really know what the true problem is, and so we don't know how to fix it!!

Lately, she isn't even falling asleep while nursing. It's taking a LOT more effort to get her to fall asleep. She is tossing and turning while sleeping, and waking up and crying out a lot. She'll often fall back asleep on her own, but sometimes we have to run in and put the pacifier in and lay next to her.

And, she's been waking up ready to play at all hours of the night. 3 am, 4 am, 5 am, she wants to get out of bed. I wake up, nurse, then try to go back to sleep but she crawls over to climb on me and is "talking" and laughing and having a grand time. Lately, I've learned what sleep deprivation is. Not in those first 6 weeks when we were expecting it. No, ours came over 6 months into it, and caught us while we were already struggling with sleep issues!! Not fair. Dislike. Thumbs down. :(

It's been rough these days. I woke up the other night after multiple times of dealing with Makena fighting her falling back to sleep, and I was so tired, and I couldn't deal with it. I sat up in bed and put my head in my hands and left out a very grumpy "GRRR!!!!" And Pam got up with Makena and let her play for an hour until getting her to fall asleep again.

I am not a night owl, or an early riser. I like my sleep. And I don't function well with a lack of sleep. It's been HARD to get through these days. We feel helpless and stuck and I have some moments where I'm so unbelievably unhappy that it blows my mind. I have SO much to be happy about. I have Pam, and she's wonderful. And I absolutely love us. Together we have Makena, this total dream come true baby, and she's amazing. A family, a real family. Can you ask for more? Even when things suck, I look at all I have and know I shouldn't complain. Things could be a million times worse!!!! So when it does suck, when I'm feeling miserable, I feel doubly awful because I know I shouldn't feel that way! I have no right to complain when so many others wait their whole lives for what I have right now.

And, the song that continually runs through my head couldn't say it all any better-

That's why I couldn't be happier No, I couldn't be happier Though it is, I admit The tiniest bit Unlike I anticipated But I couldn't be happier Simply couldn't be happier Well - not "simply" 'Cause getting your dreams It's strange, but it seems A little - well - complicated There's a kind of a sort of: cost There's a couple of things get: lost There are bridges you cross You didn't know you crossed Until you've crossed And if that joy, that thrill Doesn't thrill you like you think it will Still - With this perfect finale The cheers and ballyhoo Who Wouldn't be happier? So I couldn't be happier Because happy is what happens When all your dreams come true Well, isn't it? Happy is what happens When your dreams come true!
-Wicked

Nursing and Sleeping Photos!

I recently uploaded all my camera photos onto the computer... they are mostly all pictures of Makena nursing and/or sleeping. lol.



(This one makes me nervous... but it was just a nap and I was with her the whole time, she just kept wanting to burrow her face into the pillow! Ugh.)


While teething and crying nonstop I finally tried the Hylands Homeopathic Teething tablets, and within less than 5 minutes she was asleep with an actual smile on her face! Amazing.



A very rare moment of sleep where she didn't wake up when I put her down! I was at work and she had been sleeping in my lap for 20 mins, then I heard Colin wake up so I went upstairs to get him and placed her in the pack n play. I was shocked that she didn't even move, and even more shocked that I started to come downstairs with Colin and realized she was still asleep!! So we played in his room until she woke up screaming 15 minutes later. At first I was so excited that she slept on her own, but the next morning she had a fever and was sick so I think it was just from that...lol.

She was super sick with a stomach bug and spent the weekend puking and sleeping on me. And of course it was a major heatwave and we were both sticky and hot. Add a clingy puking baby to that... fun times.


It was the middle of the night and Makena woke up and I rolled over and started to nurse her. Then she decided to start crawling around on the bed and when she saw my boob still hanging out waiting for her she came back over for a little sip...

It was cracking me up, she'd put both hands on my boob and then face plant right into it. And it would have been funnier if only it wasn't 3am...

The other night Pam went to bed and when I went in I found this-

Makena was moving around and I couldn't sleep. So I took photos.

I love this one with her feet up on Pam's back!!

She finally stopped moving and fell asleep like this, straight across the bed leaving me pretty much no room at all.

Good thing she's so darn cute! Actually, at that point, she was deep enough asleep that I was able to move her.


And one photo of us taking a quick little nap together!

She is love!